Question For Married Guys And Bachelors

[Lund Explorer]

It's a shame when you find out that there are guys walking around thinking that Two and a Half Men is a reality television show.

[clayton86]

It's a shame when you find out that there are guys walking around thinking that Two and a Half Men is a reality television show.

lol yeah but charlies character was kinda

[K_Mac]

Seacrest a happy marriage is awesome. All of them are not happy for many reasons, usually immaturity and selfishness in my opinion. I think marriage is a serious step that should be entered into only when both parties are ready to commit to each other, willing to put someone else's needs ahead of their own at times. That is an adult concept that can only be understood by a person with enough maturity to recognize they are not the center of the universe. It takes some of us longer than others to get there. Some of us never do...

[J Francho]

If you aren't ready, you aren't ready. No need to throw stones at the guys, just because you've found what you were looking for. For whatever reason, it doesn't always work out that way. I'm divorced, have two boys. I couldn't have foreseen the circumstances that led to my situation, but things are better now with her gone. I thought I met the one, but it wasn't meant to be. I was only going to get married once, and I'm sticking to that, even if it didn't work out.

[K_Mac]

JFranco you are right. It is not my intention to be critical of anyone who is not married for any reason. My point is that condemning marriage in general because the idea doesn't suit some notion of the meaning of life, or that real happiness is not possible when committed to one person till death do us part is insulting to those of us who have been happily married longer than many of the participants in this thread have been alive.

[J Francho]

My post wasn't directed to yours, just followed yours, but good point nonetheless.

[preach4bass]

"i can point our probably hundreds of examples of these same members whining and moaning about the whole marriage/family stuff."

Yea, and us happily married guys could point out hundreds of examples of some young man on this forum acting like a drama queen because of his girl trouble. Fact is, if you have relationships (husband/wife, boyfriend/girlfriend, classmate, co-worker, fellow BR member, etc.) you're going to have problems. And, when problems arise, there will inevitably be whining and moaning.

"Why limit yourself to one ****** the rest of your life? You really think your sex drive (or hers for that matter) is going to last for a while? No. she will get sick of you, and you of her."

I've been married for 10 years, and my sex life is better today than it was when I was a newly-wed. The kids keep us from getting it on quite as frequently, but the couple of times a week we do get together is great! We've been together so long we actually know what we're doing! You've bought society's lie that single guys get more than married folks. Bull! Truth is, we get it more often, and it's of better quality. While you're out hunting for a drink of water, we just go to the faucet and know what we're getting isn't contaminated!

If you don't want to get married, don't. But, if you change your mind, I hope you get to experience the blessings of a good marriage.

[Tokyo Tony]

i take that as a compliment

all these people blowing smoke up this guys ass and i'm the only one telling the truth.

To be honest, my views are closer to yours than the others in this thread. I think marriage CAN work, but 90%+ of people get married because it's what they think they're supposed to do. With divorce laws as anti-male as they are, like you said, it's betting half your assets on a crap shoot. Plus, the whole mentality nowadays is that divorce is NOT a big deal (because it has become not a big deal), so even if you meet who seems to be the perfect girl, you could end up paying alimony and child support for a long time to a girl who didn't even try to make it work.

Sure, you can always say, "Well then don't marry a girl like that." Try telling that to all the guys who are financially and emotionally broken after they DID meet the perfect girl. They were 100% sure she was "the one" and she stuck it in his butt.

Honestly, I AM willing to "settle down" some day, possibly have kids, but I will never get married, ever. It has become obsolete institution IMO, and thanks to feminism, there is literally no reason for a man to get married nowadays. They do it because that's what's expected of them. They assume they're achieving the American Dream...sweet wife, great kids, nice house, 2 cars, white picket fence, etc....except they end up with a woman who doesn't appreciate them, nags them, gets fat because she stops trying, and a couple kids who are ungrateful and treat him like *****.

Granted that last part is very cynical, and a reasonable, respectable man can usually avoid that situation, but I see it far too often.

Anyway, thanks for all the posts. Good stuff.

[grimlin]

If your definition of a good life is having a lot of money, you've got a lot of maturing to do. And, I don't know where you get the idea that once you're married you can't buy anything you want. The brokest people I know are single. They have all the same bills as married people, but with only one income to tackle them with. When my wife and I got married I was able to afford more fishing tackle and a nice bass boat! Now, we've got a couple of kids, and yea, they're expensive (not as much as some people would have you believe), but I also have more fun with them than I ever had standing on the front deck of the bass boat.

Preach4bass,not to argue with you but you are a lucky guy. I'm always broke and rarely get new stuff. I have to secretly put back $20-$40 once in awhile to save up for things. Being married for me doesn't help. It's more bills,more food bills and more hospital visits for your kids. Mine need special attention. Don't get me wrong though,I do love my family. I made that choice,for me there's no regrets.

I think you are a different circumstance,but for some people it doesn't always work out like that.

Grundlelove is also right in a way too....point being kids are very expensive....least on my side of the story. If I didn't have a kid I'm pretty sure I would have already had a new truck and boat and my wife would have had a new house among other things.

My uncle and aunt never had kids...They travel all over the world. They do it together on a motorcycle. Very happy couple and been married for well over 30 years. It was their choice not to have any kids.

