Life Question Or Mid Life Crisis

[Sfritr]

I truly respect the opinions and feedback given on this site.  Recently, I have been going through a mid life crisis of sorts.  Like many, I no longer enjoy my job.  I have been in the restaraunt/bar business for almost 20 years.  Its just not fun anymore and to work 65-75+ hours a week and not enjoy what your doing weighs heavily.  My wife and I have, within the last year, welcomed God into our lives.  I don't consider myself a bible thumper by any means but I do acknowledge he plays a role in our lives.  And, I have felt his presence in my daily life recently. 

I feel the need to change my line of work.  First and foremost, because I'm unhappy but I also feel the need to help others in some fashion.  The problem:  I don't have the foggiest idea??   I would love to work with our returning heros in some fashion or with children. Really, I just feel like I could be making a difference somewhere and cannot in my current line of work.   I make a modest salary so money isn't the goal.  I'd be happy to move somewhat laterally and have more time for family.

 

I just feel a bit stuck and want some honest feedback.  Thanks everyone

[slonezp]

I don't have any advice for you but I feel for you. I have done refrigeration work in restaurants for the last 15 years and wouldn't wish restaurant employment on anyone. Good luck with whatever you choose

[A-Jay]

This is not mine - but it helped me quite a bit.

 

A-Jay

 

When we are wrapped up in a 'mid-life crisis' it is
very difficult to think clearly, to feel consistently, or to act predictably.
Those of us who have lived fairly adult lives full of adult commitments, hit
some point in time when we wonder if there is something more to life than being
the good person that we have been. We begin to wonder about what life would
have been like if we had done this or that instead of what we have done.
Choices are reconsidered, values re-examined, commitments questioned.
Obviously, it can be a season of chaos for everyone close to the mid-lifer.
 

Here are actions you can take to make sure you grow
through mid-life into a higher level of maturity and wisdom.
 

 Keep giving yourself a lot of positive self-talk "This is a critical time in my life and I need to
navigate it well. I need to re-evaluate who I am so that I can grow-up and move
ahead. Now is the time. Maybe I didn’t invite this confusion into my life, but
it is here, and I am going to take advantage of it to become a stronger and
more well centered person. No backing down."

 Figure out what principles you will organize your life around, and then begin to manage your life by those principles. If you do this, you will grow through this mid-life crisis. If not,
you will have missed the incredible opportunity this is.

 Commit to living truthfully. Be truthful with yourself, with a friend,
with a Spiritual Leader, and with your spouse. The truth will set you free, because grown-up people face the truth and live truthfully with others. If you are
not telling the truth, what fear is driving you? Examine it. You are probably
trying to manage your anxiety, or someone else's.

 Engage your Lover in the process of self-examination by asking your lover to
articulate their principles as well. Ask your friends and family to do the
same. I‘ve seen this work powerfully in extended families. Instead of fragmenting
and falling apart, everyone gets centered, strong and healthy. 

  During the mid-life crisis one deals with the shadow side of one’s persona. 'Dealing' with oneself at this level is a heroic adventure. Do it. Be your own hero. Wrestle with the demons and awaken to the truth.

 Do not, absolutely do not, be harsh with your loved ones. They are not the cause of your problems. You are outgrowing your own skin. Focus on your own growth and be gracious to those who live close
to you.

 

Again I say: This is a powerful time of growth that is
the gateway into a more integrated, whole, and mature life. Be patient with
yourself, and encourage your loved ones to be patient with you as well.
Remember, the greatest gift you can give your marriage is your attention.

 

[Teal]

Pray on it, and be patient. What ever it is, just be patient...just make sure to have an open dialogue with the wife/kids. But most of all, pray on it.

[Teal]

A-Jay, i know this thread isnt about me, but i loved that. Im so gonna steal that. Thanks for posting it.

[deaknh03]

Contact the local SCORE office near you. They have people there that will sit with you, listen to you, and give you advice based on what you want to do. They usually deal with people that have a preexisitng business in the works, but you can tell them your situation and you can bounce ideas off of them. They also will point you in the right direction as far as getting started, and grants/low interest start up funding. This is all predicated on you starting your own business, if you ant to keep working for the man, they are of no help.

