Am I Right Or Wrong?

[tyrius.]

If I had to guess, I'd say you both were wrong. If her dad could've fixed it then I would've let him. You would've saved them money and bought yourself some goodwill. You also should've volunteered to help and you could have learned something. Double win.

Everything else that has went wrong probable stems from this decision. They're thinking that you don't trust them and then you come back with a high estimate and probably get upset when they want a second one. Further compounding the problem.

Then you get the typical girlfriend reaction of blowing things out of proporation and you're in the position that you're in.

Verdict - everyone is wrong and I'd take RW's advice and try and talk through it.

[tyrius.]

No clue. Sorry, but I just don't get paying $1100 out of pocket, when insurance would cover this, though probably resulting in a small, temporary raise in her brother's rates. It just doesn't add up.

Even with a $500 deductible, choosing whether or not to go through insurance on a $1,000 claim is something that you should question. You're insurance costs will rise for like five years. Then if you have anything else happen during that 5 years your rates will rise significantly more. If they raise your rates by $100 a year then you're going to pay the $1,000 anyways so why risk having another claim during those 5 years? Just pay for it out of pocket.

[tyrius.]

I would have called MY insurance co. They would have done one of two things. They would pay for the repairs and contacted your girlfriend's brother's insurance for reimbursement, or they would have paid for your repairs and if your gf's bro didn't have insurance, they would have sued him. The only problem with going through insurance is that they usually require a police report.

You wouldn't count suing your girlfriend's family as a problem? Sounds like a good way to get rid of the girlfriend to me.

[fishking247]

don't know how i feel right now. i want to talk it through but part of me says not to. i just feel as if this will be held against me the rest of our relationship (if we continue to see each other). so far i have not even heard from her since last night

[J Francho]

Surprisingly this is true, however the 2nd estimate was $200 less than the original reducing the damage to less than $1000. If a report is submitted it must be signed by the driver of vehicle #1, since there was only 1 driver, that would be the brother, probably getting you into more hot water.

Doesn't matter, one shop already burst the ceiling. besides, it's best to have an accurate police report for any collision. As far as being in hot water, I think this mentality is just playing games. Why would an innocent bystander get in "hot water" with any reasonable person? The girlfriend's brother was the person that made the mistake, and should suffer the consequences - he's the one in hot water. This should have been sent straight to the insurance companies. Hopefully he works it all out for the OP, his girlfriend, and her brother. Seems like much ado about a simple report and insurance claim. My neighbor backed out of her driveway, and into my truck. Didn't look like much, turned out to be almost $4K in repairs. Insurance covered all of it, and I don't think her rates went up. Painless. No politics, and we're still friendly.

[J Francho]

Why is there any discussion of a deductible? There is no deductible in play, he didn't hit his own car. The brother's insurance would pay out in full.

[slonezp]

J Francho, Is the body shop that did the original estimate obligated to report it to the police if those involved in the accident don't?

[fishking247]

J Francho, Is the body shop that did the original estimate obligated to report it to the police if those involved in the accident don't?

how could they? they have no information on the car who hit me

[J Francho]

J Francho, Is the body shop that did the original estimate obligated to report it to the police if those involved in the accident don't?

I have no idea. I can guarantee you that if a shop is doing an estimate for and insurance company, they are not going to bid low. They will be pricing for brand new OEM parts. When it comes time to do the repair, it's your choice whether to use reclaimed parts, or new OEM parts.

Here's the link to the laws: http://www.troopers.ny.gov/FAQs/Traffic_Safety/Collisions/

I stand corrected, it's $1001.

[mrmacwvu1]

As a man that is going through the divorce process let me tell you to be thankfull that you are finding this out now. When I had to go through pre mariage talks with the priest to get married in the Catholic Church he told both my wife and I that our downfall would be our families. Well 9 years later he was right. She could not stand that My father brother and I were close and spent alot of time together. She was jealous of my family occupying my time. I knew that there was a history of mental abuse and mental health problems in her family and chose to look the other way. Well as time went on she became abusive, and started drinking heavily and other self medicating. Now she is in therapy and we are divorcing. Long story short is that you not only marry the person you are with you marry the family and their past, present and future. I can say this that if she is taking her family's side when you have disagreements after being with you for three years then she is never going too change.

