Gut Feelings

[clayton86]

Do you always follow your gut or instinct or do you ignore it some times. Iv had a hut feeling for some time now and been just putting it off even though I'm sure it's right on now but don't want it to be.

[Raider Nation Fisher]

That depends on what it is in relation too. If its something that could cause bodily harm or something of that nature, then yes. If not then it depends on what kinda mood im in. It seems

that as I have gotten older the ones I listen too are usually spot on.

[Bassn Blvd]

X2^^^^^

[clayton86]

Mine are usually spot on I can't remember one that hasn't been but I want this one to be off.

[Bassn Blvd]

I hope this doesn't involve the wife.

[clayton86]

I hope this doesn't involve the wife.

Sure does

[Long Mike]

Gut feelings become more accurate with experience. On the female side, it's called women's intuition. On the male side, it's called a gut feeling. In general, men are less observant than women, so tend to overlook the nuances of developing situations. Been there, done that.

I've got a gut feeling that you feel your marriage is in jeopardy. You need to address the situation before you ship out again, otherwise that gut feeling will gnaw your guts out until you return.

[Bassn Blvd]

Long Mike nailed this one on the head and that is PLEASE address the situation before you head out. You need a clear head over there. You may not resolve the situation 100% before you leave, but atleast you can deal with it better than having not touched on it.

And for what it's worth. I don't want to assume or jump to conlusions, but if it's as bad as I may think, then my experience has been to go with your gut on this one. Only YOU can make the decision, not your friends or family. Do your homework, doublecheck your findings and make an educated decision.

[tomustang]

Sure does

d**n dude.

[clayton86]

It's been addressed probably 100 times over the last 2 months everyday. She says they are just "friends" but for being "friends" she acts awfully weird about it. I'v meet the guy he came over with my sister to watch movies the other night it took every ounce i had not to drill him in the face after shaking his hand. But for the last 2 months like while I was gone my wife stopped talking to me and when we did talk she would pick a easy fight and quickly revert to divorce is the only way to solve it which makes me think she has another guy then I came home and found out there is another guy shes been hanging out with.

Shes usually with my sister when she hangs out with this guy but I don't trust my sister. Shes open about having him as a friend and he made the effort to come meet me and assure me nothings going on but it still seems fishy all she does is talk about this Brandon guy and goes over to his house almost every night or to pick him up from the bar and either doesn't come home or gets home at 4 in the morning. I told her the other day she couldn't go over to his house she just laughed at me and when we got home she got all dolled up and left till 3am and she left at 8pm. She wont let me see her phone either when I ask to see what they are texting about all day. it just seems very odd.

I'm most worked up about because shes going to a wedding with this guy Saturday and she looks AMAZING in the dress shes wearing to it a tiny low cut black dress with some like 8" red stilleto's. I think its a little much but they swear there just going as friends its his sisters wedding. I just have a weird feeling about the whole thing maybe its just a stage shes in she is young and she does always go with my sister who just turned 21 and is all about partying and drinking and we did get married really young I was 21 she was 18 about to turn 19 never got to really party even though she was a hard partier in high school as was I but I'm over it i grew up settled down and started my family. every time we talk about it and if shes cheating she freaks saying she never would ans i cant say anything sense I was the one who did leave her 3 years ago for 2 months and was sleeping with some one else. IDK hopefully im just over reacting but there's a lot of red flags that say I'm probably right.

[Rangerphil]

Well everyone is different, but I know if I was to ask my wife to see her phone (which I never would) she would never hesitate for one minute. Also my wife would never "hang out" with another guy just out of respect for me. To talk to someone at a social gathering or say hello once in awhile on the phone is normal, to hang around with and text all day long with someone else is not! I hope everything works out for you.

[Gatorbassman]

While I was deployed, and now that I'm out of town a lot, my wife and I always live by one simple rule. "Don't do anything that we have to explain to the other." You are in a tough situation that, unfortunately is very common in your line of work. One of my best friend while I was in was divorced three times before he turned 27 due to frequent deployments. I still can't believe he trusted me helping out his fourth wife while he was gone. You could hire a PI or ask a few friends to be nosy. Beer and gas money goes a long way when you need a favor done.

[clayton86]

yeah there has been several divorces or soon to be ones already with guys just in my platoon alone. Her parents are constantly hounding her there more worked up then I m they told her if she messes this up

they would dis own her and would rather have me as a son then her as a daughter. Hopefully there just

friends she has always had guy friends that were just friends so hopefully this is the case but she still acts funny which is worrying me. Its probably a good thing iv been off the lifting supplements and testosterone booster for almost 2 months now cuz I would of probably killed the guy if i was still on all that stuff lol.

