Am I Wrong?

[clayton86]

Am I wrong for this. My wife and kids and my mother are at the aquarium right now and my wife's messaging me and said my mother wants to take her and the kids to Disney in Florida before I get home from this deployment. I flat out told her no and for several reasons, 1 i just bought her a 18k dollar truck because hers was on the way out, 2) I'd like to be there, 3) its stupid expensive, and tacked onto that last one my moms a con artist and I know she will try and get my wife to pay her way even though its her idea and she wants to take them. I'm getting called every name in the book because i wont let them go. Not to mention the other day I just booked a trip with a private cabin and rented a boat for vacation when i go on leave. They think im Mr money bags now that I got promoted.

Yeah the kids im sure would have fun there to an extent to me there still to young. Noah is 3 he will understand and have fun and what not but jack isn't even 1 what the hell is he gonna do at Disney. There begging me and im still saying no I think its kinda ridiculous shes already got a new place to live, new truck, vacation 1, and money stashed away in the bank we never were able to do before. Now she wants a second vacation and im the bad guy for saying no. All I see is it as is a huge waste of money I have been there twice once when i was like 8 it was ok from what i can remember then again at 14 and i spent the time tormenting my mother and sisters it was the vacation from hell lol. I don't know am i wrong for saying no should i cancel the weekend in the 1000 islands so they can go to to Disney.

Im just thinking mostly on the money aspect of things I want to save up money iv hit my limit on what im willing to dish out on this deployment i got us out of debt but got some buying that truck but iv budgeted everything out im still well within my means even after this and go back to working the civilian job. I just see Disney as a big waste and chunk gone from savings. Maybe in a few years when the kids are older and im home to go also.

[Jake P]

All i can say is dont live above your means. My wife and I have started a new thing to help us do better with our money. Might sound weird to alot of people but it has helped us tremendously. For example: say i want to take a trip to BPS and get some tackle and plan on spending from 50-60 bucks. If i do not have double that amount, I will not go. If i do have that, i will match what i spent and put it in savings. Obviously this doesnt apply to necesseties. If i cannot double the amount that means we are a little low on cash for that week/month and therefore i will not cut us short for something that is not a must have. Again this for things to support our hobbies or just things we want but do not necessarily need. Our cash flow is different each month, sometimes by 700$ and sometimes by 12$. We both have set schedules but work extra hours depending on the work load for the week at our jobs. Im not sure how it is with you and yours.

We planned a vacation about 8 months ago and will leave for it next thursday. We are going to South Padre with some family and getting a condo on the beach for a week. We made a budget and agreed if we could not double it to put in savings then we had no business going. we matched it in savings and all is well.

I would suggest that you talk to your wife and try and get on the same page. If yall just got out of debt, got a new vehicle and already have a planned vacation it sounds like yall are money comfortable. Why risk that comfort? Just my opinion brutha. Good luck!

[deaknh03]

Unless your kids are at least 5 or 6 years old it's a waste of money, not to mention the fact that you, as the dad, probably would love to be there. Taking your situation at face value, your wife is being unfair to you, and perhaps trying to fill the void you left by spending money. Just my 2 cents, maybe right, probably wrong.

[mrmacwvu1]

Well since you are in the service ask if this is a battle worth fighting. If so stand your ground. If not and the money is not a problem, it might make your vacation when you are on leave more enjoyable if everyone is happy. Thank you for your service.

[clayton86]

Unless your kids are at least 5 or 6 years old it's a waste of money, not to mention the fact that you, as the dad, probably would love to be there. Taking your situation at face value, your wife is being unfair to you, and perhaps trying to fill the void you left by spending money. Just my 2 cents, maybe right, probably wrong.

Thats pretty much what it is she went nuts when I first left and the money started flowing because I had 3 months of paid military leave at my teaching job before I left so we were double dipping for a while. She didn't buy useless stuff it was all clothes/toys for the kids new car seats, got the dog fixed, re did the bathroom, new furniture all stuff we needed and will be there more long term then blowing it on stupid stuff. Your point on the kids age though is what I was trying to convey to her as well there still to young they wont remember it next year if she took them this year. Plus I would want to be there as much as i would dread going I would want to be there.

All i can say is dont live above your means. My wife and I have started a new thing to help us do better with our money. Might sound weird to alot of people but it has helped us tremendously. For example: say i want to take a trip to BPS and get some tackle and plan on spending from 50-60 bucks. If i do not have double that amount, I will not go. If i do have that, i will match what i spent and put it in savings. Obviously this doesnt apply to necesseties. If i cannot double the amount that means we are a little low on cash for that week/month and therefore i will not cut us short for something that is not a must have. Again this for things to support our hobbies or just things we want but do not necessarily need. Our cash flow is different each month, sometimes by 700$ and sometimes by 12$. We both have set schedules but work extra hours depending on the work load for the week at our jobs. Im not sure how it is with you and yours.

