Going To Be Gone For Awhile

[grimlin]

I'm having some extreme personal problems. Wife left me and I've been an emotional wreak for the past month almost now. No reasons other than she just wanted to be "free". I never saw it coming. I've been prayer non stop since this has happened and just leaving this all to God.(sorry to get a bit religious here)

I may not be back for a long while online. I just want to say thanks to Glenn for this board. I don't see myself staying up here in MI. for long. I'm here in the house by myself with no family support system.Walking into a dark house every night not being able to kiss my son or hug my wife has been like a sword into my heart. It's been one emotional roller coaster for me. I know it's not a great idea to air out personal business online,but this place has become somewhat a second place in my home. Just coming to read the silliness here has cheered me up in some ways. Maybe one day I can make the roadtrip someday to meet some of you guys.

On top of all of that my computer has been overheating and not working right. I just don't see myself fixing it anytime soon.

I want to say thank you to all the friends I made here.

God Bless

Matt

[preach4bass]

God bless you, Grimlin. Will be praying for you and your family.

[Long Mike]

Grimlin, doo doo occurs. Many years ago I went through the exact same thing as you. I was devastated at first, but in the long run it turned out to be a blessing in disguise. Keep your chin up, and remember it's not all your fault. It takes two to make a marriage, just as it takes two to break a marriage.

[slonezp]

Hang in there bud. Alot of us have been thru it, me included. Sometimes the ex's make it difficult, but don't ever forget about your boy.

[Jake P]

I wish the best for you and your son. I dont have experience or wisdom for your situation but i do have kids, 2 small ones.Not beeing able to see them everyday would be the worse than death in my opinion. Do any and everything you can to see your son. Go see an attorney immediately, even if you cant afford one atleast go speak with one to start the process. I truly hope everything works out for you. I am not much of a religious man, but i will pray for you tonight.

[Glenn]

Matt - been there, done that, and like Mike says, it's a blessing in disguise. Doesn't seem like it right now, I know. But trust me, it is. You'll realize this someday - hopefully sooner than later. But the reality is, better days are coming your way. More than you can imagine.

Hang in there. We're here for you, 24/7/365.

Glenn

[SirSnookalot]

Good luck.

[rockchalk06]

Been there done that even got the crappy T-shirt to boot!

I say this only because I was in your shoes September of 2010. It's now August of 2012 and I sir am a better man than I was then. I had one adopted son and 4 foster kids, brand new house, cars etc. All taken away.

It sucks like nothing in this world. The hurt can't be explained at all. Eventually you will get over it. But no matter what anybody says right now you will think we are full of ****.

Best advice I can give you, stay off the booze, stay off the drugs and do not bash or talk crap about your ex in front of your son. 20 years from now your son will look back and know who the bad person was and you won't have to explain why you treated his mom like crap back when.

[Lund Explorer]

Sorry to hear that you're going to be going through all of this Grimlin, but from all the great responses, I think you can see that you are not alone. With that said, I'm going to pile on with so more advice from a slightly different perspective. From reading your post, I am going to assume that you haven't gotten the "official" notification yet. Before you get served with those divorce papers, there's a few things you really need to do to prepare yourself.

Prepare yourself for an emotional rollercoaster with mostly lows and few highs. As hard as it will be to do, set your motions aside and use common sense before you react to anything.

Hire the best attorney you can find. Talk to your friends that have gone through this before and find an attorney that is going to protect your interests and shield you from all the petty BS that a lot of divorces turn into.

If and when you finally get served, DO NOT read the complaint. Hand it over to your attorney to read and explain to you. Her attorney is going to write the complaint in such a manner that you will sound like the worst person to have ever walked the earth. Every attorney does the exact same thing. The lawyers know it, the judges know it, but it is done to play on your fears and emotions. Don't bite!

Make a list of what you really want if and when this divorce is finalized. This should be the bare minimum that you really want to fight for, because that what this is - A Fight!

Use the rules to your advantage. Everytime the soon to be ex-wife tries to yank your chain, ignore it. Make her leave voice mails, emails, or texts when she pulls this stuff. All of that is considered evidence. Your word that she said something in a conversation isn't.

Like Rockchalk said before, do not fight or say anything bad about her in front of your son. If you show up for a visitation and she pulls something, simply walk away. If it happens, make sure you take a witness with you on any future trips, or have a parent or sibling pick your son up for you. For some reason, many spouses try to use "the kids" as a weapon. If you can show her that it doesn't work, her childish behavior will either stop or give you further evidence to use against her where it counts.

For your own health - Don't leave Bass Resource or change other parts of your lifestyle. Going through a divorce is a big enough loss as it is, so there is no reason to further punish yourself by taking away the things you enjoy. Keep reading the posts here, and jump in if you want to. If you are worried that you may go into full rant mode and earn yourself some warning points, use pm's. I'm willing to take some abuse if you need it, and I'm sure others will too. You really need to keep as much sanity in your life as possible so that you don't dwell on this 24 hours a day.

