Would You Get A Divorce If......

[Zeeso]

So I know a gentleman.  I work with this guy, he loves fishing.  Has his whole life, grew up fishing, has fish tattoos.

 

He has been married for say 6-7 years.  Before he got married, his wife knew about his love for fishing.  She didn't care then, but oh how the tides of turned.

They have 3 kids, one of them is his, two of them are from the womans previous marriage.  All the kids are in school, 4th grade and up.  The wife, doesn't work, doesn't take time out of her day to pay bills, or do anything productive so to speak.  She sits around the house and goes out to eat with her friends for lunch and stuff like that.  We work second shift, meaning he probably gets home around 11 or midnight.  She doesn't even wake up to put the kids on the bus.  The fellow I work with does while she sleeps in.  He use to work two jobs in order to pay the bills, and they live in a small trailer.  Not to long ago, his wife asked him if she could go on vacation for a week, with their neighbor, who is a GUY.  Obviously he said no and she didn't talk to him for a week.

 

Anytime he brings up fishing, she gets irate, and doesn't talk to him.  She tells her friends she is a "winter wife" because he likes to go fishing.  Guess how many times he has been fishing in the 3 years I have worked with him?  Maybe, MAYBE 5 times.  She tells him he needs to sell his fishing stuff because they don't have any money.  He is selling his boat now.  Just a small jon boat with a motor, but he is selling it.  I asked him why, he said ohh I'll probably get something like a camper, something to do with the family.  Its like he is in a state of denial.  He goes to bass pro shops once a year, and isn't allowed to buy anything, he just takes the kids so they can have a good time.  I mean god bless him, hes a great father, and a great husband to his inconsiderate wife.  I just feel like slapping him.  Tell him to wake up! I have been fishing with him two times, two times in 3 years.  Both times, he must have answered his phone 20 times because she was calling him to complain about the kids acting up, just trying as hard as she good to make him leave.   Asking him what time he is coming home, stuff like that.  

 

I know he probably loves her, I don't know how but he does.  But if this were me?  Oh man, the problems this woman has obviously go much deeper than allowing the poor guy to go fishing every once in a while.  She won't even let him take the kids fishing, he tells me he doesn't even care if he catches fish, he just wants to see his kids have a good time.  And the kicker is, the kids love going.  The 1 time a year he is allowed it go.

 

I know divorce is a serious issue, and marriage is about making sacrifices.  But good LORD!  I would have been out the door a lonnnnng time ago. Obviously I would never tell him that, but I just wanted to see what other peoples opinions were.  

[tomustang]

Well that's one side of the story...

[Huntsman]

It seems to me that he's making the best of his situation. Kudos. He sounds like my dad.

[Chief 2]

Time for that fellow to move on. It sounds like he has a handful with the wife and it certainly isn't helping the kids being in a relationship like that. Vacation with the guy neighbor? Wake up man!

[TrippyJai]

If that was my friend, I would ask him why he's still around and putting up with all that if it were true. Maybe it's the kids that's keeping him around.

 

He's definitely in a terrible situation, making all the money, no fishing, wife gets upset at anything fishing related, have to do the wife's job at home, and she wants to go on vacation with another man? Seems like she's doesn't appreciate him enough. Time to man up and lay down the law, if compromises don't work, move on.

[Raider Nation Fisher]

I would a been gone. As for the vacation. Woulda said yes dear have fun. Me and your sister will play, I mean watch the house. While y'all are gone.

[RAMBLER]

Neither you nor any of us can tell the man what to do.  He has to live his own life and make his own decisions.  If you are that concerned about him, just be there for him if things get worse. 

[Teal]

No. If fishing has to go it has to go. If I have to change a few things I will. If she has has to change things then I would address it. You do whatever you have to do.

Except for a couple of serious marital issues that you did not mention aboive, MARRIAGE IS FOR LIFE.

I WLL SAY IT AGAIN FOR YOU GUYS, MARRIAGE IS FOR LIFE. God designed marriage to be for a life time. Not for a long as times were good. Marriage is not high school where u are with someone until you find out she's lame, then your on to the next one.

Society has watered down marriage, to the point that people are seriously asking if you would divorce your wife and baby mama, because she is a nag and doesnt like you leaving her long enough to catch a fish. ...the answer is Hell NO.

My life, my marriage, my wife, my walk with God is a heck of alot more important than what ever satisfaction j get out of fishing.

Your friend obviously has some issues, or maybe to him they are non issues. Who knows. But u got one side of the story.

[slonezp]

Sounds like not going fishing is the least of his problems

[Felix77]

As a friend I would try and get him out to talk and discuss it.  See if there is something more to the story than what you observed.  The big red flag to me is this vacation with the neighbor.  Something just doesn't seem right there.

 

Based on what you described I would have been long gone, kids and all if possible!

[Ratherbfishing]

This woman must've gone to the same finishing school that my brother's wife went to.  Only when they are done, it's their husbands who are "finished."

 

We've only heard one side of the story but from what's been said, it would give me ulcers.  Death would be a merciful out.

[A-Jay]

Sounds like list of symptoms to a fundamental problem that started a while ago; one that has never been seriously addressed and there for continues to grow.

 

Relationships must find there own way.  Unfortunately today so many couples put considerably more thought, time and effort trying to get out of them, than they ever did getting into it. 

 

 For others their marriage and love is both their highest achievement and their most significant commitment.   By having the capacity to understand, the compassion to give comfort and the joy to laugh and to be themselves, a life is shared.  Basking in each others joy and excitement and of the ideas and discoveries of their mate can help protect the other from darkness, despair and loneliness.  And silence represents loving contemplation and trust.

 

Life's long journey can be so rich, so memorable but so swift, that the end of it will seem but a moment from right now.

