Question For Married Guys And Bachelors

[Sam]

Raising children today is stressful and expensive, but worth it.

Having your grandchildren over is priceless!!!!!

Try to get a little more mature, find the right girl, settle down, raise a family and then enjoy your grandkids. Worth all the money problems and stress getting the kids out of college and the house.

[clayton86]

kids do change everything though for the most part if you weren't mature enough soon as that water breaks or you hear that first cry you get slapped in the face and change instantly I know I did heck the first sonogram I was like holy **** this got real im really gonna be a dad.

kids sure do take A LOT of energy though they will make your head spin when they wake up at 5am play all day and I mean all day and at 11o'clock at night your sitting there going go to bed already. You lay em down at there bed time go in the other room 5 minutes later there dragging there toy box out of the room saying play daddy and that goes on all night trying to get them to sleep then once one falls asleep the other wakes up and it starts all over again. I think iv had nights where Noah has tucked me in iv fallen asleep on the couch trying to entertain him when he decides to pull an all nighter and I can remember him telling me good night and trying to cover me up and grab the remote to change the channel. Then waking up to him laying at my feet with my blanket and me freezing with no blanket.

I have a loving wife and two boys (4 years old and 7 months old). Seeing them smile when I come home from work is a better feeling than catching a big bass any day of the week.

heck yeah it is my now 3 year old use to come running to the door when I would come home on my lunch or id hear him yell "daddy's home" and hear his feet stomping running across the house to beat me to the top of the stairs to meet me. I would sneak in at times and peer around the corner and he would spot me and just freeze up with the biggest grin. He comes running now when he hears my voice on the computer when me and the wife skype/oovoo chat he comes darting into the room jumping on the bed talking to me asking non stop when im coming home. My youngest maybe a month ago same thing heard me on there he was crawling on the floor I got to watch him pull him self up using the bed and mutter " dada dada" looking for me I was speechless because i had been gone for most of his life at this point I haven't seen them sense January I really didn't expect my youngest to remember me let alone say da da. I kinda want my boys to be at the air port when I arrive on leave but me and the wife made other plans for that afternoon.............

[tomustang]

Divorce rates wouldn't be so bad if people didn't marry for the wrong reasons.

"Well I would love my girlfriends. I love my current girlfriend, and she loves me back."

The love you describe is more like love of a puppy or a video game. It's a moment thing and doesn't last. There's two different loves, in love and I love this are vastly different.

Sorry I'm on mobile and don't want to quote and cut

[quanjig]

As stated earlier, only you are going to be able to decide what is right for you. My first marriage ended in disaster, no children involved and no house to divy up and that was a blessing. I am now married to the absolute love of my life and have been insanely happy for the last 15 years! We have no children and find that fits our lifestyle. Perhaps if we had met earlier in our lives, we would have had kids! We rescue dogs and cats and enjoy doing so. It sounds like you just have not found the right woman. If and when you meet her, believe me, you will know it and it will feel absolutely right. I can't give an opinion on having kids but I'm sure if it is in the cards for the future, that will sort itself out!! Good luck, second guessing your life choices is always introspective but rarely productive. Do yourself a favor, be happy, do what makes you happy and the rest should fall in place!

[Lund Explorer]

Yeah, I've heard that before, many times, but the fact remains that whether we admit it or not, we're all shallow. Can I love an older, heavier, less-attractive woman? Of course. Will I need ed pills to make love to her? Most likely. Is it easier to fall in love with a beautiful, young woman whose appearance stirs my deepest animal desires? Absolutely. I also believe it will be a deeper, more intense love.

"Actual" love, as you call it, is more of a comfort, friendly, partners-for-life love than the love I describe. What I'm talking about is when a girl turns you on like crazy, you have an amazing time doing new and exciting things with her, you want to see her all the time, you're proud she's yours and she's proud you're hers. When you see each other you can't help but smile like a ritart. You get that deep, tingly feeling inside when she snuggles up to you (no ****). You constantly think of all the new things you want to do with her, all the places you want to go. Of course that kind of love can't last forever, but in my opinion it's no less real than what you call "actual" love.

Regardless, love is literally just a chemical reaction in the brain, similar to what happens when a woman eats a piece of chocolate, but obviously stronger.

You're right that I'm "immature" by societal standards; however, I've realized that the goal of societal standards is not your personal happiness. Their only goal is furthuring society.

If being immature is wrong, I don't wanna be right

What you've just described above was explained to me as another "L-Word" that ends with the spelling of ...ust. Or as my favorite bartender would say - "Think with head on your shoulders"!

