Question For Those That Lost A Parent

[rockchalk06]

Hey guys have a question. For those of you that have lost a parent, mainly a dad, how long before you seem to feel better about it? I lost dad to cancer last September. He was battling it for about a year and a half so when he passed it was kind of a relief to be knowing he would be happy, not suffering and in a better place.

I'm not a bible thumper persay, but my old man was very religious. He tried to live a life to ensure he would make it heaven. I'd like to believe he did. Dad was catholic so I guess you would call him his father?, told me to talk to him everyday and it would help.

I guess the reason I bring this up, is because I've had some really weird dreams about him over the last few weeks. Dad and I were tight all the way from being a smart ass kid to becoming an adult. We did everything together. The dreams are always about fishing for small mouth on Wilson Lake or hunting Pheasants back home.

Sorry for the long ramble, just curious I guess.

[SirSnookalot]

 

Hey guys have a question. For those of you that have lost a parent, mainly a dad, how long before you seem to feel better about it?

 

Never...........been 21 years and I miss my dad more today than we he passed away.

[rockchalk06]

Kinda what I thought. Ill be doing something and just have a random thought about him. Then realize what I was doing was something that he taught me lol

[Raider Nation Fisher]

It takes a while I guess My grand pop died the memorial day before last. I saw him everyday growing up. He raised me like a son. I saw him more than my own dad until I was 13. My dad worked nights. So I never saw him during the week. He went into work at 3. So he was leaving the same time I was leaving school.

Anyway. I watched the cancer destroy him to the point he didn't even remember me or anyone else. He looked like a skeleton his last 6 months. I was at his house almost everyday his last 2 years. It was the hardest thing I've ever been through. I still miss him everyday. I know he is in heaven. Yet it still hurts not to have him here. Maybe time will make it better. I don't know. I'm sorry for your loss, and hope time will help you more than it has me.

[rockchalk06]

It takes a while I guess My grand pop died the memorial day before last. I saw him everyday growing up. He raised me like a son. I saw him more than my own dad until I was 13. My dad worked nights. So I never saw him during the week. He went into work at 3. So he was leaving the same time I was leaving school.

Anyway. I watched the cancer destroy him to the point he didn't even remember me or anyone else. He looked like a skeleton his last 6 months. I was at his house almost everyday his last 2 years. It was the hardest thing I've ever been through. I still miss him everyday. I know he is in heaven. Yet it still hurts not to have him here. Maybe time will make it better. I don't know. I'm sorry for your loss, and hope time will help you more than it has me.

Thanks.

I had to watch dad slowly slip away too. His cancer came on almost over night. He had a massive tumor of the brain stem for about 6 years and never told anyone. That was like him though. Monday he was working all was fine. Monday evening he was in the ER after a fall. Never walked again without help. I was his home hospice guy for about 5 months. That's **** you'll never get out of your head. I've been in LEO for 11 years and seen some crazy stuff. Nothing prepares you for taking care of a parent.

[SirSnookalot]

My opinion is this, forget about the illness most of us has had or will have those memories.  All it really does is create depression, nothing positive comes out of those thoughts and nothing can be done to change what's already happened.

I would be focusing on the good memories, be healthier for your own well being.  Death is part of life, accept it and move on and make your life as good as you can, your dad would want that.

[rockchalk06]

My opinion is this, forget about the illness most of us has had or will have those memories.  All it really does is create depression, nothing positive comes out of those thoughts and nothing can be done to change what's already happened.

I would be focusing on the good memories, be healthier for your own well being.  Death is part of life, accept it and move on and make your life as good as you can, your dad would want that.

I kinda wonder if the dreams lately are because of this. Both always have us doing the same thing which are good times and some great memories. My fiancé said that I have been giggling in my sleep too. Dad was a character. He was like a cross between SI from Duck Dynasty and R. Lee Irmy..

[Fishes in trees]

I was in my mid 30's when my dad died of an aneurism at age 59.  Basically one morning he woke up, wasn't feeling well, tried to drink a cup of coffee, blood vessel in his brain broke, blood squirted everywhere, he be dead.  To this day, more than anything, I'm ticked.   He was basically afraid of getting old and in many ways he stopped taking care of himself.  He was a long time functioning alcoholic.  He wasn't a joiner.  He wasn't a member of any civic organization.

 

Mid 30's thru early 40's I had some troubling times, fairly severe depression etc.   One of the things that pulled me out of it was realizing I was becoming my father, drinking way too much and too often and I wasn't happy about that.  I realized that was a pretty selfish way to live.

 

I have no clue where I inherited the fishing gene, going back several generations on both sides of my family, none of the men were particularly into fishing or even into being outdoors for that matter.  A classic case of go figure.

 

So, to address the question of whether or not I miss my dad, the kindest answer I can give is yeah, kinda, I guess.

[Ohio Dave]

I have lost a daughter and a dad and neither is easy to take.