[Stasher1]

Something else to consider...if the car is (as the OP says) only a year old, and is being financed, the OP doesn't actually own the car, the bank does. As such, they typically need to "sign off" on bodywork to ensure that the damage is repaired properly. The last time I dealt with this, the bank demanded that the insurance company make the check out to them AND the bodyshop. I had to drive the car from the bodyshop to the bank for inspection. If the repairs didn't meet their expectations, they wouldn't sign the check.

Also, regardless who offered to cover the cost of repairs, an accident report should've been filed. If the parents of the OP's girlfriend decide not to pay, he now has no proof that the brother damaged his car and would have a very difficult, if not impossible, time getting a judgement against the brother in small claims court. It'll be the OP's word against the brother's.

[TrippyJai]

I can probably understand why your girlfriend is mad and needs "time to get over this". Her brother hits your car accidently and agrees to pay for the damages and you quote him $1100 for the repairs. She obviously feel it's a high estimate for minor damages so she asks you for a second quote, also telling you her brother doesn't have a job as well and you say "it's not your problem". At this point, even if you got a second quote, the damage has already been done.

You are not wrong in this situation for wanting your car to be repaired/get your money, but as others have already said, "It's just a car!". I think it's one of those situations where you just need to take the loss for the relationship sake. Let them fix your car as they agreed to it and be done with.

[tyrius.]

Why is there any discussion of a deductible? There is no deductible in play, he didn't hit his own car. The brother's insurance would pay out in full.

Because the girlfriend's brother would have to pay a deductible. He's the one that has to worry about the deductible and raising rates. If he weighed the costs and decided paying cash was better then it's easier not to go through insurance.

Some random high school kids rear ended me and cracked the bumper (on my 2 month old car). I worked with his parents and got my car fixed and the dad paid the insurance company directly. We never called got the insurance companies involved at all.

[tyrius.]

Something else to consider...if the car is (as the OP says) only a year old, and is being financed, the OP doesn't actually own the car, the bank does. As such, they typically need to "sign off" on bodywork to ensure that the damage is repaired properly.

In what state is this true? Certainly not in Illinois. I've been hit twice in cars that I "didn't own" and never had to go through the financing company.

[tyrius.]

My neighbor backed out of her driveway, and into my truck. Didn't look like much, turned out to be almost $4K in repairs. Insurance covered all of it, and I don't think her rates went up. Painless. No politics, and we're still friendly.

She must have some stellar insurance not to have to pay a deductible and not to have an accident affect her rates.

[Stasher1]

In what state is this true? Certainly not in Illinois. I've been hit twice in cars that I "didn't own" and never had to go through the financing company.

It doesn't have anything to do with the state, it's something the bank can insist on since it's their car until you make the final payment. Why do you think they require full-coverage insurance on a financed car? I'll give you a hint - it's not to protect you or your investment in the vehicle.

[SirSnookalot]

There are few issues, one being the New York State law which seems to be different than where I have lived in both Michigan and Florida. Never have I known my bank or leasing company to be notified of an accident repair, especially minor one such as this. That doesn't mean that some financial institutions or states other than where I have lived don't require it.

The main issues are not the car, I do feel that you are more than entitled to have the repair made at the facility of your choice if there is no insurance co. involved. This incident may given you some insight into both your girlfriend and her family. Upfront her family was more than agreeable to settle the situation, until they saw how much it would cost and looked for a cheaper way out. Not knowing their financial situation I can understand those sentiments, but IMO there are some things ya just gotta do whether you want to or not. It's the brother's responsibilty to right the wrong, he did it plain and simple. Whether it's cash out of pocket or an insurance claim it's up to them to do the right thing, you are the victim. Quite possibly a barrier of resentment between the family and you has been created, it may be there for the rest of your life.

Doesn't appear as though your girlfriend thought you were the victim, but more the culprit in starting a family feud, the animosity could last for a very long time. This entire situation may be a blessing in disguise, only you can answer that as no 2 situations are exactly the same.

[Tuckahoe Joe]

Im thinking that im on your side, fishking. If it were me, I wouldn't be too upset about minor damage and probably let her dad fix it. But the thing is, Ive only ever owned used junkers that were already kinda beat up and realatively cheap. If I had a nice newer car, I'd want the work done by a professional. They said they'd take care of it and you even went out of your way to get a second estimate. I can see how they might be upset with you for not just letting her dad do it but the thing is, your the one with the messed up car. If anyone has a right to be upset, its you. If nothing else, you've gained some insight about your girlfriend and her family. Like SirSnookalot said, could be a blessing in disguise.