BTW, you'll find out later that its the guys with the girlfriends half their age that are the number one customers of the little purple pill. When you run across one of these guys at your watering hole, ask him how many of those you can safely take in one night, you'll need to know!

[SouthrnMisnomer]

soul search with your family and friends... b/c it will be up to you... my successes and failures will not help you in this department

[NoBassPro]

The only input I am going to give is my boys aren't really old enough to fish much yet, but love going to the tackle store or watching fishing shows on TV. So, when my wife wants a break I am more than happy to oblige with a boy's day out to Bass Pro, Cabela's or Lunkers while she does what she wants. It would be unrealistic to expect to fish as much as I did, but I am still able to get out plenty.

[Fishing Rhino]

Hey TT, you are wrong about the monogamy thing. It is readily observed, even apart from the teachings of religion.

Question: A man and a woman in a monogamous relationship. Is it possible for either of them to contract herpes, gonnorhea, or syphilis from their partner? What is the rate of occurrence of STDs in monogamous relationships. ( Aids doesn't count because sex is not the only way for the disease to be transmitted. ) And what is the rate of occurrence of STDs among promiscuous partners?

http://www.usustatesman.com/2.5353/std-rates-highest-among-college-students-1.566549

[jkarol24]

Here's the deal. No one can answer your question but you. Marriage may not be for you, but this I will offer.

Wait until your late thirties to have kids, and you'll have no retirement. It's possible you'll be schooling your kids (college hopefully) and having those expenses into your sixties. The reason nature has parenting physically begin in the teens is because it takes a lot of energy to keep up with children properly. Sure, you can go out and shoot hoops or whatever with your child when you are in your fifties, but if you think you can do it as well as in your thirties, you are sadly mistaken.

While there are no guarantees in life, the odds are that you can participate in your child's activities better when you are younger. Illness is more likely to deprive you of energy and mobility as you get older. When you are sixty is when you want your freedom to pursue your activities. Normally, at sixty, the kids are young adults, and don't need your constant supervision and attention. Your home is paid for, and you are debt free.

Your current desires are selfish, centered around what you want. But that's fine, since you seem to recognize it and are not ready to have a wife or family "deprive" you of your liberties.

First, let me say that i adore my parents and understand that they've made me who i am. However, my parents waited until their forties to have me and my sister (im 17, my dad is 63). Simply put, its been pretty hard on me to not be able to do the things with my father that all my friends can do. For instance, i play baseball and when i was younger, my dad was the coach and could do most everything. But as hes gotten older + medical issues, hes realy slowing down and its been rough on me seeing him declining. It is also a little harder having serious conversations with my parents as times have changed so much from their generation to mine (dad graduated highschool in the 60s, i will in 2012).

On the contrary, the advantage is that my parents are so much more mature/wise and have a greater understanding of life that i can appreciate and learn from. Although the physical aspect has dwindled, the metal and emotional aspects have truly been a great teaching tool.

After writing this, Im not sure that i'd want younger parents. Absolutely there are times i wish that i did, but i think that i've been able to mature alot faster than my peers due to older parents...

[Michael DiNardo]

A couple of thoughts for you:

I just came in from being outside catching softball with my 10 yr old daughter, beats going fishing everytime.

My 5 yr old son crawled up in the recliner and watched some TV with me, better than catching a 5 lbser.

With that being said, and this is only for me not to offend anyone, I can't understand getting married if you are not going to have kids.

This quote isn't mine, can't remember the author, but it goes something like; Don't marry the women you can live with, marry the women you can't live without.

Mike

[Raider Nation Fisher]

Here's my take on it, from my experience. After being thrown out of college I had everything planned out for myself. I was gonna pack up grab my bike and be a drifter. Basically just hang with my boys and party non stop. Where our heads hit the ground is where we would sleep. We were gonna go to NYC and chill in the Squats (also known as punk houses. Basically they are abandoned apartments that a group of punks live in.) for a while, and just bounce all over the country. Like I said me, my boys, our bikes, and total freedom. It is above and beyond the American dream IMO. Well I was about a week or two out of finalizing my plans when I met my wife. The momment we started hanging out I knew she was ALL I wanted. Freedom be damned I wanted her and only her. Truthfully she probably saved my life. I was never big on drugs, I hate needles and pills scare the mess out of me. Now alcohol I was all about. I was hanging out with some VERY unsavory people at that period of time too. If I had gone I probably would have come home in a box. Anyway, the bike was sold and 8yrs later I don't think I could be more happy with my life. I have an almost four year old son and adore every minute I get to spend with him. Truth be told my freedom isn't gone either. I get to fish, hunt, golf do whatever I want. Honestly with the exception of the first I really don't care about doing the others that much because I want to hang out with them. I'm still the same person I was and have been. My priorities have just changed now. If I were to go get a new Harly tomorrow and go join the MC some of my buddies ride with, my wife would support me 100% in that endeavor. Sure we fight sometimes, everyone does be you young, old, or somewhere in between. It's just a fact of life. Do I feel stressed about money? Yup I sure do, but only because my hours have been cut in half. At the same time though I can go hit the road for 6 months and make a year's wages doing shutdowns. So no I don't feel trapped or anything of that nature.

