Parenting Help/insight

[clayton86]

Ok so I've come to a tough situation at least for me with my boys. As many of ya know I'm a single father raising my boys and been doing a d**n good job if I say so my self...... However tonight my 4 year old had a break down.

He was freaking out not wanting to stay in his bunk bed or sleep in his room alone tonight. He kept insisting he was scared and pointing at the floor and closet. I asked him if ya know he's afraid of a monster in his closet he said "no the closet is fine I hear noises" I told him its just the cat playing and he insisted its not that. I then told him he just hears me getting up in the night to use te bathroom again he insisted no its not that he knows them sound its "just different".

Now this is wear I'm for a loss as I show no sympathy I'm a tough love type parent a lot of " suck it up, walk it off, oh your fine" out of my mouth lol so I'm a little lost my little man is legit scared to sleep alone in this new apt and I'm just telling him "suck it up and sleep its nothing that will hurt you". As tough as I tried to be I still caved and he is in bed laying next to me right at this moment with his boney little knee in my side.

I don't know what to do my two year old I give him milk lay him in the bottom bunk he drinks his milk sets the cut on the floor and passes out. My oldest is terrified I've tried letting him lay with me and move him but it lasts about 10 minutes and he's back in bed with me. I've tried staying in there with him till e sleeps but that doesn't work now either plus I'm afraid of breaking the bunk with my fat arse up there.

What should I do

[jbsoonerfan]

Well, I am not the best when it comes to sleeping arrangements, so take this with a grain of salt. When my wife and I split, my Son was 3 years old. He slept in the bed with me on the nights that he got to stay with me. Now that his Mom is remarried, he sleeps in his own bed at her house, and he has been for 4 years. However, he has slept with me every night that he has stayed with me since our split. He just turned 8 and still sleeps with me when he stays here. I NEVER have a female spend the night with me when I have my Son, so that isn't an issue. I know there are "experts" out there that will say he needs to be in his own bed by now, but I suppose I don't care what most people think. The MOST important thing in my life is my Son. If he is more comfortable in my bed, then he can stay there. I don't imagine it won't be much longer till he will be too cool to sleep with Dad and he will naturally move to his own bed. I have one Son and he is my EVERYTHING. If he wants to sleep in my bed, then he is more than welcome, I don't care what "Dr. Know-it-all" says.

[slonezp]

New apartment? If it's not noisy neighbors, it's just going to take them a little while to get used to the new surroundings. I'd try and make their bedroom as comfortable as you can with toys and maybe some posters of tv shows or books they like. Read them a story before bed(Oh, how I dreaded that. It would put me to sleep, not my son) Eventually, you'll need to be stern with them, or you're never going to sleep alone again.

[Raider Nation Fisher]

Keep trying to get him to sleep in the bunk bed. Get him a night light. Its just a phase. Mine did theb same thing when he was four. He is possiblyvreacting to the change in setting. See if he will sleep in the bottom bunk with the two year old. That's my advice and my take on it. I'm just an electrician parent, so take it for what its worth.

[CayMar]

I think he needs something to take his mind off the noise like music,t.v. Or sounds of nature, whatever works. I also think that he needs lots of reassurance that it is nothing, he is a big boy, and daddy is not going to let anything happen to him. That worked with my nine year old daughter. I let her leave her tv on at night. She always crashes around 9-10 so its not a big deal. That's just my 2 cents. I haven't figured out how to get the 2 year old out of my bed yet though.

[deaknh03]

New apartment? If it's not noisy neighbors, it's just going to take them a little while to get used to the new surroundings. I'd try and make their bedroom as comfortable as you can with toys and maybe some posters of tv shows or books they like. Read them a story before bed(Oh, how I dreaded that. It would put me to sleep, not my son) Eventually, you'll need to be stern with them, or you're never going to sleep alone again.

Like the Webster poster you have in your bedroom?

[slonezp]

Like the Webster poster you have in your bedroom?

What were you doing in my bedroom and why wasn't I there?