[Root beer]

You should go on a backpacking trip and reconnect with nature. There is absolutely nothing better than a spiritual journey in nature that will give you guidance.

[Basseditor]

I love nature, it's part of my career, don't get me wrong, but sometimes we substitute nature for the longing in our soul to be more spiritual, to be more God like. We see it in your desire to serve others. Serving others is a worthy God-like attribute.

So, think about a career change, one that gives you time to serve. Look at your local job placement services, is there something you can do to make a lateral move? You cannot serve when you can't take care of you and your family, but you can serve when your basic needs are met and you have a desire to help.

Most jobs are filled through referrals now. Make a list of who you know that could offer advice or know of openings. Good luck. (I've helped people learn how to look for jobs so I have some resources.) let me know if I can help.

[Bankbeater]

Contact your church and see what programs they have set up.

[CoBass]

If you don't mind going back to school for a little while, the medical field is a good way to help folks and a lot of fields only require two yrs or less of schooling. They are also good careers to be in for family time. Most hospitals have full time positions that are three twelve hr shifts per week. Only having to work twelve days per month for full time employment leaves a lot of time for family (and fishing). You won't get rich doing it, most of the two yr degrees pay in the $20-$30/hr range, but you won't go broke either. In some fields like nursing you can specialize (ER,ICU,surgery) and make quite a bit more money.

[Felix77]

A-Jay that post (that isn't yours    ) is perfect!

 

Some additional words of advice ... 

 

65+ hours per week in a job you are unhappy with does not give you much time to explore other opportunities to make your life more fulfilling.

 

Assuming you need to keep paying the bills try and find a job (same industry for now) which is much less demanding.  That will give you more freedom to explore other avenues (other jobs, volunteer work, quality time with family & friends etc.)

[Sfritr]

I don't have any advice for you but I feel for you. I have done refrigeration work in restaurants for the last 15 years and wouldn't wish restaurant employment on anyone. Good luck with whatever you choose

 

Yeah, most of us are crazy already anyway.   I always *** my HVAC guys.  they get to leave at the end of the day.....

[strikequeentiff]

I truly respect the opinions and feedback given on this site. Recently, I have been going through a mid life crisis of sorts. Like many, I no longer enjoy my job. I have been in the restaraunt/bar business for almost 20 years. Its just not fun anymore and to work 65-75+ hours a week and not enjoy what your doing weighs heavily. My wife and I have, within the last year, welcomed God into our lives. I don't consider myself a bible thumper by any means but I do acknowledge he plays a role in our lives. And, I have felt his presence in my daily life recently.

I feel the need to change my line of work. First and foremost, because I'm unhappy but I also feel the need to help others in some fashion. The problem: I don't have the foggiest idea?? I would love to work with our returning heros in some fashion or with children. Really, I just feel like I could be making a difference somewhere and cannot in my current line of work. I make a modest salary so money isn't the goal. I'd be happy to move somewhat laterally and have more time for family.

I just feel a bit stuck and want some honest feedback. Thanks everyone

[strikequeentiff]

Balance is important in life. If I were in your shoes I'd start by cutting back to closer to 40 hours a week at work. 40 hours is a lot (a week) already considering our short lives.

What is it that you do now that you enjoy? I'd say do more of that in replace of working those extra hours. See how you feel after that change.

I work in the restaurant business as well. It's definitely not the easiest type of work but I really find that a bar is actually quite a great place to help people. I know you said children and such but do consider the person sitting on the bar stool. I make some serious money by just talking to people and in return they come back, eat, bring more business to my boss' company.

Volunteering at church may be great for you - at least a place to start! You may even get paid working for your services!

Best of luck!

[Broke bass fisherman]

I think everyone has given great advice. The only thing I would add is confidence. The same confidence you have in that one bait that always works is the confidence you need in yourself to do any sort of change. Be confident that you are a good person with the skills you need and the desire to help those around you and you can achieve your goals. There are a lot of career placement services that operate for free that you can contact to help open doors but your confidence in yourself and your abilities will greatly help. Everyone feels stuck from time to time you just need the confidence and patience to know that you CAN make a change that will help yourself.

[scrutch]

Pray. Volunteer at your favorite kids charity.  It might take some time to let it come clear, but God will let you know where He wants you to go.