Life is what you make of it. Be your own person, and who cares what anybody thinks about you. If you wanna besingle forever. Go for it. If you wanna settle down, and have a wife and kids. Go for it. If you wanna walk around with half your face painted blue. Then jump right up on it. It's all a matter of what makes YOU happy. Everyone else can shove off. No one knows better than yourself what will make you happy in life. That's my two cents on the whole thing.

[Jake P]

If you have to question yourself, then dont do either. Kids are far to precious to gamble on and realize its not something you wanted after all. I went from extremely selfish to extremely selfless when i had mine. Like clayton said, i felt the huge B slap of reality about 1 week after my son was born. Ever since, i have lived for my wife and kids and i would not change a single thing even for a second. The joy i get seeing my wife and kids together laughing and playing is better than anything i experienced before the 3 of them were ever apart of my life.

I feel i can speak for almost every man in the world that has kids and is married. There are things you are going to have to either cut back on, or give up when you decide to have a family. Some may be small, others not so much. But if and when you are truly ready, you will be willing to sacrifice them and still be happy.

[SirSnookalot]

Been on both sides, didn't get married until I was 46, 20 years ago. The last 20 have been the best of my life.

Giving advice on past personal experiences is an exercise in futility, everyone lives life differently. Reading the opening thread I'm of the opinion that Tony is not marriage material at the present time. I find no problem in having a good time at 28 yo, saving up a few bucks, establishing one's career until that lifestyle gets stale, it may or may not. If so, take a new direction at that time.

[J Francho]

You're aren't marriage material until you meet the right person. I'm not gonna say the right one changes you, but rather you evolve into that position together. If you haven't met the one, then DO NOT force it.

[Tokyo Tony]

Good posts everyone, thanks for taking the time to reply.

Any older bachelors reading this?

[clayton86]

here ya go tony

[Tokyo Tony]

^^ haha that's great

[GrundleLove]

if anyone on this board tells you to get married, they are full of ****. How do i know? Mainly because they have all, at some point, bitched and moaned about their wives/children/family etc.....

Seriously dont get married. What's the point really? why tie yourself down like that? To have kids? Why? This world is crap and why would you want to bring a child into it. Plus its just a huge financial burden to!. Wife? yup. Say goodbye to buying things you want. Wanna stay out late and hang out with your friends one night? Cant happen. Why do you think more than 1/2 of all marriages end in divorce? Because it sucks. It's a ********** prison man. sure, its probably good in the beginning, but you know what happens? it starts to run its course. oh, then comes having kids, BAM there goes all your money. You know how much it costs the average American family to raise a child from birth to college? $250,000. HOLY CRAP thats a lot of money. why? what's the point? I really dont get it.

Pro tip: dont get married, dont knock up a chick.

[clayton86]

wouldn't expect any less from you grundle lol

[GrundleLove]

wouldn't expect any less from you grundle lol

i take that as a compliment

all these people blowing smoke up this guys ass and i'm the only one telling the truth.

[preach4bass]

if anyone on this board tells you to get married, they are full of ****. How do i know? Mainly because they have all, at some point, bitched and moaned about their wives/children/family etc.....

Seriously dont get married. What's the point really? why tie yourself down like that? To have kids? Why? This world is crap and why would you want to bring a child into it. Plus its just a huge financial burden to!. Wife? yup. Say goodbye to buying things you want. Wanna stay out late and hang out with your friends one night? Cant happen. Why do you think more than 1/2 of all marriages end in divorce? Because it sucks. It's a ********** prison man. sure, its probably good in the beginning, but you know what happens? it starts to run its course. oh, then comes having kids, BAM there goes all your money. You know how much it costs the average American family to raise a child from birth to college? $250,000. HOLY CRAP thats a lot of money. why? what's the point? I really dont get it.

Pro tip: dont get married, dont knock up a chick.