[deaknh03]

Try to think positive thoughts, keep telling yourself not to overrreact, especially around the kids, and yes, trust your gut, absolutely. if it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck, it's a duck. Do yourself a huge favor, get this resolved before you go back, or your in for an ulcer and many sleepless nights.

[hooah212002]

It's been addressed probably 100 times over the last 2 months everyday. She says they are just "friends" but for being "friends" she acts awfully weird about it. I'v meet the guy he came over with my sister to watch movies the other night it took every ounce i had not to drill him in the face after shaking his hand. But for the last 2 months like while I was gone my wife stopped talking to me and when we did talk she would pick a easy fight and quickly revert to divorce is the only way to solve it which makes me think she has another guy then I came home and found out there is another guy shes been hanging out with.

Shes usually with my sister when she hangs out with this guy but I don't trust my sister. Shes open about having him as a friend and he made the effort to come meet me and assure me nothings going on but it still seems fishy all she does is talk about this Brandon guy and goes over to his house almost every night or to pick him up from the bar and either doesn't come home or gets home at 4 in the morning. I told her the other day she couldn't go over to his house she just laughed at me and when we got home she got all dolled up and left till 3am and she left at 8pm. She wont let me see her phone either when I ask to see what they are texting about all day. it just seems very odd.

I'm most worked up about because shes going to a wedding with this guy Saturday and she looks AMAZING in the dress shes wearing to it a tiny low cut black dress with some like 8" red stilleto's. I think its a little much but they swear there just going as friends its his sisters wedding. I just have a weird feeling about the whole thing maybe its just a stage shes in she is young and she does always go with my sister who just turned 21 and is all about partying and drinking and we did get married really young I was 21 she was 18 about to turn 19 never got to really party even though she was a hard partier in high school as was I but I'm over it i grew up settled down and started my family. every time we talk about it and if shes cheating she freaks saying she never would ans i cant say anything sense I was the one who did leave her 3 years ago for 2 months and was sleeping with some one else. IDK hopefully im just over reacting but there's a lot of red flags that say I'm probably right.

It stops being a gut feeling when the evidence is insurmountable.......

Sorry mate, but your gut is right. And if not, you need to tell her how you feel and if she can't respect that, she doesn't deserve to be your wife because she doesn't love you like one. From one soldier to another: wives don't make guy "friends" that are just friends while you are gone. It just doesn't happen. Sorry to be so blunt bro, but that's just the way she goes.

{abe}

It should go without saying that I'm just some random dude on the interwebz and my advice should NOT be taken as matter of fact. I don't know you or your wife personally and am solely taking you at your word without hearing the whole story. Bro code and all that.

[Stasher1]

It stops being a gut feeling when the evidence is insurmountable.......

Sorry mate, but your gut is right. And if not, you need to tell her how you feel and if she can't respect that, she doesn't deserve to be your wife because she doesn't love you like one. From one soldier to another: wives don't make guy "friends" that are just friends while you are gone. It just doesn't happen. Sorry to be so blunt bro, but that's just the way she goes.

{abe}

It should go without saying that I'm just some random dude on the interwebz and my advice should NOT be taken as matter of fact. I don't know you or your wife personally and am solely taking you at your word without hearing the whole story. Bro code and all that.

As a general rule, single guys don't invest that much time with someone else's wife unless there's some kind of "reward". If there's nothing going on between them right now, it's just because the right opportunity hasn't presented itself.

[clayton86]

As a general rule, single guys don't invest that much time with someone else's wife unless there's some kind of "reward". If there's nothing going on between them right now, it's just because the right opportunity hasn't presented itself.

thats what I said. Him and my sister have a drunkin flings and i guess he had a gf not to long ago but then they said the dudes bi idk hes over right now you can tell hes nervous. around me cuz i snuck in after fishing with my oldest son as the old saying goes guns dont kill people husbands who come home early do. and they wernt even on the same couch when i snuck around to come in the back.

[Bassn Blvd]

My ex did the same thing with Ryan Klesko, Yes, the Ryan that played for the Atlanta Braves. She swore nothing was going until I caught'em swapping spit.

Pack your **** and get. Go see an attorney and don't look back. Even if she isn't havig an affair, her attitude is enough for me to kick her to the curb.

