Boy Trouble

[Daddyodo]

So my 15 year old decided that her mother and I are too repressive so she ran away. We found her that night and upon talking to her we hear that we are unfair and to strict. It boils down to the fact that we had set a standard of our girls not being allowed to date until they turn 16.So I find out that she is seeing a man who is 18 and not going to graduate high school. He is coming over to discuss the situation. I am going to tell him that if I find out that he and my daughter have had intercourse I will have him arrested for statutory rape. it is not the fact that he is a bum that bothers me, its the fact that he is an 18 year old bum.

My daughter has told her mother and I that she does not care about our rules, that she is going to continue to date and to date whoever she wants. I would love to get your opinions as to how you guy's would handle this.

[Sam]

Military school????

 

She is hot headed and has not matured as you would have expected a

[Sam]

15 year old would be expected to have matured.

 

I have no input as I have never had the problem. I hope she does not do something stuipd and run off with the guy.

 

All the best to work this out with her.

[Raider Nation Fisher]

I can understand your anger. However don't make the man into a sex offender over the issue. Beat the boy to ground if you must. Hell castrate the lad. Don't ruin his life, in that way, over it though. I'm not even that cruel.

[MarkH024]

Man am I glad I had twin boys. Girls would be the end of me. Good luck with your situation.

[Teal]

I dont have a daughter or a teenager for that matter but im going to wing it.

I would meet the young man and i would discuss whats been going on, but i wouldnt give an inch on what your rules are. You lay the ground work for what your rules are, why they are in place, and the consquences.

Impress upon her that it is natural to start having feelings for boys at that age, but she must still have discapline and obey your rules. be sure to impress upon her that you are not being strict to be mean, but to protect her and guarantee her prosperous future. Let her know that she is precious and valuable to you and that her saftey and future is paramount. And whatever criteria that you and kom set for the young men to meet, she must make sure that they meet it or move on. Also ask her a few questions, ask her whats shes worth and what kind of man she wants to marry. Let her see that she deserves more. And that if this young man really cares, he would help her obey the rules and do this thing the right way...(if there is one)

As for the young man, let him know that you will not sit idlely by and allow him to do things that against your rules. Let him know the consquences. Advise him that he needs to go to school and act like a proper young man and not encourage your daguhter to do these things like running away.

Man i cant tell you word for word what to say, but i can say tyat lack of communication is a leading cause is strife. Youve gotta connect with your daughter, spend time with her, and be the only man in her life until it YOUR time to give her away.

Not an expert, just an ex cop and a youth counselor at church....pm me if your have any questions.

Wouldnt be a bad idea, to seek some counseling at your local church or clinic.

[Teal]

Agree with Raider on the sex offender thing.

To be honest, i wouldnt even mention it. Keep it in your pocket as a last resort.

[Ima Bass Ninja]

I can understand your anger. However don't make the man into a sex offender over the issue. Beat the boy to ground if you must. Hell castrate the lad. Don't ruin his life, in that way, over it though. I'm not even that cruel.

I have to disagree with ya there bud. If he takes your advice daddyo will be the one in jail for assault and battery. Laws are put in place to discourage this sort of behavior. If the kid can't keep his hands of a 15 yr old then he has no self control. Letting him be will only encourage his and possibly those around him behavior. Sending a message may prevent someone else from doing the same to Someone else's kid. I was 18 too once but was smart and had enough control to keep my body parts to myself or at least those over 18.

[Raider Nation Fisher]

I have to disagree with ya there bud. If he takes your advice daddyo will be the one in jail for assault and battery. Laws are put in place to discourage this sort of behavior. If the kid can't keep his hands of a 15 yr old then he has no self control. Letting him be will only encourage his and possibly those around him behavior. Sending a message may prevent someone else from doing the same to Someone else's kid. I was 18 too once but was smart and had enough control to keep my body parts to myself or at least those over 18.

Your talking high schoolers though. I agree they should wait. However branding the boy an SO for life is overly harsh. Again we are talking about teenagers. Not a grown man, a teenager. There is nothing wrong with threatening or anything else in my opinion. My bro and I have chased off a lot if guys that came sniffing around my sister. Who is ten years younger than me. However threatening Statutory Rape, is crossing a line. Again if the boy has to go he has to go. It ain't that hard to remove a person from the equation.

My girlfriend in highschool was a year younger than me. We dated from when I was sixteen until I was 3 months shy of 19. Should we have broken up or gone celibate until she turned 18, nine months after I did?

Also as far assault and battery goes. Its only a crime if...

A. The person decides to testify.

B. Said person chooses to press charges.

Both of these are very easy to avoid.

[Hi Salenity]

Don't get me wrong I'm not condoning what she is or may be doing but if she can't date until 16 she is probably socially falling behind her peers... If her friends can date but she can't you are going to have a stressful household.