 

This is what kept me warm at night when I was a kid

[tomustang]

I have a feeling that got quite a few spots on it.

[rockchalk06]

Have you tried giving him a light up stuffed animal? I have this light up bear thing for my 6 year old. He gets scared at night sometimes and I turn the bear on and it usually helps.

[clayton86]

He has a tv in there with them they get to watch and leave on all night. There is also a night light. The boys love the room can't get em out of it it's got their train set all their trucks and toys you name it they got it. During the day he will be in there climb on top bunk fine and lay and watch tv but soon as I say it's bed time Noah freaks. I've tried getting him to maybe lay with his brother on the bottom but then he cries the cat will get him so idk. He slept with me all night last night but I told him tonight he has to start in his bed if h wakes up he can come in if he wants

[Sam]

Keep trying to get him to sleep in the bunk bed. Get him a night light. Its just a phase. Mine did theb same thing when he was four. He is possiblyvreacting to the change in setting. See if he will sleep in the bottom bunk with the two year old. That's my advice and my take on it. I'm just an electrician parent, so take it for what its worth.

 

X2. And always reassure him that all is safe in his room.

 

Or the Boogy Man will get you!!!!!

[dave]

We had a heck of a time with my oldest son staying in his bed at night.  He slept with us often.  He is now a very well adjusted 6'2"  250#  20 year old man.  It's not that big of a deal and he will grow out of it.

 

Always too,  keep in mind that although kids are resilient,  divorces are tough on kids.  Adults involved tend to over look that.  I have read many times about how well you're doing with them.  Keep up the good work. It's the most important work you'll ever do.

[rockchalk06]

He has a tv in there with them they get to watch and leave on all night. There is also a night light. The boys love the room can't get em out of it it's got their train set all their trucks and toys you name it they got it. During the day he will be in there climb on top bunk fine and lay and watch tv but soon as I say it's bed time Noah freaks. I've tried getting him to maybe lay with his brother on the bottom but then he cries the cat will get him so idk. He slept with me all night last night but I told him tonight he has to start in his bed if h wakes up he can come in if he wants

The TV is entertainment for him. It keeps his mind running. A light up bear soothes them. Just a shot.

[flyfisher]

Yeah i will say he is overstimulated in his bedroom.  For my 3 year old, who has been sleeping in his room since he was about 4 months old, we kept his room for two things pretty much.  Getting ready for the day and sleeping.  We didn't want to get him to play in there as this spot was for sleeping.  He has the living room and subsequently a play room as well now for his toys.

 

When we transitioned him to his "big boy" bed the first night he wanted to get up but after that he is fine.

 

I will also echo the light thing.  My son has one of the dreamlights with the Eagles logo and when he is a little ancy i have him turn it on and ask him to count the stars to me that are shining on the ceiling or walls or whatever.  That usually distracts him enough to get tired and relax.

 

Bed time is all about patterns, routines and expectations.  Kids will adjust....eventually-no matter how hard it seems.

[J Francho]

I used to "spray for monsters."  Use something stinky, like original Lysol.  Tell him you only need to spray once.

[loudcherokee]

I used to "spray for monsters." Use something stinky, like original Lysol. Tell him you only need to spray once.

That's great! I'll have to remember that one.

OP, have you tried the big brother approach? ie: hes the oldest and biggest, so he has to be strong and tuff to protect and watch over his younger sibling? Its his duty to be a big boy and not be scared so his little brother knows hes safe?

LC

[clayton86]

That's great! I'll have to remember that one.

OP, have you tried the big brother approach? ie: hes the oldest and biggest, so he has to be strong and tuff to protect and watch over his younger sibling? Its his duty to be a big boy and not be scared so his little brother knows hes safe?

LC

Sorta I asked him why he's scared that jack is the baby and he is fine sleeping on the bottom

Bunk and sleeps all night. Noah ways get out in the middle of the night to climb in bed with me

[flechero]

I realize that hearing people say it's a phase they grow out of is not very helpful right now, even though it's true.