If your definition of a good life is having a lot of money, you've got a lot of maturing to do. And, I don't know where you get the idea that once you're married you can't buy anything you want. The brokest people I know are single. They have all the same bills as married people, but with only one income to tackle them with. When my wife and I got married I was able to afford more fishing tackle and a nice bass boat! Now, we've got a couple of kids, and yea, they're expensive (not as much as some people would have you believe), but I also have more fun with them than I ever had standing on the front deck of the bass boat.

[K_Mac]

Grundlelove you are one of the most cynical guys around-not that there's anything wrong with that! At least you’re honest about it. The problem with the, "life sucks, and then you die" mentality is often we will work to create that reality, whether we intend to or not.

This notion of living only for individual pleasure is not new. I say it goes back all the way to the Garden, but that is a conversation that we can’t have here. What I will say is the things that bring me real joy today are different than when I was young. The wife of my youth is my life partner, and the thought of living without her, even if she was replaced by Angelina Jolie does not appeal to me. The reason that marriages have shelf-lives is we go into them with that mind-set IMO. I believe that marriage is for better or worse, till death do us part. I know that there are circumstances where this doesn’t work out, but that should be the expectation going in. When we enter into a marriage with the idea that if things get a little tough we can simply move on, that is exactly what will happen. Tough times will happen, married or not.

The idea that children are a burden and will reduce ones happiness is not one supported by my life experience. Being able to help other human beings reach their potential, to love and nurture them, to be a part of their lives, is at the end of the day where real happiness comes from IMO.

I know some folks who have never really done anything for anyone other than themselves. I can’t say whether they are happy or not. I can say with certainty I would not trade my life for theirs or anyone else’s.

[Bankbeater]

I will repeat what already has been said. No one can answer this but you. But a lot depends on the woman. If she is right for you, you will change your mind in a hurry.

[GrundleLove]

Grundlelove you are one of the most cynical guys around-not that there's anything wrong with that! At least you’re honest about it. The problem with the, "life sucks, and then you die" mentality is often we will work to create that reality, whether we intend to or not.

This notion of living only for individual pleasure is not new. I say it goes back all the way to the Garden, but that is a conversation that we can’t have here. What I will say is the things that bring me real joy today are different than when I was young. The wife of my youth is my life partner, and the thought of living without her, even if she was replaced by Angelina Jolie does not appeal to me. The reason that marriages have shelf-lives is we go into them with that mind-set IMO. I believe that marriage is for better or worse, till death do us part. I know that there are circumstances where this doesn’t work out, but that should be the expectation going in. When we enter into a marriage with the idea that if things get a little tough we can simply move on, that is exactly what will happen. Tough times will happen, married or not.

The idea that children are a burden and will reduce ones happiness is not one supported by my life experience. Being able to help other human beings reach their potential, to love and nurture them, to be a part of their lives, is at the end of the day where real happiness comes from IMO.

I know some folks who have never really done anything for anyone other than themselves. I can’t say whether they are happy or not. I can say with certainty I would not trade my life for theirs or anyone else’s.

First off, I don’t think I’m cynical, i think I’m a realist, an honest one at that. And i don’t have the "life suck, then you die” mentality, like i said, I’m just trying to give another side's opinion and not so much colored bubbles and rainbows that a lot of these users bestow around these boards 24/7.

Look, let me clarify. the point that I’m taking is that i just don’t see how everyone around here is saying how awesome it is to get married when in fact i can point our probably hundreds of examples of these same members whining and moaning about the whole marriage/family stuff. And it's not like I’m making this stuff up either like some revolutionary thinker, these opinions have been around for aloonngggg time. What I’m trying to say is yes, it will suck. And yes, you probably will most likely be somewhat happier not getting married. And don’t put the whole "well if you aren’t married you will die alone and sad" b/s on me because it’s not like you can’t have relationships. Example, I’ve been dating the same girl for almost 5 years, she wants marriage. I do not. Why? Because like i said before you literally start to lose some of your "privileges”. You mean to tell me if your wife is home, just doing her wifey thing maybe folding some laundry, maybe making herself a SmartOnes because she thinks she’s fat or whatever and you are leaving work and your buddy calls you. "Hey man, we are hitting up this local bar tonight it’s going to be sick come along" you reply "Ok sounds like fun" ...you call your wife "honey I’m not coming home I’m hitting up a new bar with my friends" and you mean to tell me that in some MAGICAL WONDERLAND of having a wife that she isn’t going to either A.) Flip her **** to you over the phone or B.) Silently flip her **** and at some point in the next 3 days this is going to turn into an argument. Yea. It will. Anyone who tells you otherwise is a ******* liar. Know why? Because that's what happens. Come home one day with a mo-ped or a go kart that you bought with your own money because you wanted to? Forget it. Prepare for a ****-storm. Also. Why limit yourself to one ****** the rest of your life? You really think your sex drive (or hers for that matter) is going to last for a while? No. she will get sick of you, and you of her. Great. Now you cheat because she’s all used up. Great, then you get caught, bam. Divorce. Seriously did i really make up that statistic about the % of marriages ending in divorce? No. Seriously getting married is like betting someone half your money that you will love them forever, and guess what? It’s like a casino: the house always wins. Do yourself a favor, don’t get married, bang a lot of chicks, buy things you want, find friends and girlfriends that make you happy, and if they don’t? Move on. DO NOT get trapped in the false American idolization that marriage is freaking awesome. It's not.

