Am I Right Or Wrong?

[fishking247]

so a few days ago (monday night) my girlfriends brother backed out of the driveway and hit the front of my car with minor damage, but enough to get attention. after it happened i was pretty upset being that this car is only a year old and i have worked hard for a new car. her brother and mom assurred the the car would be fixed at their expense either by my girlfriends dad or by a reputable auto body shop with no problems at all. i stated i would like it done at a shop and would go get an estimate on wednesday and drop it off for them. well on wednesday i went to get the estimate and the work came to approx $1100. i told my girlfriend the price and she began demanding a second estimate because her father thought the labor rates were a little high because he had experience working in a shop. i began telling her i wanted my work done here because my family has been going to this particular shop for years i told her that you will not find the work done for much cheaper and if her brother/family could not afford the cost of the repair they should maybe go through insurance. she also insited that her brother doesnt have a job right now and i said that i snot my problem and he screwed up and must pay for his mistake. my girlfriend got very upset saying how i am not treating the situation fair and i am treating the situation like i am dealing with some "schmuck" off the street. out of fairness to her and her family i went and got another estimate at another shop i once had work done by, which was good work. the second estimate was $200 less. later that day we were not talking so i stopped by her house and dropped off both estimates in an envelope and left them in the door. later that day my girlfriend texted and said they agreed to get the work done at the second shop which was $200 less and i had no problem going there. i told her i would need the money by this coming weekend to put a deposit down while the shop orders the parts and the work will be done in two weeks when they have an opening and she said no problem. later that night we were not talking and i was ticked because i feltn i did nothing wrong. yesterday (thursday) i agreed to hang out with her at her house and have dinner with her family. when i arrived everything seemed ok. she was acting "normal" when her parents arrived home from work they were acting very quiet and strange as if they were upset/mad at me. we ate dinner with awkward conversation and afterwards we sat down and watched tv. at approx 9pm me and my girlfriend left to go get half off appetizers at applebees during the football game. on the way there she was acting very quiet and strange so i asked why she was acting like this. she said that she is bothered by the situation and that i did not treat her and her family fair and she needs "time to get over this" i kep't telling her i did nothing wrong that she was blowing this out of proportion and earlier this week when the accident occurred her family said the situation would be taken care of no problem. i told her i felt uncomfortable in how her family was acting towards me and and she finally admitted to me they were upset at me. i turned the car around and dropped her home leaving it off with a goodnight.

please take note that we have been together for almost 3 years. it is not like i just walked into her families life the past few months

am i wrong for what i did?

i feel as if they blew this way out of proportion and things will never be the same again. i am furious with her right now and just want my money for the car fix and be done with this.

[Jim_M]

Wrong. Pretty much...

Reading your side of the story is not enough. Your property was

damaged. The party at fault wants to repair it, according to you.

I suggest you let them. Your approach has a punitive and petty

feel to it IMHO. You are telling them that you anticipate being

ripped off too. Not good.

[fishking247]

How am I anticipating being ripped off? I want them to repair it if anything they felt that way by insisting on another estimate. They do want to repair it but they're making a big deal out of it. Also the money should be in my hand. If I hit their car I would have had the money the next day after I saw the estimate. It was his fault I should be able to take the car where I want with no questions.

I know for a fact her father wanted to repair it himself to save money but I want it done right at a shop with all the right equipment. They are mainly upset I think because they think because I know them I should bend over backwards and let him fix it in a half ass way. He repaired my girlfriends car and the paint did not even match

[Jim_M]

You just asked...and answered.

Ask yourself what is more valuable.

My girl or my sheet metal?

No wrong answer...

[slonezp]

I'm on your side. but blood is thicker than water. She's siding with the family. She believes you don't trust them. Take all this into consideration before putting a ring on her finger.

[Stasher1]

I'm on your side. but blood is thicker than water. She's siding with the family. She believes you don't trust them. Take all this into consideration before putting a ring on her finger.

Bingo.

[SirSnookalot]

Based on your side of the of the story I think you are right. Your hard earned money bought that car and you should't be faulted for wanting anything other than professional job done. Using the second estimate is an ample concession. Regardless of the outcome, it's goodbye girlfriend...............get the $$$.

[fishking247]

Thanks for the replies guys. Makes me feel better. I understand she's more important then my car but I'm not giving in to make her happy. Situations like this really bring out the true colors of peopke

[J Francho]

In NY, you must report any damage greater than $1000 to the police, and that in turn is automatically reported to insurance. Go through insurance, and avail yourself of the family struggles.

[fishking247]

In NY, you must report any damage greater than $1000 to the police, and that in turn is automatically reported to insurance. Go through insurance, and avail yourself of the family struggles.

It just seems so past that now. I'm getting my money and being done with it. I thought I knew her better but this really crossed the line. I have made arrangements for my money this weekend

[deaknh03]

Thanks for the replies guys. Makes me feel better. I understand she's more important then my car but I'm not giving in to make her happy. Situations like this really bring out the true colors of peopke

As you grow older, you begin to realize certain things. There are times, many of them, where you do have to give in to make her happy, choose your battles, and always remember that you will doubtlessly go thru many cars and material possessions, but hopefully have lasting personal relationships, that are always worth more than a car. There is no right or wrong in your or her actions, but you must decide what is more important to you.