We planned a vacation about 8 months ago and will leave for it next thursday. We are going to South Padre with some family and getting a condo on the beach for a week. We made a budget and agreed if we could not double it to put in savings then we had no business going. we matched it in savings and all is well.

I would suggest that you talk to your wife and try and get on the same page. If yall just got out of debt, got a new vehicle and already have a planned vacation it sounds like yall are money comfortable. Why risk that comfort? Just my opinion brutha. Good luck!

Thats a good way to budget getting things you want vs need. I get paid the same every 1st and 15th so theres no variances one thing we do though besides putting 500 each check into savings what ever we had left over after all the bills are paid and then what ever spending we have between checks what evers left rolls into that 500 to be put away. So say if on the 15th when the check hits and we had 200 left over from before we put that 200 plus the 500 into savings then pay what bills need to be paid and then whats left is ours to spend on what ever I usually buy fishing stuff naturally she likes to go out to eat and take the boys to the zoo or aquarium.

Well since you are in the service ask if this is a battle worth fighting. If so stand your ground. If not and the money is not a problem, it might make your vacation when you are on leave more enjoyable if everyone is happy. Thank you for your service.

I think its worth fighting I think its pointless I also think what set me off about it was the fact apparently its my mom who wants to take them but my moms so far behind on bills its not even funny my sisters and I have been bailing her out for years I finally said enough is enough and stopped helping her because it was my family suffering for her mistakes not having priority's ie. vacation before bills, clothes shopping, going to movies, all before paying bills. So when they say she wants to take my wife and kids to Disney all kinds of reg flags went up because my moms done that before said oh i'll save up and then we get there and she suddenly has no money and im paying for plane tickets and everything else to cover her out of my pocket. My wife would end up getting suckered into paying my moms way because she wont stand up against her and im not there to.

[telmomarques]

well you cannot argue with a woman, just ingore her and say no

[tomustang]

Disney is overrated. But the question here is Why do you have your mom around if she's a con artist? Get her out of the picture so you don't have to deal with her crap

[Tony Monticelli]

with the kids being so young and the fact you want to go also, then no your not wrong at all.. if you have to fight about this with her, dude seriously think about seeing a marriage counselor. and if she goes anyway, defiantly seek a marriage counselor

for them to get the kids in on it also is a low ball hit, the kids shouldn't even know about it without you giving the ok, now your made out to be the bad guy in it all, that's the worse part of it. they shouldn't even know about it, you shouldn't be in the position to be the bad guy to them....

[Scorcher214]

I went to disney world when I was like 8 and it was one of my favorite vacations as a kid. I would have been pretty upset if my dad was unable to come. Even if your mother is paying for it all, I would say no, wait till they get older and you guys can go as a whole family. Your kids would love to have you there with them, and you want to be there too. Just stand your ground man.

[Bluebasser86]

I don't have kids but that would be something I would want to be there for. Tell your wife to put herself in your shoes, would she want to miss something so big as your kids first trip to Disneyworld? I'm guessing not. Like others have said I think it would be better to wait until the kids are older also, they're young enough they won't remember any of it.

[grimlin]

Unless your kids are at least 5 or 6 years old it's a waste of money, not to mention the fact that you, as the dad, probably would love to be there. Taking your situation at face value, your wife is being unfair to you, and perhaps trying to fill the void you left by spending money. Just my 2 cents, maybe right, probably wrong.

Bingo!

with the kids being so young and the fact you want to go also, then no your not wrong at all.. if you have to fight about this with her, dude seriously think about seeing a marriage counselor. and if she goes anyway, defiantly seek a marriage counselor

for them to get the kids in on it also is a low ball hit, the kids shouldn't even know about it without you giving the ok, now your made out to be the bad guy in it all, that's the worse part of it. they shouldn't even know about it, you shouldn't be in the position to be the bad guy to them....

Extremely low ball hit...Agreed

I went to disney world when I was like 8 and it was one of my favorite vacations as a kid. I would have been pretty upset if my dad was unable to come. Even if your mother is paying for it all, I would say no, wait till they get older and you guys can go as a whole family. Your kids would love to have you there with them, and you want to be there too. Just stand your ground man.

Yup,this should be a family function with him there(even if he had to suffer).

