A Self -Tazering Story

[A-Jay]

Someone sent me this - thought I'd share.

 

I could almost see me doing this - almost.

 

A-Jay

Pocket Tazer Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife....
A guy who purchased his lovely wife a pocket Tazer for their anniversary submitted this:
Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife Julie. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized Tazer.
The effects of the Tazer were supposed to be short lived, with no long term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety...??
WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home... I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button and pressed it against a metal surface at the same time, I'd get the blue arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs.
AWESOME!!! Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave.
Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two AAA batteries, right?
There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target.
I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and then thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised.
Am I wrong?
So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and Tazer in another.
The directions said that:
a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant;
a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; and
a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water.
Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries.
All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5" long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference (loaded with two itsy, bitsy AAA batteries); pretty cute really, and thinking to myself, 'no possible way!'
What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best.
I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side so as to say, 'Don't do it stupid,' reasoning that a one second burst from such a tiny lil ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad.. I decided to give myself a one second burst just for heck of it.
I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and...
HOLY MOTHER OF GOD. WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION. WHAT THE... !!!
I'm pretty sure Hulk Hogan ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs! The cat was making meowing sounds I had never heard before, clinging to a picture frame hanging above the fireplace, obviously in an attempt to avoid getting slammed by my body flopping all over the living room.
Note:If you ever feel compelled to 'mug' yourself with a Tazer, one note of caution:
There is NO such thing as a one second burst when you zap yourself! You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor!
A three second burst would be considered conservative!
A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape.
My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace.
· The recliner was upside down and about 8 feet or so from where it originally was.
· My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching..
· My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs.
· I had no control over the drooling.
· Apparently I had crapped in my shorts, but was too numb to know for sure, and my sense of smell was gone.
· I saw a faint smoke cloud above my head, which I believe came from my hair.
I'm still looking for my testicles and I'm offering a significant reward for their safe return!

PS: My wife can't stop laughing about my experience, loved the gift and now regularly threatens me with it!
If you think education is difficult, try being stupid!!!!

 

[Dave P]

I got myself while switching cartridges last training glass. I didn't let off the trigger. It sucked.

[A-Jay]

I got myself while switching cartridges last training glass. I didn't let off the trigger. It sucked.

 

Was there video of the event ?

 

The rest of your class must have been very entertained.

 

A-Jay

[flippin and pitchin]

Can you say FICTIONAL ACCOUNT ?

[A-Jay]

I guess - but it's still funny.

 

A-Jay

[bassman31783]

Fictional - probably so.  Funny - absolutely.

 

I'm glad "youtube" wasn't big when I was in college, otherwise there would be

at least 2 videos of me getting tazed.  Ha.  Oh what we used to do just to get

a laugh. 

[Dave P]

No video, just some new swear words. It was during a room clear and fortunately not many witnessed it.

[A-Jay]

No video, just some new swear words. It was during a room clear and fortunately not many witnessed it.

 

I know what that's like - the few who were witness - they never let you forget it either . . .

 

A-Jay

[00 mod]

I literally LOL'ed earlier when I read that.  Then passed it onto my m-i-l who did the same.

 

Jeff

[Bluebasser86]

I got myself while switching cartridges last training glass. I didn't let off the trigger. It sucked.

I did the same thing in the academy, twice. When I got tazed I got hit with one probe and the other misses over my shoulder. So I got 5 seconds of bad burning/shocking on the back of my shoulder blade then I got drive stunned in the back of my thigh for 5 seconds to get the full ride. I have the video of that and of me getting sprayed on a DVD.

[OkeechobeeAngler]

I'd rather get tazed anyday then sprayed.

[Teal]

I'd rather get tazed anyday then sprayed.

Before i comment, i gotta ask.... Have you been tazed or sprayed before

I have...a few times, by the Tazer X26 and one of the older models. I dont know what unit or what type of unit the writer was talking about so ive been hesitant to respond to it.

Ive also been sprayed, once as training excercise and other times on accident or as we a call it "casualty of situation"

Neither feels very good.

[Teal]

I got myself while switching cartridges last training glass. I didn't let off the trigger. It sucked.

Ive done that before, but it was on a dry taze, no cartridge.. thats what iget for jawjacking while doing an arch test.

[Teal]

I was on the ground fighting with a "badguy" and another officer pulled up and attempted to shoot the bad guy, one probe went in the bad guy and one into me, we both took the entire ride. The officer swears he yelled out tazer,tazer,tazer....i never heard him... i wasnt too mad at him, the bad guy was starting to get the better of me... (a word of wisdom to yall officers, dont go in alone like john wayne if you dont have to)

Thats my brief tazer story, been tazed in ever tazer class i took, (4) i didnt have to, but somone had to be the guinea pig.

[OkeechobeeAngler]

Yes I've been tazed, sprayed road the belt, the sheild and various other electronic restraint devices. I worked 10 yrs for the Fl dept. of Corrections and a 2 Sheriff depts.

[Teal]

Ok!! Good to know! Alot of officers here agree that being tazed is AWFUL and it hurts really bad but would rather be tazed than sprayed, because the pain in tazer only last for five seconds or until its over, but peper spray hurts and lingers for an hour or so and then shows up again when you shower.

Good to know that the THIN BLUE LINE is strong on BR

[flippin and pitchin]

For those of us who have deployed a Taser on the job, we know it's not the end all force response tool. The way you know it is working effectively is the suspect yelps, " I'm Sorry..I'm Sorry." Yes it does hurt.

[Dave P]

Pepper spray sucks a## worse than anything I can think of. After the five second ride, the taser stops. OC is the gift that keeps on giving.

[Raider Nation Fisher]

The store said tazer was bought at is in Birmingham. Trussville to be exact. I was in there two weeks ago.

[Raider Nation Fisher]

I've never been tazered before. I've been zapped by 120v numerous times. 277 once. 480 once, And 15KV once. 120 is not bad. It makes you look around embarrassed you got zapped though. 277 is the most miserable thing in the world. It hurts like hell. Its also strong enough that its not gonna let you go. The worst part is your muscles hurt for a day or so afterwards. 480 hurts very bad, but doesn't hold you onto it. Instead it blows a chunk out of you. It took a dime sized chunk out of my knee where it I was contacting a metal stud. 15kv was miserable as well. It was pain beyond pain. I wished and prayed to die in those few seconds. It was absolutely horrible. The worst part was I felt like I had been hit with a bat or by a car for the next week. Course this was all AC.

[Bankbeater]

Never tazed, but I took a small electric shock one time as a training exercise.  I had to put both hands on electrodes to complete a circuit.  Both arms went numb and I felt like someone had hit me in the chest with a sledgehammer.  All the fun of being shocked and a heart attack rolled into one.

[DelfiBoyz_One_and_Only]

If you have ever been tazered you know that you lose control of your muscles, you lock up in a since. I can see this story being true. When I was in the academy I went for the full ride and WOW let me too it’s no fun, but when it is over its over. I agree with some of the others on here that would rather be tazered than OC sprayed. That FOX OC spray is no joke and the effects will last at minimum 30 minutes, and after you bath another at least 15. Not to mention the snotty mess!

Jay