[shootermcbob]

There always is . . . . more to the story that is.

And your right, there are millions of women out there, but are they all the same ?

For example - is there anyone just like slonezp - I say there is not.

My point revolved around the old battle between $$ and material possessions vs a human spirit / soul mate.

No Contest from where I'm sitting.

And this goes both ways.

The voice in my head says - RUN - and don't look back. Get your ride repaired and then work on surrounding yourself with people that share your philosophy - they actually do exist.

You just have to look for them.

A-Jay

My exact thoughts as I was reading this saga.

[fishking247]

I was able to sit down with my girlfriend and have a long discussion about the car situation as well as other things that were bothering me. the situation really brought out the true colors and made me realize many things i sid not realize before. it just did not work out and we ended on OK terms. The situation sucks but i will get over it and will push through this rough time. it was tough breaking it off but igot my check and the car will be fixed this week. Thanks for all the replies guys

[Stasher1]

I was able to sit down with my girlfriend and have a long discussion about the car situation as well as other things that were bothering me. the situation really brought out the true colors and made me realize many things i sid not realize before. it just did not work out and we ended on OK terms. The situation sucks but i will get over it and will push through this rough time. it was tough breaking it off but igot my check and the car will be fixed this week. Thanks for all the replies guys

It sucks that it had to end, but it's definitely better to figure this stuff out now than 10 years and two kids later.

[NorcalBassin]

It sucks that it had to end, but it's definitely better to figure this stuff out now than 10 years and two kids later.

Without a doubt! This is going to be a growing experience for both of you guys.

[Jake P]

I was able to sit down with my girlfriend and have a long discussion about the car situation as well as other things that were bothering me. the situation really brought out the true colors and made me realize many things i sid not realize before. it just did not work out and we ended on OK terms. The situation sucks but i will get over it and will push through this rough time. it was tough breaking it off but igot my check and the car will be fixed this week. Thanks for all the replies guys

I think you made a wise decision.

"Its just a car" is ridiculous. If something a small as a minor accident got things riled up that much then I can PROMISE you it would have gotten worse later on. Keep your head up and never second guess your decision. I am learning recently that your gut is always right. Your heart will try and confuse your gut, but in the end your gut is always always always right.

[Bluebasser86]

I think you made a wise decision.

"Its just a car" is ridiculous. If something a small as a minor accident got things riled up that much then I can PROMISE you it would have gotten worse later on. Keep your head up and never second guess your decision. I am learning recently that your gut is always right. Your heart will try and confuse your gut, but in the end your gut is always always always right.

Exactly, if this little bump in the road caused this much drama imagine what would have happened when a real issue came around. Sorry it didn't work out for you man. I can really feel your pain. I dated my last girlfriend before my wife and I met for 4.5 years and her family had a ton of influence on her, to the point that her mom actually talked her into breaking up with me because she didn't think I treated her good enough. At the moment I was devastated, now that I'm out of the situation and had time to step back and take it all in I'm very thankful I got out while I could.

[fishking247]

adding more reasoning to my situation. this situation made me realize my ex girlfriend now has become very lazy. she used to be in school. she got her associates degree in liberal arts and decided to go for nursing. she quit that because it was too hard for her. she then quit her job last February because she was "unhappy" with management and has been unemployed ever since. she then decided she wanted to go to a trade school for surgical tech but did not get into the program and since then she has not looked for a job nor has done anything productive. while talking with her i told her i was in this relationship for the long term. she was not happy when i told her how i felt about her job and schooling situation. later that night after i ended things i began second guessing myself. i called her and spoke with her how i felt. she was mad and did not really let me speak. a few minutes later she texted me and said she was sorry for acting the way she did on the phone and stated we should not talk. i said ok but she continued going on. what really sealed the deal was when she said we have different ideas of our future. i asked how and she said she wants to be a stay at home and not work (honestly what was th epoint of going to school for a future career and do nothing with it later on in life?) clearly we have different opinions. all my questions about her were answered in the statement she made.

in conclusion, IMO she was looking for a free ride. i guess thats the way she was brought up because her mother never worked a day in her life. she was very lazy and has and always be looking for things to be handed to her in life and does not value a dollar.

i sure am glad this happened now and not 10 years from now like most have said. i'm not a very religious person but sometimes i think God works in mysterious ways and i believe this whole situation was meant to happen and really give me a wake up call.