Would You Get A Divorce If......

[BrianinMD]

Sometimes being a good dad means getting away from things that put in you in a bad emotional place. Kids do see these things, no matter how hard you try to keep it from them. He either needs to accept this as his life and be happy or make changes which allow him to be happy. If its divorce then so be it.

 

Fishing is the least of the concerns you talked about. Keep an eye on him, make sure depression doesn't start to set in.

[Zeeso]

Just keep in mind that what we read was a third party view. If the husband told it to us, it may come out a bit different.

Correct, it is coming from a third party. However the information I am relaying to you comes directly from him.

He vents constantly to us, but as I stated before he is a good husband and an even better father to his child and her kids that he treats as they are his own. Which leads me to believe that it's made him give up any pursuit of finding a compromise because in his eyes, its just not worth it. I'm not looking for advice on what to tell him, it's not my place to tell him. I was just seeing if anyone thought the situation is as absurd as it sounds to me. Plainly put I just feel bad for him. He is a very passive individual and I feel bad that he can't muster the courage to "make a stand" for himself.

I didn't start the topic too get into a debate over morality issues when it comes to marriage, divorce, and whether or not it's an appropriate discussion point on an "off-topic" forum. While I respect your opinion and have nothing against it.. I think its only fair that you respect the fact that my only purpose was the create a small discussion to hear or see differing views. My intentions were not to insult anyone or disrespect their beliefs on marriage.

[deaknh03]

They got together and stay together for specific reasons, not known here. I like to say, birds of a feather flock together.

[Trailer]

Lack of fishing isn't a just cause for divorce, no matter how much we "love" it. A man has to choose his priorities. A man also has to hold himself accountable for his choices. Marriage is a mutual decision. We are also hearing one side of the story.

 

HOWEVER, if it is all true...

 

Let's play Devil's advocate: "It is better to dwell in the corner of the housetop, than with a brawling woman and in a wide house"

 

Don't know what to tell you on this one. It's a push. There's nothing wrong with looking out for friends as long as they understand they are responsible for their actions no matter who gave them the advice, whether it be good or bad. It's a touchy subject and a difficult one at that.

[Brian Needham]

I have heard the story all too often........ Hire a PI and go from there.

 

sorry guys, I am a cynic.

 

btw are we sure the friend isn't you?

[The Rooster]

I wouldn't get divorced for her not liking me fishing, but I wouldn't quit fishing either. She'd find a way to deal with it, period. Fortunately, my wife is not like that. She doesn't care for fishing herself, well, very much anyway, but she also doesn't mind me going and supports my "habit".

Now, I wouldn't go excessively, but I'd go several times a year, at least into the double digits, whether she liked it or not. There's no woman anywhere that would just make me give up something I love. If she loves me, that's part of who I am. If you don't like it, well, there's things about everyone that someone isn't always going to like. That's one of them. Deal with it.

That's my two cents, and a buck fifty more to go with it!

[Zeeso]

I have heard the story all too often........ Hire a PI and go from there.

sorry guys, I am a cynic.

btw are we sure the friend isn't you?

Yep I am happily married and go fishing whenever the hell I want . Just feel bad for him. I work in a small company and about 10 of us are fishing fanatics. We always do small fun company tournaments (top prize being bragging rights), we go on rockfish charters a couple times a year. And we always include him in the plans, even offer to pay his way for the charters. He usually just hangs his head and says I don't know we'll see. Then a week before we go he says he can't go. We don't hold it against him and we don't ever exclude him. Just a shame he can't enjoy it with us.

[slonezp]

I wouldn't get divorced for her not liking me fishing, but I wouldn't quit fishing either. She'd find a way to deal with it, period. Fortunately, my wife is not like that. She doesn't care for fishing herself, well, very much anyway, but she also doesn't mind me going and supports my "habit".

Now, I wouldn't go excessively, but I'd go several times a year, at least into the double digits, whether she liked it or not. There's no woman anywhere that would just make me give up something I love. If she loves me, that's part of who I am. If you don't like it, well, there's things about everyone that someone isn't always going to like. That's one of them. Deal with it.

That's my two cents, and a buck fifty more to go with it!

My ol' lady won't bass fish. She will fish for crappies and walleye, but not bass. She has never interfered with my fishing. She did however tell me I was stupid for spending money on a new boat last year in front of the dealer. My response was "You won't marry me, so don't tell me how to spend my money" (we've been together since 1996) I think that was the first and last time she was speechless. When I went to finalize the paperwork I was alone. The dealer said he was surprised I came back. I said there is no issue. She won't marry me so it's my money. I'm not trying to come off like a dick. She's screwed me out of more money than I could imagine. LOL  

[Zeeso]

I wouldn't get divorced for her not liking me fishing, but I wouldn't quit fishing either. She'd find a way to deal with it, period. Fortunately, my wife is not like that. She doesn't care for fishing herself, well, very much anyway, but she also doesn't mind me going and supports my "habit".