IMO, the writing is on the wall.

Good luck, bro.

[Fat-G]

My ex did the same thing with Ryan Klesko, Yes, the Ryan that played for the Atlanta Braves. She swore nothing was going until I caught'em swapping spit.

Pack your **** and get. Go see an attorney and don't look back. Even if she havig an affair, her attitude is enough for me to kick her to the curb.

IMO, the writing is on the wall.

Good luck, bro.

Obviously at 18 I have no experience with these situations or any room to be giving advice, but I agree.

Get out!

[Bassn Blvd]

thats what I said. Him and my sister have a drunkin flings and i guess he had a gf not to long ago but then they said the dudes bi idk hes over right now you can tell hes nervous. around me cuz i snuck in after fishing with my oldest son as the old saying goes guns dont kill people husbands who come home early do. and they wernt even on the same couch when i snuck around to come in the back.

Bro, I'm not familiar with your living arrangements but did she tell you he was coming over? If she didn't, then I'm telling him to get out and I don't care if she gets embarrassed or mad. That is pure disrespect.

Do you really want this guy coming over when you're not home and your kids thinking it's ok. Geez, I wouldn't even go to my best friends house to hang out with his wife if he wasn't home. Guys just don't do that to eachother.

And why is your sister allowing her to hang with this guy? It's sooo easy for us to sit here and pass judgement without knowing all the details, but we can't help it.

Let me tell you this in "cop" talk. Probable cause is a set of circumstances or events that would lead a REASONABLE person to believe a crime is being, has been or is about to be committed. Probable cause is all that's needed to make an arrest.

In the court room, the State has to PROVE beyond a reasonable doubt that the crime was committed.

Now, why am I telling you this? Because based on what you've told us so far, I would say you have probable cause (or dang close to it) to believe something is going on and it aint bible study. When I was in your shoes, all I needed was probable cause (not proof) to leave.

[roadwarrior]

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[grimlin]

Be careful what you say online man......

I feel your pain..My wife up and left me last month. I ended up going back to Texas with my parents. The pain was too great to deal for me by myself up there. I really didn't have a family support system there(basically didn't really know how to deal with it)....I love a lot of her family members there and still do. But I lost the only reason I went up there and that was her.

Just remember though...Blood runs thicker than water. My sister in law told me that and she's been through 3 divorces(bad ones). She's been helping me understand.

.

[royal0014]

Not much to add here except to agree about solving this before you deploy. Find someone other than us at BR to talk with, someone you can get facetime with. Your Unit Chaplain for example.....

...and trust your gut until proven otherwise....

[Raider Nation Fisher]

thats what I said. Him and my sister have a drunkin flings and i guess he had a gf not to long ago but then they said the dudes bi idk hes over right now you can tell hes nervous. around me cuz i snuck in after fishing with my oldest son as the old saying goes guns dont kill people husbands who come home early do. and they wernt even on the same couch when i snuck around to come in the back.

They also say the quickest way to change a man's mind is a 160 grain boat tail.

I had to sneak a little dark humor in, figured it might perk you up some.

Seriously though. Keep your head up and try an be rational in handling this. Ain't gonna do your kids no good to have their daddy in jail. Also if your that interested in phone records and what not. If you are the primary account holder, I believe your cell company can release the messages to you. If nothing else it can't hurt to threaten it.

[clayton86]

He had lunch with us today and was playing with my oldest son whose a big tadle tale iv been interrogating him lol. Any ways he had lunch with us and I put some feelers out we talked cars and guns and fishing and i asked him straight up if hes got a hidden agenda and he denied and so did my wife then she went on to swear on our children's lives she would never cheat on me. Then right in front of him she started to tear him apart about his looks and how he acts and such so it made me feel better. I still have my guard up and I realize my wife does need friends and she doesn't get along with women at all so shes always had close guy friends so must be the case again. They even got the guys mother involved and pointed out it would be pretty evil to be driving around her truck to his house and cheat on when her truck is plastered with all the army wife stickers and license plates not to mention she just got a tattoo matching mine and wants to get another one of fishing hooks shaped in a heart for me to show blah blah blah i love fishing she loves me so shes getting hooks in a heart shape idk. So maybe for once my gut was wrong which it has never lead me astray but there's a first for everything time will tell either it was right and she is truly a evil caniving you know what or I was wrong. Still she was disrespectful but shes been making up for it today and more tonight once the kids fall asleep.