 

A-Jay

 

 

 

[SPEEDBEAD.]

If she's really that bad, she's always been that bad.

 

No offense, but HE married her.

[slonezp]

She's probably hot.  The hotness factor is blurring his senses

[msk]

That's a tough call. I would definitely NOT get divorced if my wife didn't like me fishing. But as a husband I would not tolerate her lazy behaviors. There have to be compromises and it sounds to me like she needs to get a job and start being productive to society. 

 

It is also important to encourage her to pursue her passions as well. If your spouse does not support you then it will be tough sledding. 

[flyfisher]

Seems like he wants to play the martyr role because he works and she doesn't but is neglecting to mention that she is home with the kids when they are etc....Sacrificing a boat or fishing for a family is a no brainer.....i love my hobbies and i try to do them as much as possible but if the **** hit the fan i would drop them in a second to make things work out.

 

Basically it sounds like priorities of his fun are higher than family needs, even though those needs may be more than most would tolerate.  I also highly doubt this just flipped a switch and all of the sudden it happened.  These types of resentment scenarios build up over time and she is proibably just using the fishing as a way to voice her opinion.  I would thinking working second shift would be good in that him and his wife could spend time together throughout the day but it doesn't sound like htat is the case so maybe, and this is pure specualtion, she is jealous of him wanting to go out fishing instead of taking and spending time with her during the day while the kids are in school.

 

Of course the whole vacation thing is kind of weird too....but the fact that she asked makes it even more weird.

[clayton86]

Almost sounds like my marriage lol. Which yes guys the wife and I are back together.

My marriage has been to hell and back between the cheating, being broke, and countless other things we are still together though barely. My wife hates my hobbies she says i go from fishing to deer hunting to coyote hunting back into fishing with no breaks. We now have a understanding we both work full time now and I provide for the family and help around the house if i wanna go fish or hunt I'm going to go unless the kids are sick or something then I stay and help out.

Maybe his wife needs hobbies or friends I know thats what the issue was with my wife. When she started working she met some new friends and now has stuff to keep her occupied besides the kids when I take off hunting or what ever.

If me and my wife can figure it out with three kids and all the crap we have gone threw any one can. I mean heck my daughter isn't even mine but the dad bounced leaving her without a father. I took my wife back and then adopted Charlotte as my own when she was born signed the birth certificate. I figured how is it fair to her that her real father is a dead beat and how would she feel if her mother and I were still separated and her brothers got to go with me and had a father in their life and she didn't. So now I have a daughter I get to teach to fish with my boys shes a little tanner then my boys and I if you catch my drift but it don't matter to me.

Only your friend knows what to do I'm sure he has reasons for staying with it as bad as it sounded.

[Ratherbfishing]

Readdressing the question-would I get a divorce if I were him?  That might be a bit premature. HOWEVER, if it were me, assuming the facts are as simple as you stated (they seldom are), there would HAVE to be some changes if I were to stay in the relationship.  I've been around enough to know, however, that change doesn't come easy or without major resistance and sometimes it doesn't come at all.  And since you're asking the question, and not him, it's difficult to know how he feels about the situation.  Obviously, if YOU were the one in a relationship and were asking advice, it's apparent that something would have to give.

 

My brother has a wife who...let's just say I think he could've chosen better.  She is very selfish and ego-centric.  If you were lying in the street dying, she'd scarcely bother to lift her feet to step over you.  However, she's my brother's wife and not mine and I've had to accept that.  It's come down to where I've asked him to not talk to me (complain) about her if he's not going to do anything about it.  I also refuse, now, to go over and help him with projects if, essentially, they are for her.  It's what I've had to do to keep from hating her guts.  It's really sad that I've had to take this approach but there it is.

[Teal]

Just keep in mind that what we read was a third party view. If the husband told it to us, it may come out a bit different.

[Sam]

Reads like she is passive/aggressive with him and not happy in her role as his wife and mother to the children.

 

I would suggest counseling but I doubt she would go.

 

There is an underlying problem that is not being addressed.

 

Better address it soon or she will be gone one day when he comes home.

[Raider Nation Fisher]

Homie needs to man up. Put on his big boy pants and make a choice. He can either have his fishing and fun or have his wife. Least thats how it sounds to me. If she is that against everything he does then why torture yourself like that? Women are a dime a dozen. Life is to short to be miserable all the time. Its a pretty black and white decision. You either want her or you don't. Its not fair to expect her to change anymore than it is to expect him to change. Its called compromise. Everyone has to give a little to make it work.

[SirSnookalot]

We have not heard one side of the story, we have heard a third party make reference to a situation which may or may not be the exact story.  Not knowing the players involved or seeing what is happening first hand, I wouldn't give advice.

 

Some people should not have been married in the first place and other relationships can change over time.  Having but one life, I see nothing wrong with trying to improve a situation, if that means divorce so be it. 

[K_Mac]

This is the kind of thread that just can't really be dealt with here. None of us know the facts. We only have a well meaning third party's view of the facts.

 

There are many issues brought up here that are worthy of discussion: The sanctity of marriage, the morality of divorce, the importance of happiness and righteousness, maybe even the meaning of life itself. I love the conversation. Just not here.  We are a fishing forum. We can learn many other fun things, like ladle wielding restaurant owners are a serious threat, and who has the biggest 4x4. There are boundaries though, and this is well outside of them in my opinion. 

[Teal]

Well said K mac. I think we ought to end this thread on that note

[aquaholic]

I never understood getting p****y whipped. I understand being a good father or husband, but there is also time to take your kids out fishing or have a day with your buds. Of course there is 2 sides to every story as well. I probably would just keep my mouth shut though.