 

I had to "clear the closet" last night for the 1st time, to show my 4 year old there we no monsters in it.  Kids are smart and remember things we don't, many times.  Pay close attention to what he's watching on TV, I've traced most of the nighttime fears to something specific he watched.  Usually after deleting it off the DVR, he's fine in a day or two.  ('Dispicable Me' had a comment about a monster in the closet which is what got him last night.)

 

Also be sure the night light isn't casting an ominous looking shadow!  We had a monster once that was caused by the night light.  ...lol 

 

My best advice is to never let the child in your bed... most people have bigger trouble overcoming that than the original problem.  Maybe once a week, I will lay down with my son in his bed if he says he's scared... usually 5-10 minutes and he's fine.  On rare occasion, I stay until he's asleep.

 

I like the spraying for monsters idea...  we have lots of scorpions around here so my son is a big fan of the "bug man" and his special spray!

 

Good luck!

[MarkH024]

I was going to say the same about lay in his bed until he's asleep instead of the other way around. Make sure you're on the edge so you can creep out when he's down. But my little guys are only 15 months and I have  yet to experience something like this. It's probably a phase and he'll eventually get over it. Stay strong brother. Single parenting can't be easy so i applaud you for that, and I am thankful my fiance is such a loving mother to our boys.  

There is no feeling in the world to describe when your child is hurt/scared/angry and nothing you do can seem to soothe them. I hope you find the answer you're looking for.

J Francho's spraying idea is clever and I will remember that too. 

[clayton86]

I've tried laying with him and it worked the first time but I don't feel that the bed is safe enough for me lol. It's just a little chinsy bunk bed I'm 187lbs and my son is maybe 45. I'm afraid it's gonna collapses one o these nights and my 2 year old is underneath so that would be bad very bad.

[MarkH024]

I've tried laying with him and it worked the first time but I don't feel that the bed is safe enough for me lol. It's just a little chinsy bunk bed I'm 187lbs and my son is maybe 45. I'm afraid it's gonna collapses one o these nights and my 2 year old is underneath so that would be bad very bad.

Ever seen Step Brothers? rofl........ 

 

[deaknh03]

None of my kids have ever had night lights. Kids LEARN to be afraid of something, like the dark. My kids were never taught that the dark is something to be afraid of, and they are not allowed to watch any television or movies that portray scary monsters or violence, there is plenty of time for that stuff when they grow up. My kids are 3 and 6 1/2, no nightmares, no fear of the dark, they sleep in a completely dark room and have never asked to sleep with mommy and daddy.

[clayton86]

None of my kids have ever had night lights. Kids LEARN to be afraid of something, like the dark. My kids were never taught that the dark is something to be afraid of, and they are not allowed to watch any television or movies that portray scary monsters or violence, there is plenty of time for that stuff when they grow up. My kids are 3 and 6 1/2, no nightmares, no fear of the dark, they sleep in a completely dark room and have never asked to sleep with mommy and daddy.

That would be awesome but everyone treats my boys differently. The ex and her family use fear to control them they whine or are bad and so and so will get you that's why Noah is terrified of chipmunks.

[derekxec]

my niece is 4 years old and was the same way...she would go to bed scared as hell and i would say why you scared? she said the monsters in the dark so i told her if they bother you just punch them in the face they will leave you alone then lol and now she wakes up saying she almost had to punch one in the face lol

[clayton86]

Last night I ended up with BOTH my boys in bed with me I got maybe 2 hours of sleep pure hell. This morning on the way to daycare Noah my 4 year old said he doesn't like staying in his room because he seen some thing red and green crawling on the floor at night. I asked him what it looked like and he said " it's red and green and as big as me and scary" I told him its a reflection on the hard wood floors and the tv. But then my 2 year old kept saying he seen a kitty when we were eating and he pointed at the shelf in the corner and well the cat was no where near it. He kept pointing like it was walking around but the only thing over in the corner was containers of flour, sugar, like baking stuff(yeah I bake cookies) kinda was freaky he swore that a cat was over there but there wasn't.