[Jake P]

Im going to state my opinion and probably get flamed for it but I really dont care. I was that hard headed teen that did not care or listen to anyone. No matter how much you tell her your reasoning for your rules, reguardless of how right or wrong they may be, she will not listen. I honestly feel im right. She has already stated it and has went behind your back and ran away. She is past the point of just talking to. She will have to learn from her mistakes after she makes them to realize that you were in fact right and doing this for the right reasons.

 

Like HiSalenity said, she is socially behind her peers. This puts SO much stress on her to see her friends going out with guys and talking about dating while she sits back and says shes not allowed because her parents dont appove. I am not saying what your doing is wrong, Im just telling you how it is standing in her shoes.

 

There is not much difference in 15 and 18. Legally, yes. Realistically no. And to label a young man a sex offender when in reality he didnt "offend" anyone except you and your wife is IMO ridiculous. I dont feel like its a parents choice to choose to file charges on a guy when the daughter wanted to have sex just as much as the guy. That is ignorant. Not that they did, im speaking hypothetically.

 

It seems threatening some sort of action is only making her rebel more. Maybe try asking her how she feels about the rules yall as parents have set, ask her what she would change if she could. Maybe yall can find some common ground.

 

I would DEFINITELY talk with the guy. Let him know he needs to respect her, and yall as parents and your wishes. I would remind him that any sexual relations are illegal due to the age difference. Maybe the thought in his head will deter him? IDK.

 

I say all of this because I was the kid that didnt listen to anyone and made alot of mistakes. No matter how many times my mother talked to me in many different ways, I still had to learn on my own. Luckily I didnt do anything life changing, but I did cause alot of hard times on my family. I respect them and love them for trying everyday.

 

Listen to your daughter, really listen. I hope she comes around and realizes what shes doing is wrong. I hope the best for your family. Good luck brother.

[derekxec]

personally if i had a daughter i would invite him over to beat him silly lol...he would wish i would have called the cops haha 

 

also just because the boy didnt finish high school doesnt mean anything...look at some of the richest people in the world half of them didnt finish high school or college...hell i didnt finish high school and i didnt go to college but i make $1600 in a 40 hour week doing mostly nothing lol

[Ima Bass Ninja]

Your talking high schoolers though. I agree they should wait. However branding the boy an SO for life is overly harsh. Again we are talking about teenagers. Not a grown man, a teenager. There is nothing wrong with threatening or anything else in my opinion. My bro and I have chased off a lot if guys that came sniffing around my sister. Who is ten years younger than me. However threatening Statutory Rape, is crossing a line. Again if the boy has to go he has to go. It ain't that hard to remove a person from the equation.

My girlfriend in highschool was a year younger than me. We dated from when I was sixteen until I was 3 months shy of 19. Should we have broken up or gone celibate until she turned 18, nine months after I did?

Also as far assault and battery goes. Its only a crime if...

A. The person decides to testify.

B. Said person chooses to press charges.

Both of these are very easy to avoid.

I'm not saying automatically charge him but I would certainly let him Know that if he decides to pursue that path then I would press charges In A minute. He would be clear where I stood on the subject and if he decided to do it anyway he had been made aware of what the consequences would be. It would be his choice. It takes 2 people to date.

Violence solves nothin. What happens if this kid you went to lay a whoopin on kicked your arse? What then, you gonna get your bro to help? What if this kid just decides to pull a gun and solve it that way? Are you solving problems then? And maybe you actually to Lay a whoopin to him and he sits around and decides to just drive by a lay a stream of bullets inside your house ? Is that ok? He's only a teenager right? Sounds like the kid has already made poor decisions you think he won't make a few more? You think this kind of stuff doesn't happen, it happens everyday. Running around taking action before you think of the consequences usually ends up making you a statistic.

As far as your personal life I'm not touching that question. That's usually the kind of thing that leads to more than just open discussion.

[Raider Nation Fisher]

I'm not saying automatically charge him but I would certainly let him Know that if he decides to pursue that path then I would press charges In A minute. He would be clear where I stood on the subject and if he decided to do it anyway he had been made aware of what the consequences would be. It would be his choice. It takes 2 people to date.

Violence solves nothin. What happens if this kid you went to lay a whoopin on kicked your arse? What then, you gonna get your bro to help? What if this kid just decides to pull a gun and solve it that way? Are you solving problems then? And maybe you actually to Lay a whoopin to him and he sits around and decides to just drive by a lay a stream of bullets inside your house ? Is that ok? He's only a teenager right? Sounds like the kid has already made poor decisions you think he won't make a few more? You think this kind of stuff doesn't happen, it happens everyday. Running around taking action before you think of the consequences usually ends up making you a statistic.

As far as your personal life I'm not touching that question. That's usually the kind of thing that leads to more than just open discussion.