 

dad loved to fish but always put it on the back burner to make sure there was food on the table.  After he retired he was able to fish a lot more often and called often to ask how my fishing was going or how my son was doing with what ever sport the season was going on.

 

bottom line: the pain fads but there will always be those times where you say,  I am going to call dad to... and that gut wrencher is there again for a few moments. 

 

I am not much about dreams:  remember that you control them so obviously he is still very much on your mind.  Celebrate his life and your time together but also remember that you have to go on (as hard as that is somedays).  My dad would want me to put family first then go fish when I can and that is exactly what I do.  That is my advice to you as well: if you are blessed/lucky enough to still have other family then put them first on your list.  if its just you then you need to be the top of that list. 

 

carry on brother

[Nitrofreak]

I lost Dad about 11 years ago, it's not that its painful, it's knowing a lot of different things now that he is not around, you can't physically reach out and have a conversation, have a hug, or see him laugh, that really hits home and you realise then that there is a part of you thats still missing, there are times when I am on the water, especially by myself, that still get's me all choked up, he loved to fish and be outdoors, you never get over a loss of someone you had a close connection to, the best you can do is know that they are at peace. 

 

They are with you each and every day in spirit and in memory, it takes time to adjust, make sure the time that you have is spent with all the good thoughts of everything and everything good he passed on to you, make sure all those good things are passed from you to your children. 

 

When we are young, we think 30 is a long time, in the blink of an eye you have passed 30 and turn 50, life is short, make the very most of it you can and give it all you got, to yourself and your family, let them know each and every day how much you love them, we never know how long we have them here with us and they never know how long they have here with you.

 

Thoughts and prayers to ya !!

[moguy1973]

My mother passed away 6 1/2 years ago from sudden lung disease. I miss her a lot to this day. Especially when I look at my 1 year old daughter and know that she is missing out on having an outstanding grandma. I am really lucky to have a wonderful mother-in-law though that will drive 3 hours to help us take care of her so she is really lucky having at least one awesome grandma.

My mom was an avid trout fisherwoman. She tied her own flies and everything. I kept all her fly rods and that is all I use now when I go fly fishing. I still have a ton of her hand tied flies that I catch a lot of fish on. I even think that she's up there helping me catch all those fish on her equipment. It helps a lot to remember all the good times I had fishing with her. I sure did learn a lot from things she taught me and I hope she's proud looking down on me.

It's a good thing when it hurts when you think about a lost loved one. I means you cared a lot about them. Never forget.

[flippin and pitchin]

My dad died 14 years ago after a 31 month battle with cancer.  I can relate to you as I also watched my Dad as he went from a strong and active carpenter to weighing just over 120 pounds. My dad and I were never, what you would call close. He divorced my Mom when I was 27 years old, remarried and I saw little of him for many years, although I tried to keep in touch. My daughters never really knew him. His wife wanted nothing to do with me or my family. I never doubted he loved me, regardless.

 

When he was diagnosed, had surgery and the cancer was found to be all over in his torso, his wife couldn't even tell him.  A distant relative called me about my dad having surgery that day so I drove and arrived in time to talk to the surgeon.  I told my Dad he was not going to live much longer.  I was very lucky he was determined to live because he stayed with us for two years longer than expected. I took that time to spend every minute I could with him even though I lived a days drive away. I was with him the day before he died and promised him I would see him in a couple fo days. To this day, it kills me I wasn't with him when he died. I can't seem to forgive myself for not being there. Enough about that.

 

You will never get over the loss of your father.  He is embodied, in part, in you. The weirdest things, a smell, a sound, a song, driving by a hamburger joint, something you say without thinking ,will trigger a memory of your Dad. Grab hold of that and cherish it.  There are so many kids who never knew or will know their father or have the blessing of a father who is there and loves and nurtures them.  We who had our Dads and lost them are the lucky ones. I had to do a repair on my house yesterday and it required some tricky angles and measurements before I cut the materials. It went perfect. I used some of my Dad's tools during the job. When I was done, I had to say "thanks Dad" out loud to myself. You taught me how to do this.

[BASShunterOH]

In lost mine this past December. I don't have an answer but I assume its never gonna go away. Just may not think about it at some times. I still get sad when I think about him, hear a song, or how I used to call him just to bs. And now I can't.

He to was sick for a long time and had a few extra chances but his time was up. He would have wanted to go rather then stick around in a hospital. Just hold into the memories and smile about/with him as muh as you can.

[Hyrule Bass]

i lost my dad when i was 17 years old, 17 years ago this past april. i still miss him till this day. sometimes i will think about him while riding down the road in the car or something and just start tearing up and cry a little. he was an alcoholic and got cirrhosis of the liver. i think he pushed us(me, my mom, and sisters) away so we didnt have to watch him go through it. my mom moved us to VA, but me and my sister went and saw him every month almost in NC. i hated to see him all swollen up like that. i remember going to NC and visiting him in Duke hospital the same weekend as my tribes pow-wow. returned home sunday night to VA and went to school monday morning. got called out of class to the office for an early release, my mom was there to pick me up, my grandfather had called and my dad passed away that morning and back to NC i went. It was one of the toughest funerals i ever been to, but a lot of my friends showed up and that helped to support me. i used to visit his gravesite everytime i went to NC, but i havent done that in awhile now. i feel like its a pain inside of you that never lets go, but also one that you learn to cope with and it doesnt affect your every day mentality.

