Your Best Fishing Joke

[jeremyryanwebb]

I know some of you old timers have some good fishing jokes, so let's hear em.  Why not have a laugh while we wait on spring to get here? Here goes mine....

 

So two old men, Bill and Jimbo, were out on the lake fishing one day.  These two had fished together and been best friends since they were kids.  They grew up, joined their local bass club, did tournamants, grew old, retired and now they just lived the life they had always dreamed....on the water every day.  

 

That day Bill looked at Jimbo and asked, "Do you think there is bass fishin in Heaven?"

 

Jimbo replied, "Ya know I never thought about it really, but which ever one of us dies first....needs to come back and let the other one know if God let's us go fishin up there."

 

Bill agreed and they laughed the conversation off.

 

A few weeks later Jimbo passed away of old age. 

 

Some time went by and Bill thought about his fishin buddy all the time.  When one night while asleep Jimbo appears as an angel.  Bill was startled but excited to see his buddy and couldnt help but ask.....IS THERE FISHIN IN HEAVEN?!

 

Jimbo said, "Well, do you want the good news or bad news first?"

Bill quickly said "THE GOOD NEWS"

Jimbo said, "Lucky for us....there is fish in Heaven!"

Bill was excited and said "Thats great....whats the bad news?"

Jimbo replied   "Well..........God said he needs a co-angler this weekend, You're comin with me!"

[Ratherbfishing]

I'm sure you've heard of the nuclear physicist who, when he went on vacation, put "Gone fission" on his door.

[BassmanDan]

No one in this town could catch any fish except this one man

The game warden asked him how he did it so the man told the game warden that he would take him fishing the next day...

Once they got to the middle of the lake the man took out a stick of dynamite, lit it, and threw it in the water. After the explosion fish started floating to the top of the water. The man took out a net and started picking up the fish.

The game warden told him that this was illegal. The man took out another stick of dynamite and lit it. He then handed it to the game warden and said " are you going to fish or talk?"

[jeremyryanwebb]

Thats hilarious!

[00 mod]

What did the fish say when he ran into the concrete wall?       Dam

 

Jeff

[jeremyryanwebb]

What do women and bass have in common?

They both stop shakin their tales as soon as your done catchin em

[Jolly Green]

Ice fishing made easy:

 

Bring a bag of peas, cut your hole, line up peas all around the hole, fish comes up to take a pea you grab him.

[coryn h. fishowl]

Jimbo: *sigh*

Bob: what's wrong

Jimbo: I'm just havin some troubles at home

Bob: Is it the missus 

Jimbo: Yeah, she said I need to stop spending so much time with my rod in my hands.

[Nitrofreak]

Had a conversation with my local game officer while I was fishing one day , the conversation was going great , he checked my license and everything and pointed out a sign to my right that said " No Fishing "

 

He said to me that if I could come up with an excuse he has never heard before he would only give me a warning .

 

I looked him dead in the eye and with all seriousness I said :  I was not fishing occifer , I am merely teaching these worms how to swim

 

He tried hard not to laugh , but I think he had heard this one before and let me go anyway !!

[aavery2]

I like to take a nice wet plastic bait, if it has moss on it even better, and tap the other guy on his lower bare leg and yell snake. Well it makes me laugh.

[Root beer]

Two old guys have been fishing together for 30 years. They were fishing under a bridge and a hearse drove over the bridge. One of the men stood up with his hat off to pay his respect then his buddy decided to join in. After the hearse one of the guy looked at his buddy and said, "you know, we have been fishing for 30 years and have seen many hearse crossed this bridge. So how come we decided pay our respect to this one?" In which his friend replied, "Well, I was married to her for 35 years so I thought I show a little respect."

[Sam]

The psychiatrist finally agreed to make a house call after the wife of a bass fisherman called his office a dozen times begging him to come to her home to see her husband who refused to leave the bathroom.

 

When the psych got there she took him to the master bathroom and there he was: dressed in his finest bass fishing gear, with a 7-foot G. Loomis GLX rod and casting into a bathtub full of water.

 

"What are you doing?" asked the psychiatrist.  "Fishing, you idiot," the husband replied. "Now get out of the bathroom before I hit you with my crankbait."

 

"Why didn't you tell me your husband has such a serious problem?" the psychiatrist asked the wife.

 

"How could I?" she replied. "All I do is clean fish all day."