[J Francho]

It just seems so past that now. I'm getting my money and being done with it. I thought I knew her better but this really crossed the line. I have made arrangements for my money this weekend

Uhh. It's the law. I think you have ten days to file the report.

[fishking247]

Uhh. It's the law. I think you have ten days to file the report.

never heard of it. how could they find out if it a personal issue. what could happen?

[SirSnookalot]

In NY, you must report any damage greater than $1000 to the police, and that in turn is automatically reported to insurance. Go through insurance, and avail yourself of the family struggles.

Surprisingly this is true, however the 2nd estimate was $200 less than the original reducing the damage to less than $1000. If a report is submitted it must be signed by the driver of vehicle #1, since there was only 1 driver, that would be the brother, failure to do so is a misdemeanor, probably getting you into more hot water.

This is the report.

http://cmvny.com/wp-...cident-Form.pdf

[J Francho]

No clue. Sorry, but I just don't get paying $1100 out of pocket, when insurance would cover this, though probably resulting in a small, temporary raise in her brother's rates. It just doesn't add up.

[00 mod]

No clue. Sorry, but I just don't get paying $1100 out of pocket, when insurance would cover this, though probably resulting in a small, temporary raise in her brother's rates. It just doesn't add up.

Only thing I can think of is having a $1000 deductible to keep the monthly rates lower!

Jeff

[A-Jay]

So in the biggest picture - I urge you to think of it this way (hypothetically) -

If you woke up tomorrow morning and both your "car" and your "Woman" were gone from the face of the earth, never to return; which loss would be greater to you ?

It's a car, man. There are millions of them and I bet you know where you can get another one just like it.

When you actually find the right person to be with, this situation would never happen.

A-Jay

[slonezp]

A-Jay, If you haven't looked there are millions of women out there also. Methinks there's more going on affecting the relationship. She's not talking to him because of this minor infraction? Secondly, it seems the girls family has an awful lot of influence on her. There's more to this..

When you actually find the right person to be with, this situation would never happen.

Agreed

[fishking247]

I don't get it either. I believe he has a long history of accidents which would raise insurance even more. The 2nd estimate was nine hundred and something so it's under $1000

[Fishing Rhino]

I don't know about your state, but in Mass, unless the accident happened on a public roadway, or there is an injury, you do not need to report it to the police, just the insurance companies. Had the experience this past summer when a young man backed his truck out of a parking spot into my wife's car. We called the police because it was apparent the damage was over a thousand dollars. When they arrived they did not need to make out a report because it did not happen on a public road. Nearly three thousand dollars worth of damage.

[fishking247]

A-Jay, If you haven't looked there are millions of women out there also. Methinks there's more going on affecting the relationship. She's not talking to him because of this minor infraction? Secondly, it seems the girls family has an awful lot of influence on her. There's more to this..

Agreed

Exactly. It's way past the accident it's the way she's acting. If mommy an daddy say something that I don't agree with she immediately thinks they are always right

[A-Jay]

A-Jay, If you haven't looked there are millions of women out there also. Methinks there's more going on affecting the relationship. She's not talking to him because of this minor infraction? Secondly, it seems the girls family has an awful lot of influence on her. There's more to this..

There always is . . . . more to the story that is.

And your right, there are millions of women out there, but are they all the same ?

For example - is there anyone just like slonezp - I say there is not.

My point revolved around the old battle between $$ and material possessions vs a human spirit / soul mate.

No Contest from where I'm sitting.

And this goes both ways.

The voice in my head says - RUN - and don't look back. Get your ride repaired and then work on surrounding yourself with people that share your philosophy - they actually do exist.

You just have to look for them.

A-Jay

[quanjig]

I think all of this has been blown way out of proportion by both sides. It's a car! Has it been damaged to the point where you can't drive it?? Have you been inconvenienced by minor body damage?? I would give your girlfriends family reasonable time to get funds together and get the car repaired. Stress in a relationship at your age is magnified by quick decisions that have not been well thought out. Your position of wanting the work to be performed by a professional is a good one, her parents sound like they want to get the work done correctly, just not want to spend more than they have to, which we all want to do in this economy. If you truly love this girl and plan on being together for the long term, you need to talk with her parents and just let them know you just want the repairs done by someone that can offer a warranty and in a timely fashion. Not that the father is not competent in auto repair, but it is your car and you should have that choice!

[roadwarrior]

Geez...I was trying to stay out of this, but there is a ringing in my head, "Nobody was hurt,

the damage is minor and most importantly, IT'S JUST A CAR!"

I suggest wiping the slate clean and starting over. Have a man-to-man conversation with

the father and get this resolved. Both of you are making a mountain out of a mole hill. Ask

him to goi fishing with you, without the girl. I suspect that would solve everything!

One more thought just to put this in perspective:

I was married in 1977 and still with the same wonderful woman for 35 years. During that

period I have owned 28 vehicles, 5 prior to marriage and 4 currently if you include my

son and daughter's which I bought for them. One wife vs. 33 cars and trucks. Which

do you think is most important?

[Bankbeater]

I would have called MY insurance co. They would have done one of two things. They would pay for the repairs and contacted your girlfriend's brother's insurance for reimbursement, or they would have paid for your repairs and if your gf's bro didn't have insurance, they would have sued him. The only problem with going through insurance is that they usually require a police report.