 

i have some good memories that i dwell on from time to time. one is the only time me and him went fishing with just the two of us, yeah it only happened once ever, when i was about 7-8 years old. we had many family fishing trips, but it had never been just us. we used to go to this nature center in great falls and park. walk down a trail in the woods and come to a pond, make a right and walk down a different trail that ended up paralleling the potomac river. we must of timed it just right because we brung home a stringer full of bass. just cast your night crawler out, let it drift down river and when it got under a certain tree limb overhanging the water you just start to reel back in and you would have a bass most every cast that day it seemed.

 

then there was the 1991 football season. this was the year i truely got into watching football and my dad taught me a lot about the game and the rules. every sunday we would sit together and watch the redskins play, cheering and yelling at the tv. turns out that would be a season in which the redskins went on to win the superbowl. i always guess there was just something about that season that it was destiny for us to watch every game together and for our team to win it all. we never ended up watching a whole season together like that again.

 

i could go on and on, but well, ill just end it here...

[shootermcbob]

Lost my Dad to pancreatic cancer a little over two years ago. I miss him even more than I ever imagined, and I knew I would miss him terribly. Like most of the posters, I will be doing something, anything, and I will just think of him. I tend to believe that is him watching over me and my family....as that is what he has always done. As SirSnookAlot said, focus on the good things, good times, and laughter.

[dave]

My mom passed away after battling melanoma for three years.  She (we) were blessed that all of her medical care came at the hands of the cancer specialists at Johns Hopkins Medical Center in Baltimore. We were able to have her with us for much longer than the typical melanoma patient.   I still don't think I have experienced the gravity that she is gone.  I believe I am closer now to my dad. (we always had a good relationship,  it is now just better)

 

I know his mindset as a Catholic,  as both she and I were and are devout Catholics..   It is an incredible comfort having that relationship with God,  knowing that she and your dad are on the road to Heaven.  I don't want this to become a deletable religious post.  Never stop praying for your dad and never stop asking God to allow your dad's prayers for you,  to reach you.

 

On the dreams part,  I had a best friend shot and killed nineteen years ago.  Shortly after,  I had dreams in which I was talking with him about death and the afterlife. Those dreams were as vivid and real as if he were alive and in the same room with me.   They have meant a lot to me. 

[jhoffman]

I lost my grandfather a few years ago, he in my eyes was my father. He made me an outdoorsman. I can count on one hand the amount of time I spent with my real father... whats odd... it was my fathers father, not my mothers. I loved him and my grandmother like no other, the closest I can describe it at this point is like I love my son. They were married for almost 50 years, one month shy of 50 when my grandmother died. I spoke at her funeral, the only family member to speak and my grandfather told me how wonderful that was. When the day came for him I again was the only member of the family to speak and when I walked out a member of the funeral home stopped me to tell me that he had never heard anyone speak so highly of someone in all of his years and that my grandfather wouldve been honored.

 

I really wish he couldve been around to see my son, both of them wouldve loved Carter to no end. Heck I get tears thinking about it just writing this.

[rockchalk06]

Thanks for the replies guys. Ya the dreams are actually really nice. Dad was the Cheif of Police in a small town that had a decent amount of crime. News was there a couple times of month. I have a bunch of you tube videos from some interviews. I play them for my son and he loves papa the cop lol

[shootermcbob]

Thanks for the replies guys. Ya the dreams are actually really nice. Dad was the Cheif of Police in a small town that had a decent amount of crime. News was there a couple times of month. I have a bunch of you tube videos from some interviews. I play them for my son and he loves papa the cop lol

Very cool. What a terrific way to remember your Dad. Good for you, and good for you son too.

[ww2farmer]

I was, like a few of the other posters, raised by my grandparents. I won't get into the reasons why they had to do it, other than my biological parents are not good people. To me, they are my parents, and nothing will ever change that. My grandmother died suddenly in 2004. Not a day goes by that I don't think of her, or my sister who died on my birthday in 2001. They both are buried in the cemetery that overlooks the lake I fish all the time. It never, for me, gets any easier. I see the way my kids interact with each other and it constantly reminds me of how my sister and I were as kids. And I also wish my grandmother would have lived to see my kids. For years she hinted around to my wife and I that she would like to have great-grandkids, and the week after we told them we were going to have our first, she died. I can't offer you any words of wisdom, as I have had a tough time with it myself, even after all these years.

[Bankbeater]

We lost my mom about eight years ago.  Her and I were never very close, but it still chokes me up to think that she is gone.