Violence may not always be the best option, but its still an option. I ain't had to fight with one of them yet. As for if boy wants to use a weapon. That's his choice. I'm MORE than capable of defending myself. Im also MORE than capable of retaliating if something happens. I still know the same people i always have. Nothings changed in that respect. Ive distanced myself from them and don,t associate with them anymore. They are still there though. As for a teenager laying a whooping on me. That is laughable. Boy better have his buddies with him. Cause he ain't gonna do it alone.

To each his own though. I'm not seeing either of us budging on this. Its been fun, but I believe we are gonna have to agree to disagree. I'm not gonna discuss this anymore today with you. Peace out Homie.

[deaknh03]

Violence may not always be the best option, but its still an option. I ain't had to fight with one of them yet. As for if boy wants to use a weapon. That's his choice. I'm MORE than capable of defending myself. Im also MORE than capable of retaliating if something happens. I still know the same people i always have. Nothings changed in that respect. Ive distanced myself from them and don,t associate with them anymore. They are still there though. As for a teenager laying a whooping on me. That is laughable. Boy better have his buddies with him. Cause he ain't gonna do it alone.

To each his own though. I'm not seeing either of us budging on this. Its been fun, but I believe we are gonna have to agree to disagree. I'm not gonna discuss this anymore today with you. Peace out Homie.

When I was growing up, if you misbehaved you got smacked, and if someone messed with my family, they got smacked. I didnt grow up to be a violent person, and neither did my brother, and we both got plenty of smacks, and threw some around ourselves. Sometimes the best deterrent is to get hurt. When a baby touches a hot stove, they get burned, but the will never touch that stove again.

[Daddyodo]

Thanks all, My wife and I had a talk with the young man last night and we expressed our concerns with them and what they were doing. I laid out our ground rules and the standards that we have for our daughters. I asked him what his intentions were and why he wanted to date my daughter. He gave his reasons and them I gave him my concerns. I said that in my eyes there are three reasons why you date. 1)SEX 2)Courtship for marriage 3) meaningful relationships with the opposite sex. I let him know that the first 2 were out!! I know some of you disagree with me but I also let him know that if I find that he and my daughter have had sexual intercourse I will press charges. I then went on to tell him that my daughter and her sister are the most precious, and valuable thing in my life next to my relationship to God and my wife and that while they were in open rebellion against us IF ANYTHING HAPPENED TO MY DAUGHTER WHILE SHE WAS WITH HIM I WOULD HOLD HIM PERSONALLY RESPONSABLE PERIOD! I gave him a challenge, that if he really loved my daughter and truly cared about her he would be willing to wait for her. After all she turns 16 in the spring of next year.

We shall see.

[preach4bass]

Sounds like you handled it perfectly!

[Raider Nation Fisher]

When I was growing up, if you misbehaved you got smacked, and if someone messed with my family, they got smacked. I didnt grow up to be a violent person, and neither did my brother, and we both got plenty of smacks, and threw some around ourselves. Sometimes the best deterrent is to get hurt. When a baby touches a hot stove, they get burned, but the will never touch that stove again.

Same here.

We were taught family comes before everything. You fight for your family, and defend your family. Be they right or wrong. Next to God, family is the one constant in your life. You never let someone mess with them or threaten them. That includes my aunts, uncles, and cousins on my moms side. The Scottish and Ukrainian heritage on that side really shows through. Especially the Ukrainian side.

Mi Familia Por Vida!

[Raider Nation Fisher]

Thanks all, My wife and I had a talk with the young man last night and we expressed our concerns with them and what they were doing. I laid out our ground rules and the standards that we have for our daughters. I asked him what his intentions were and why he wanted to date my daughter. He gave his reasons and them I gave him my concerns. I said that in my eyes there are three reasons why you date. 1)SEX 2)Courtship for marriage 3) meaningful relationships with the opposite sex. I let him know that the first 2 were out!! I know some of you disagree with me but I also let him know that if I find that he and my daughter have had sexual intercourse I will press charges. I then went on to tell him that my daughter and her sister are the most precious, and valuable thing in my life next to my relationship to God and my wife and that while they were in open rebellion against us IF ANYTHING HAPPENED TO MY DAUGHTER WHILE SHE WAS WITH HIM I WOULD HOLD HIM PERSONALLY RESPONSABLE PERIOD! I gave him a challenge, that if he really loved my daughter and truly cared about her he would be willing to wait for her. After all she turns 16 in the spring of next year.We shall see.

If I was that boy I would head for the hills. I mean no disrespect or anything by this. You my friend are VERY protective of them girls. I respect that. I can even respect threatening to call the popo on him. I guess it ain't no different than my confrontational approach. Its just legal as opposed to my methods It probably don't mean much coming from me, but you sir are a good father.