Clayton you got solid advice here man....If your wife can't understand you wanting to be there with the kids,then something's wrong. Specially if you aren't giving your blessing for them to go without you. I can't tell you how many times my wife and kid with to functions without me because I had to work....it made me miserable. Probably why I feel myself snapping every so often. You don't want that happening to you man.

[Bassn Blvd]

This is why I CONTROL THE FINANCES and the wife does NOT have access to the accounts. The two biggest causes of break-ups are money and sex. I control the money and she controls the sex (in her mind). Truth be told, he who controls the money also controls the sex.

Disney can be expensive. I'll be going again during Xmas. Xmas time in Disney is totally awesome. My son was 3.9 years old last year when we went and I think he BARELY enjoyed it. This year he will have a blast.

You also need to tell your mom to stay out of your family affairs.

[clayton86]

with the kids being so young and the fact you want to go also, then no your not wrong at all.. if you have to fight about this with her, dude seriously think about seeing a marriage counselor. and if she goes anyway, defiantly seek a marriage counselor

for them to get the kids in on it also is a low ball hit, the kids shouldn't even know about it without you giving the ok, now your made out to be the bad guy in it all, that's the worse part of it. they shouldn't even know about it, you shouldn't be in the position to be the bad guy to them....

were not fighting fighting this is barely a fight at all she just called me a few names but once said and done we were back to talking like normal its my mom pressing the issue mostly.

Disney is overrated. But the question here is Why do you have your mom around if she's a con artist? Get her out of the picture so you don't have to deal with her crap

I don't want her around my wife just has a hard time with her and my mom knows it and will just invite her self over. When im home my mom doesn't come over we don't go over there my moms F-ed me over so many times and my wife and she knows it cuz iv spoke my mind no way a son should talk to there mother but there's a line and she has crossed it many a times. Its gotten to the point I almost took her to court and still want to but my wife wont let me because she stole my wife's SS number put some bills in her name rang it up to a few grand got it shut off and then just acted like it never happened now were stuck with the bills.

This is why I CONTROL THE FINANCES and the wife does NOT have access to the accounts. The two biggest causes of break-ups are money and sex. I control the money and she controls the sex (in her mind). Truth be told, he who controls the money also controls the sex.

Disney can be expensive. I'll be going again during Xmas. Xmas time in Disney is totally awesome. My son was 3.9 years old last year when we went and I think he BARELY enjoyed it. This year he will have a blast.

You also need to tell your mom to stay out of your family affairs.

the wife has access to all the accounts, she has access to all my emails she has passwords for all the forums I go on nothing is in the dark. My wifes good with money she always makes sure all bills are paid before she buys anything and then she asks me if she can buy it before she does even if its burger king she asks me first if its ok. before I get u guys asking why I give her access to everything read my first post in that marriage thread you will see what i did and understand why there's nothing in the dark with her.

I also do tell my mom to stay out of my family affairs but with me gone she just does what she wants it happens every time I leave for extended periods of time long training drills where im gone for a few weeks or months the deployment the second im on duty not coming home my mother starts stalking my wife pretty much and just coming over un announced she will stop at my in laws un invited which is odd because our parents hate each other. If im home my mom is no where to be seen and when she calls she gets ignored so she has my sister call and play middle man. One of the reasons I want to move to texas and start working in oil leave all the BS that comes with small towns and crazy mother behind. Now if she followed us to texas then i would be mad that would be some bs.

[Bassn Blvd]

She seems squared away with the finances BUT she needs to stand by your decision.

Didn't I tell you there was an ulterior motive to her taking you on that exclusive fishing/camping trip?, hahaha.

[clayton86]

She seems squared away with the finances BUT she needs to stand by your decision.

Didn't I tell you there was an ulterior motive to her taking you on that exclusive fishing/camping trip?, hahaha.

haha yeah I think the Disney thing is out of the picture she didnt bring it up in the email she sent me last night. the 1000 islands trips gonna be more like a honey moon we never got to have.

[clayton86]

oh and I have an ulterior motive to wanting to be there for the Disney trip. they have bass fishing there..................

[Diablos]

Disney is overrated.

Aww...don't be a sourpuss. My family loves Disney.

[tomustang]

You need to tell your wife to start body checking your mom off the property. She's messing with your kids now, it's just going to get worse if you don't get rid of her.

[clayton86]

You need to tell your wife to start body checking your mom off the property. She's messing with your kids now, it's just going to get worse if you don't get rid of her.

its funny you say that because we got our German Shepard a few month back I was joking to train it to attack my mom he hates my sister but loves my mom. I guess my mom "let her self in" to the house when my wife wasn't home and tided up ad waited for her to come home so she could see the kids and i flipped asking what the dog did and I guess he just went up and licked her d**n guard dog fail.