Seacrest Out~

[clayton86]

First off, I don’t think I’m cynical, i think I’m a realist, an honest one at that. And i don’t have the "life suck, then you die” mentality, like i said, I’m just trying to give another side's opinion and not so much colored bubbles and rainbows that a lot of these users bestow around these boards 24/7.

Look, let me clarify. the point that I’m taking is that i just don’t see how everyone around here is saying how awesome it is to get married when in fact i can point our probably hundreds of examples of these same members whining and moaning about the whole marriage/family stuff. And it's not like I’m making this stuff up either like some revolutionary thinker, these opinions have been around for aloonngggg time. What I’m trying to say is yes, it will suck. And yes, you probably will most likely be somewhat happier not getting married. And don’t put the whole "well if you aren’t married you will die alone and sad" b/s on me because it’s not like you can’t have relationships. Example, I’ve been dating the same girl for almost 5 years, she wants marriage. I do not. Why? Because like i said before you literally start to lose some of your "privileges”. You mean to tell me if your wife is home, just doing her wifey thing maybe folding some laundry, maybe making herself a SmartOnes because she thinks she’s fat or whatever and you are leaving work and your buddy calls you. "Hey man, we are hitting up this local bar tonight it’s going to be sick come along" you reply "Ok sounds like fun" ...you call your wife "honey I’m not coming home I’m hitting up a new bar with my friends" and you mean to tell me that in some MAGICAL WONDERLAND of having a wife that she isn’t going to either A.) Flip her **** to you over the phone or B.) Silently flip her **** and at some point in the next 3 days this is going to turn into an argument. Yea. It will. Anyone who tells you otherwise is a ******* liar. Know why? Because that's what happens. Come home one day with a mo-ped or a go kart that you bought with your own money because you wanted to? Forget it. Prepare for a ****-storm. Also. Why limit yourself to one ****** the rest of your life? You really think your sex drive (or hers for that matter) is going to last for a while? No. she will get sick of you, and you of her. Great. Now you cheat because she’s all used up. Great, then you get caught, bam. Divorce. Seriously did i really make up that statistic about the % of marriages ending in divorce? No. Seriously getting married is like betting someone half your money that you will love them forever, and guess what? It’s like a casino: the house always wins. Do yourself a favor, don’t get married, bang a lot of chicks, buy things you want, find friends and girlfriends that make you happy, and if they don’t? Move on. DO NOT get trapped in the false American idolization that marriage is freaking awesome. It's not.

Seacrest Out~

so your saying your GF of 5 years is ok with u going out with out here and getting **** faced and hooking up with random people? Im not doubting it there are alot of people out there like that and swingers what ever thats there cup of tea not mine. Getting married doesnt just make it switch like that there are tons of crazy girls like that after dating for a week that would make some crappy marriages seem like heaven on earth lol. Yeah theres alot of us that have griped about our wives and what not heck im one of em me and the wife had a huge blow up today over some petty crap we fight probably every week never anything serious usually dumb pointless stuff under stress yeah some times from the kids after all shes home alone with a 10month old a 3 year old and a 1year old German Shepard its no wonder shes not in straight jacket crazy. Im just saying not getting married keeps things from not happening all the stuff you say happens to married people happens to those who just date as well. In the end you just gotta do what you want when u find the right girl and wanna give some things up do it if not don't but I will admit my fishing gear has improved ten fold being married i went from 1 tackle box i carried in my back pocket and a cheap walmart combo to my wife buying me tons of lures cuz there shinny or she wants me to have the "best" like some one said 2 incomes with all the same bills and kids arnt that expensive.