[slonezp]

I raised my stepdaughter since she was 6, she's now 24. Couple things I did that I think have worked since she has never come home pregnant, is stressed to her that all guys want is sex, and picked apart every guy she has dated, finding their flaws, and reminding her of those flaws on a daily basis. I also reminded her on a daily basis that if she came home pregnant I'd kill her(joking of course).  

[ClackerBuzz]

I raised my stepdaughter since she was 6, she's now 24. Couple things I did that I think have worked since she has never come home pregnant, is stressed to her that all guys want is sex, and picked apart every guy she has dated, finding their flaws, and reminding her of those flaws on a daily basis. I also reminded her on a daily basis that if she came home pregnant I'd kill her(joking of course).  

I couldn't agree more.  girls are much better prepared and more skeptical if they know the facts: most guys only want sex.  most 18yr old guys want an older woman ie 20 or 21yo.  frankly put ...an 18yo guy liking a 15yo old is b/c she is a virgin.  she should be made aware of this.   she should want to share that experience with someone special ie her husband or future husband.  although she thinks he qualifies,  he obviously doesn't.  pointing out the consequences wouldn't be a bad thing:   he will leave you if you give up ur virginity before marriage.  and of course her strength in the situation: if he truly loves you, he will be willing to wait until ur married.

timelines help too:  see if he's willing to wait 3 yrs before having sex (or "till she is 18 and can get married").  we all know he'll be gone in 3 months 

[Matt Jungblut]

I have raised 2 girls  1 is 22 other is 18

The oldest hit 14 and was out of control with boys  being out past curfew no listening

so what does a father do i grounded her well that didnt work so i told her its my house my rules you dont like it i will find you a different place to live.

She did the run away thing when the cops brought her home at 3am from hiding in her bf's attic. My wife and i took her to a shelter and told them of the issues we where having they took her and put her roughly 60 miles away. That lasted 1 day and she was calling i want to come home which my wife agreed to. Well since we took her to the shelter then the department of human services got involved. To make a long story short we didnt get any help from them. They just made it worse I turned into the bad guy and every thing was my fault. We would take her to school and pick her up and the boy was always there didnt even go to the same school. I find out he is tryin to get a gun to kill me. Flash forward to now the 22yr has 2 kids a bum for a bf didnt even make out of the 10th grade never has had a job. The 18yr just graduated high school 2 days ago has a full time job her own car she makes the payments on. Both kids were raised the same way both took different paths.

My advice is when you sit the 18yr bf down make sure he understands your rules and what happens if he doesnt follow them the cops will be involed im sure when he sees you are serious about filling charges and he having to register as a sex ohfender his out look on dating ur daughter will change

[Nitrofreak]

Thanks all, My wife and I had a talk with the young man last night and we expressed our concerns with them and what they were doing. I laid out our ground rules and the standards that we have for our daughters. I asked him what his intentions were and why he wanted to date my daughter. He gave his reasons and them I gave him my concerns. I said that in my eyes there are three reasons why you date. 1)SEX 2)Courtship for marriage 3) meaningful relationships with the opposite sex. I let him know that the first 2 were out!! I know some of you disagree with me but I also let him know that if I find that he and my daughter have had sexual intercourse I will press charges. I then went on to tell him that my daughter and her sister are the most precious, and valuable thing in my life next to my relationship to God and my wife and that while they were in open rebellion against us IF ANYTHING HAPPENED TO MY DAUGHTER WHILE SHE WAS WITH HIM I WOULD HOLD HIM PERSONALLY RESPONSABLE PERIOD! I gave him a challenge, that if he really loved my daughter and truly cared about her he would be willing to wait for her. After all she turns 16 in the spring of next year.

We shall see.

 

As a dad of two girls my self, I commend you for taking the family approach and have all involved in the discussion, it's not that I disagree with you at all, I just take a much more direct approach,  you took an approach as a caring dad and mom, something we need a lot more of today, I am VERY PROTECTIVE of my girls even though they are now 24 and 19, I know what you dads are going through, especially as they start to express their freedoms.

 

I also commend the young man for showing up in the first place, that shows a little respect and that his parents must have done something somewhat right, I hope you made him pee his pants, thats always funny !!!

[aquaholic]

How much of a loser is this kid? No offence but back when i was 18 a 15 year old seemed like a little kid to me. I disagree with getting the police involved, its probably tough to hear or think about but kids these days are "experimenting" extremely early. I don't think its fair to ruin his entire life, especially since it took 2 people to make the decision ( if it was only 1, then game on). I think i'd compromise with your daughter and tell her that shes allowed to date but that for now they should be in the same grade as her. That way she doesn't take your decision out on you and go do things just to try and get back at you. And you still have some control over whats going on.

[Maxximus Redneckus]

Make sure ur cleaning ur gun when y'all talk