[Nice_Bass]

Sam & Becky are celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary and Sam says to Becky "Becky, I was wondering... Have you ever cheated on me?" Becky replies, "Oh Sam, why would you ask such a question now? You don't want to ask that question..." "Yes, Becky, I really want to know. Please..." "Well, all right. Yes, 3 times..." "Three, hmmm, well when were they?" as his face turned red, but realizing he had pressured her... "Well, Sam, remember when you were 35 years old and you really wanted to start the business on your own and no bank would give you a
loan? Remember, then one day the bank president himself came over the house and signed the loan papers, no questions asked?" "Oh, Becky, you did that for me! I respect you even more than ever, to do such a thing for me.... So when was number 2?" "Well, Sam, remember when you had that last heart attack and you were needing that very tricky operation, and no surgeon would touch you? Then remember how Dr. DeBakey came all the way up here to do the surgery himself and then you were in good shape again?" "I can't believe it!! Becky, you should do such a thing for me, to save my life... I couldn't have a more wonderful wife... To do such a thing, you must really love me darling... I couldn't be more moved... So, all right then, when was number 3?" "Well, Sam, remember a few years ago, when you really wanted to be president of the fishing club .... And you were 17 votes short....

[jeremyryanwebb]

Billy and Cletus are out fishing and one of them thinks he has hooked a huge one. When he pulls it up to the boat he realizes it is an old lamp. POOF! A genie appears and asks them for one wish.

Billy yelled "Turn this hole lake into beer!"

The genie clapped his hands...the whole pond turned to beer...and the genie disappeared.

Cletus looked at Billy and said "YOU IDIOT! NOW WE GOTTA PEE IN THE BOAT!"

[coryn h. fishowl]

Sam & Becky are celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary and Sam says to Becky "Becky, I was wondering... Have you ever cheated on me?" Becky replies, "Oh Sam, why would you ask such a question now? You don't want to ask that question..." "Yes, Becky, I really want to know. Please..." "Well, all right. Yes, 3 times..." "Three, hmmm, well when were they?" as his face turned red, but realizing he had pressured her... "Well, Sam, remember when you were 35 years old and you really wanted to start the business on your own and no bank would give you a

loan? Remember, then one day the bank president himself came over the house and signed the loan papers, no questions asked?" "Oh, Becky, you did that for me! I respect you even more than ever, to do such a thing for me.... So when was number 2?" "Well, Sam, remember when you had that last heart attack and you were needing that very tricky operation, and no surgeon would touch you? Then remember how Dr. DeBakey came all the way up here to do the surgery himself and then you were in good shape again?" "I can't believe it!! Becky, you should do such a thing for me, to save my life... I couldn't have a more wonderful wife... To do such a thing, you must really love me darling... I couldn't be more moved... So, all right then, when was number 3?" "Well, Sam, remember a few years ago, when you really wanted to be president of the fishing club .... And you were 17 votes short....

Is this true Sam? haha

[Sam]

Yep!

[SirSnookalot]

I've got an app on my smartphone, I play it on the jettie when there are a lot of people.  It's the sound of a reel striping out a lot of line with voices saying " fish on"..............get's them every time, lol.

[Jigfishn10]

 

Two old fishing buddies, Long Mike and Fishing Rhino, were out fishing in some rough waters when Long Mike suddenly lost his dentures over the side of the boat. After seeing the devastated expression on his friend’s face, Fishing Rhino decided to play a prank on his old friend to cheer him up. He removed his own set of false teeth and hooked them on his line and pretended to catch and reel in the missing dentures. After unhooking the false teeth and giving them to his friend, Long Mike took the dentures and thanked and hugged his old buddy. He slipped the dentures in his mouth and immediately removes them and says disgustedly: “They’re not mine, they don’t fit!” and throws them back into the water.  

[Jigfishn10]

Two Florida fishermen, MCS and RoLo, decided to take a weeks vacation in Maine one winter to do some ice fishing for the very first time. They gave up after only one day and returned home. When they were asked why they returned so soon, MCS replied: “Heck, it took us six hours just to get the boat in the water!”

[coryn h. fishowl]

Yep!

Now see, I knew people voted against you for president, I kept wondering how u won.

haha

[jeremyryanwebb]

What do you catch when you go ice fishing?                                            A COLD

[Oregon Native]

YOU SHUDDA BEEN HERE YESTERDAY!!!!

[CayMar]

Mick was talking to his mates at his fishing club and explaining that he couldn't go on the fishing trip because his wife wouldn't let him. His mates gave him some ribbing about him being under the thumb, and Mick sloped off home miserably. Mick's friends arrive at the fishing spot later to find Mick already there fishing away contentedly. The friends were astonished and asked Mick how had he persuaded his wife to become so understanding.

"Well, it's like this explains Mick. "I went home and slumped down in my chair with a glass of wine to drown my sorrows at not being able to join you lot. Then the missus snuck up behind me and covered my eyes and said 'Surprise!' and when I looked, she was standing there in a beautiful, see-through negligee. She said 'carry me to the bedroom and tie me to the bed and you can do whatever you want...' So here I am!!"