[K_Mac]

As a believer, you know that God is with you. You can trust in that. I will keep you in my prayers.

[Sam]

Matt, my first wife left me as she did not want me to start my own business.

She also thought that a big house was a burden and she wanted her freedom.

Man, I wish she had left years earlier.

My current wife is sensational. Cute little blond with a body to match and she is a fantastic cook and can handle a party of 50 with one hand tied behind her back.

Right now you are hurting but believe me, in two or three years you will be your old self once again and probably have a better spouse who loves to go fishing with you.

Good luck and just stay in the game. Sometimes you have to hit rock bottom to rise to the surface.

[roadwarrior]

Sorry to hear that you're going to be going through all of this Grimlin, but from all the great responses, I think you can see that you are not alone. With that said, I'm going to pile on with so more advice from a slightly different perspective. From reading your post, I am going to assume that you haven't gotten the "official" notification yet. Before you get served with those divorce papers, there's a few things you really need to do to prepare yourself.

Prepare yourself for an emotional rollercoaster with mostly lows and few highs. As hard as it will be to do, set your motions aside and use common sense before you react to anything.

Hire the best attorney you can find. Talk to your friends that have gone through this before and find an attorney that is going to protect your interests and shield you from all the petty BS that a lot of divorces turn into.

If and when you finally get served, DO NOT read the complaint. Hand it over to your attorney to read and explain to you. Her attorney is going to write the complaint in such a manner that you will sound like the worst person to have ever walked the earth. Every attorney does the exact same thing. The lawyers know it, the judges know it, but it is done to play on your fears and emotions. Don't bite!

Make a list of what you really want if and when this divorce is finalized. This should be the bare minimum that you really want to fight for, because that what this is - A Fight!

Use the rules to your advantage. Everytime the soon to be ex-wife tries to yank your chain, ignore it. Make her leave voice mails, emails, or texts when she pulls this stuff. All of that is considered evidence. Your word that she said something in a conversation isn't.

Like Rockchalk said before, do not fight or say anything bad about her in front of your son. If you show up for a visitation and she pulls something, simply walk away. If it happens, make sure you take a witness with you on any future trips, or have a parent or sibling pick your son up for you. For some reason, many spouses try to use "the kids" as a weapon. If you can show her that it doesn't work, her childish behavior will either stop or give you further evidence to use against her where it counts.

For your own health - Don't leave Bass Resource or change other parts of your lifestyle. Going through a divorce is a big enough loss as it is, so there is no reason to further punish yourself by taking away the things you enjoy. Keep reading the posts here, and jump in if you want to. If you are worried that you may go into full rant mode and earn yourself some warning points, use pm's. I'm willing to take some abuse if you need it, and I'm sure others will too. You really need to keep as much sanity in your life as possible so that you don't dwell on this 24 hours a day.

Great advice!

Don't leave your support group, you have a lot of guys on here that really care about YOU!

[grimlin]

I'll be back for sure. Right now I just got to get things straighten out and do what i need to do. You guys have no idea how of a impact and support you have been in all your own little ways. It means more to me than you can imagine. I believe this will make me a better person in the long run...I feel that I already am.

I thank you guys for all the advice. My parents have been a big help on the phone from TX . I truly do have have great parents and friends and I thank God for that every day.

[Siebert Outdoors]

Take care buddy. If you need anything let me know. I will do what I can.

[Scorcher214]

Sorry to hear that grimlin. My parents got divorced a 4 years ago and even though I was the kid in the situation...it hurts just as much. I didn't speak to my dad for two years after it.

If i can offer any advice at all, from a kid who has been through it, by all means do not talk bad about there mom, and make sure she does not talk bad about you. It happened with me and that was part of the reason I stopped talking to my dad for two years.

Just like you, this place is like another home and family to me, the last thing I would do is leave it.

If you gt any questions as to what it's like from a kids pov. Send me a message and we can talk. Goodluck.

Ps, come to pickwick next year for the road trip if ya can. Would be nice to meet a another Michigander/michiganian from BR.

[Jigfishn10]

Let me know if I can help out, Matt. Good luck.

[NorcalBassin]

Sorry Brother... I can only imagine how devastated I'd be if I was in your shoes. Keep praying and make that son of yours priority #1.

[deep]

Sorry to hear all this, Grimlin. I'm hope everything works out.

[scrutch]

Your faith is now being tested. Keep the faith and make it stronger. PM sent.

[detroit1]

Tough news G...but lots of good advice from all your friends here at BR. Keep your head up and on straight and you will get through this...

[Daddyodo]

That sucks!! So sorry to hear about this. I cannot imagine what you must be going through. Know that I am praying for you and your son. I will also pray for your wife. Take a page out of a fishes life. When the weather gets rough and the waves get high fish will always go to deeper water for comfort and safety. I would encourage you to do the same. God will sustain you. If you want pm me i have so great passages that will help.

PRAYING FOR YOU!!