[scrutch]

Over the last year or two so I've drastically changed my mindset from the usual "get married and have kids" to just living for myself, not having kids, not getting married. I see myself having a string of long-term relationships, and when they go stale, move on to the next one.

The happiest guys I know are in their 30's to 50's, chose not to have kids, and chose not to get married. Almost every guy I know who is married with kids is stressed, can't do what he wants (golf & fish) nearly as much as he wants, and just doesn't seem very happy.

Now I also know guys with kids say having kids was the best thing they've ever done, but to say anything differently would obviously be taboo in every case.

Lastly, and I know this is shallow, but I can't stomach the idea of only being intimate with one girl for the rest of my life, especially WHEN she gets old, wrinkly, and likely puts on a good bit of weight. As a man, as long as I stay fit, am fun and youthful and confident (and have money), I can always have the option to date much younger girls.

My question to the married guys: Would you recommend it?

My question to the guys who chose bachelorhood: Would you recommend it?

Cheers!

I'm married with four great kids all under the age of ten. I'm never lonely, my kids pick me up when I'm feeling down, sure there is drama, but it's easily worth it. It's the best thing that's ever happened to me. Period.

You think you are a mature man now, kids create in you a man you never thought you could become if you have your heart in it and commit to raising those children the best you know how. It's a TIME commitment. Its a time INVESTMENT. If you aren't ready to commit the time to spend with your kids until they're grown, leave the child rearing to someone else. It's an investment that will pay lifelong dividends if you put in the time.

It's true...nothing worthwhile is easy.

[NorcalBassin]

Pretty interesting to see the two camps on this one. I met my wife in college and we've been together 20+ years and now have 2 little girls (they all love to go out fishing with me by the way). I couldn't imagine myself being any happier and would go through all of the good and bad all over again without regret if I had the option, but it is a lot of work. Marriage is just like anything else in life... if you don't put forth the time and effort to learn a trade or get an education and only care about yourself, what kind of job/career are you going to end up with???

The marriages that have crumbled around me generally soured due to a collapse in communication, a lack of meeting each other's needs, and living in a performance-based relationship (you do something nice for me, I'll do something nice for you; You be mean or rude to me, I'll show you just how mean or rude I can be, etc). Once the downward spiral starts it's incredibly difficult to make it stop. It's teamwork and sometimes you have to pick up the slack when your partner's struggling and at other times she'll do the same for you. You spend the most time on the things most important to you, and it's safe to say that the vast majority of marriages ending in divorce do not have two people 100% dedicated to the marriage.

If someone is in a place where sleeping with multiple women, making and spending a lot of money on whatever they want, and the idea of kids seems likes a death sentence to life, then please, pretty please, do NOT get married. This thread reminds me of that movie "Ghosts of Girlfriends Past" with McConaughey, Jennifer Garner, and Michael Douglas where the "player" eventually dies all alone due to his lifelong love of self. I know that when I look back on my life I'll cherish the time I had with my wife and kids and won't be regretting the lack of one night stands and luxury vehicles and toys I could have had if I stayed single, but that's just me.

[VolFan]

I just got home and put my two year old to bed. Nothing in any of the one night stands or other relationships feels remotely as good as when he gives me a hug and tells me goodnight. And I did some some fun stuff (and people). But you have to find the right person. With your outlook, you're not ready or mature enough, and that's totally ok. You may or may not get there, and that's ok too. But when you get there, you'll understand.

[South FLA]

"To thine own self be true"

There is no right or wrong answer, although some would argue otherwise.

[clayton86]

seen this made me think of this thread

[WookieeJedi]

I usually stay out of these things, but I happen to have some insight. Bear with me. I have been around the block a few times and it is no longer a trip I'm willing to take. I have been married for 13 years now, and have been with my present wife over 15 years. I have had many experiences with women, and was even married once before I met my present wife. A lot of my time and efforts for a long time were spent on hot women. As I got older, I learned the hotties expry date comes up much faster than the ones for women lower on the scale. Many of them are accustomed to certain considerations I am not willing to make. Once I stopped hunting 10's and switched to 5's or better, my options got much better. I found out that it is more important to have a girl with a compatible personality than to have one that looks hot all the time. It got to where I wouldn't hardly even give a really hot girl a chance. I also found that by widening my horizon, the quality really picked up, and I was having more fun. Eventually I found a girl I could spend time with without checking my watch every 5 minutes, one who shares many interests, is a gourmet cook, and doesn't mind my killing animals and skinning them in the backyard. She's usually out there wanting steaks cut. She;s 6'3" to my 6'5", and still looks pretty good after 4 kids. Most of all, we each know we can depend on each other, and that counts more than you can know until it is tested.

[JoePhish]

[MrSwimJig]

I could not imagine my life without my wife or kids. Granted it is tough at times and down right miserable. but all the good times definitely out way the bad!

The girls first walk off grand slam in softball to win the state title, PRICELESS

The son pulling from his center position and flattening the linebacker and the safety to spring the running back for a 80 plus yard touch down run

The daughters cheer team finishing the season ranked number 2 in the USA

Nothing and I mean nothing beats these memories and their are hundreds more, these are just from this year.

Then my beautiful wife, WOW, words can't describe this amazing woman who puts up with me and all of my fishing and hunting escapades. She is a RN at a prominent hospital in the area and works in the ICU unit for premature babies, needless to say how proud I am of her.

But to each their own and I wouldn't change my life for anything.