Now, I wouldn't go excessively, but I'd go several times a year, at least into the double digits, whether she liked it or not. There's no woman anywhere that would just make me give up something I love. If she loves me, that's part of who I am. If you don't like it, well, there's things about everyone that someone isn't always going to like. That's one of them. Deal with it.

That's my two cents, and a buck fifty more to go with it!

Well said sir. That is my stance as well. Hey if I need to take care of something around the house, or I did something without my wife the weekend before, ill spend the weekend with her instead of going off by myself. You just have to know when your pushing thelimits so to speak.

[fish-fighting-illini]

For the sake of discussion you have to assume that the information is correct.

That being said "yes" she needs to be put in her place and if that doesn't work she needs to be dumped on her arse.

She is lazy and gets to go out with her friends but he never gets to do anything?

Give me a break.

Then she asks to go on vacation with her male neighbor? = adios.

Tell the guy to grow some stones or quit whining, he's an embarrassment to the brotherhood of men.

You can help him grow a little, next time that he is "allowed" to go fishing by the queen bee tell him the phone is off and he hands it to you or he doesn't get in the boat.

Maybe suggest that he go to a counselor. Probably needs to go by himself first for stone growing therapy. Then get her to go with.

She sleeps in but they have financial difficulty. There's no reason that she couldn't pick up some hours when the kids are at school. Or him for that matter.

Just calling it like I see it.

FFI

Washington Strong

[Fishing Rhino]

A lot of advice here.  It's worth what it cost.

 

I have one question.  Why did the guy marry her? 

 

As a rule, people don't change.  How could he have been so wrong?  Sounds like he never really got to know her before they got married.  Maybe the signs were all there, but he let his heart rule his head.  People do that every day.  Spend money they don't have to get something they want, but don't need, and find themselves behind the eight ball.

 

If that's the case, this mess is on him, not her.  They made a kid together, so he's "stuck" with her until the child is 18, or out of school, which may add a few more years that he has to deal with the woman, divorced or not.

 

Seems to me it's a case of poor judgment on his part, even if everything the first post stated is true.

[BrianinMD]

Rhino, unfortunately it is not true that people do not change. I have seen it multiple times where one party acts a certain way until marriage. Then once they get married they act completely different. Like they do what they think they need to in order to get married then want to impose a completely different lifestyle on the other person like they own them. It never ends well, the end result is divorce or someone who ends up not being happy and going thru the motions of life.

 

The lack of fishing and laziness is one thing but to hear the question about going on vacation with another guy quickly puts it over the edge. If that is true he needs to get out. That does not happen unless they are already involved behind his back.

[Helluva_Engineer]

I would divorce for way less than that. It's not so much about the fishing, it's about contributing to the marriage. Infidelity is the truest way to demonstrate someone's not committed to the relationship, but so is laziness. Your friend needs to show some respect for himself and keep his kid for the child's sake. Adios to Queen B*. Life is too short for high drama people and no woman is worth that. 

[Trek]

   The old saying goes. Look at their mother. If you can't live with that later down the road then don't marry them. I've also learned to not expect to do what you want if you hold her back all the time. It's give and take. You both need to be happy in life. She'll be a much better wife to you if she is. The last thing is if she's going to cheat then there's nothing you can do about it. Get rid of her. Remember once you find out it wasn't the first or the last time.

[slonezp]

 

I have one question.  Why did the guy marry her? 

 

 

See post #14

[Oregon Native]

Soooooo sad for all partys envolved. Just had to lift it up.

[Oregon Native]

My ol' lady won't bass fish. She will fish for crappies and walleye, but not bass. She has never interfered with my fishing. She did however tell me I was stupid for spending money on a new boat last year in front of the dealer. My response was "You won't marry me, so don't tell me how to spend my money" (we've been together since 1996) I think that was the first and last time she was speechless. When I went to finalize the paperwork I was alone. The dealer said he was surprised I came back. I said there is no issue. She won't marry me so it's my money. I'm not trying to come off like a dick. She's screwed me out of more money than I could imagine. LOL

She must have some amazing...totally other AMAZING properties!!

[tomustang]

Hey zeeso, the real problem is with you. Find a new fishing partner and move on.

[slonezp]

She must have some amazing...totally other AMAZING properties!!

36D's

[Brian Needham]

See post #14

 it must have rays of sunshine coming out of it.

[Zeeso]

Hey zeeso, the real problem is with you. Find a new fishing partner and move on.

Not my fishing "partner". Just a good guy I work with. I fish with whoever wants to go fishing. Just sad to see him have something hes loved and done all his life "taken" away from him in a sense.

[tomustang]

You can't change him and men make their own beds and lay in them, I suggest you don't put too much thought into it and focus on your issues.

[Raider Nation Fisher]

You can't change him and men make their own beds and lay in them, I suggest you don't put too much thought into it and focus on your issues.

Sound advice.

[Grizzn N Bassin]

You can't change him and men make their own beds and lay in them, I suggest you don't put too much thought into it and focus on your issues.

x2 

[Grizzn N Bassin]

that stuff is always a mess. Best to be supportive for him but theres always more to the story.