Question For Married Guys And Bachelors

[Tokyo Tony]

Over the last year or two so I've drastically changed my mindset from the usual "get married and have kids" to just living for myself, not having kids, not getting married. I see myself having a string of long-term relationships, and when they go stale, move on to the next one.

The happiest guys I know are in their 30's to 50's, chose not to have kids, and chose not to get married. Almost every guy I know who is married with kids is stressed, can't do what he wants (golf & fish) nearly as much as he wants, and just doesn't seem very happy.

Now I also know guys with kids say having kids was the best thing they've ever done, but to say anything differently would obviously be taboo in every case.

Lastly, and I know this is shallow, but I can't stomach the idea of only being intimate with one girl for the rest of my life, especially WHEN she gets old, wrinkly, and likely puts on a good bit of weight. As a man, as long as I stay fit, am fun and youthful and confident (and have money), I can always have the option to date much younger girls.

My question to the married guys: Would you recommend it?

My question to the guys who chose bachelorhood: Would you recommend it?

Cheers!

[flippin Dan]

How much fun will it be to grow old alone wondering if anyone cares about you??? You say as long as you have money you can date younger women in which case you can grow old and still wonder if anyone cares about you and who is with your young girlfriend while you are out fishing. I have 4 children and stay broke but could not be happier with life. I know where every wrinkle on my wife came from because I caused most of them. lol

[BrianinMD]

There is nothing more enjoyable in the world then being with someone you love, and spending time with your kid(s). And yes this includes fishing.

My full answer is being withheld because it most likely would be taken as offensive.

[Lund Explorer]

Tony, when you get to that age, that younger gal is called a trophy wife. Unless you have the kind of money that The Donald has, you will most likely have to settle for what Larry the Cable Guy calls a leopard. Basically it's a cougar with a lot of liver spots!

From the married side of the tally book, I'd have to say that the stress of keeping a wife and children, and grandchildren, and great grandchildren in your life isn't nearly as bad as the benefits. For everytime I growled at one of the kids for a bad report card, an outrageous phone bill, or getting caught sneaking in late at night, there were times that I will cherish until I die. Like the simple joy of a small child getting up in the morning and climbing into my lap to cuddle while they wake up. And I get to relive that special time with each generation that comes along. If you've ever felt what it's like to help someone with one of live's lessons, you can possibly imagine what it feels like when I child thanks you for being there for them.

For many married couples, the number one cause of stress isn't directly the kids, but it is the cost of them. The same money you plan on having loads of is what causes most arguments. For us married guys, we have the chance to pool our resources with a life long partner. My wife and I have had some real doozies for arguments, but we always find a way to get through it. It's a long trip through life to an end none of us can escape, and I can't imagine making it without her. That's because a couple that is committed to each other will have a lot less to worry about than the guy who needs to keep spending more and more trying to attract the next gold digger he's trying to attract.

But I will admit that married life isn't for everyone. If that's the case for you, I hope it works out for you.

[clayton86]

I used to think the same way well iv always wanted kids I never seen my self settling down and neither did anyone else. Then I started dating my wife and we got married pretty young I was 21 she was 18. We had only "dated" for a few months before getting hitched and every one was shocked I was a manwhore and she was crazy party child and we both settled down together. Everyone thought it wouldn't last but a few months and we will be celebrating our 5 year this year. Yeah it was rocky at times I mean really rocky 2 years ago we split for a summer I left her for another women and iv regretted it ever sense after 2 months I came crawling back to her and there isn't a day that goes by that I dont ask her and god for forgiveness.

Yeah im stressed like a MOFO especially as of lately being deployed and having to deal with everything via email,oovoo, and instant messenger but iv also never been happier I would be lost with out my wife and kids. I would never even think of being with another women besides her for the rest of my life even with all the stress she causes. Our sons are to little to cause to much stress right now Noah just turned 3 the other week and Jack will be 1 this summer. them boys are my life also having kids is the greatest feeling in the world the joy they bring especially when there Noahs age the things they say and do I have a video of him my wife sent me he seen a C130 leaving the airbase in Niagara falls not to far from our apt and he pointed to it and said I was in the army plane and that im his hero and coming home soon. Its a crazy feeling looking at your kids saying to your self wow that came from me its truely like magical seeing little things from the wife or my self in the boys they got her looks and attitude with my energy and love for the outdoors its great.

Would I recommend marriage though I don't anyone could answer that but your self yeah being a bachelor is fun I had a lot of good times but I wouldn't trade them for what I have now with or with out the kids my wife thinks the kids are the reason for everything I say or do but there not id just as willingly keep a life of just me and her as I would with the kids over being single the kids are just an awesome bonus. Who knows you could end up meeting some one you cant live without and throw your way of thinking now right out the window and get hitched or just date for the rest of your lives never getting married my older sister has been with the same guy for 16 years now not married and 1 kid together to each there own. The only one who can tell ya how its gonna play out in the end is yourself

also on a side note just cause your married with kids doesn't mean its the end all be all of fishing just find a good women who supports it my wife fishes and hunts my kids go also. The fighting and bickering makes for great make up sex or a good push at the gym my best days come after arguing with the wife I put up insane amounts forcing my self to do it again next time good motivation.

[clayton86]

Tony, when you get to that age, that younger gal is called a trophy wife. Unless you have the kind of money that The Donald has, you will most likely have to settle for what Larry the Cable Guy calls a leopard. Basically it's a cougar with a lot of liver spots!

From the married side of the tally book, I'd have to say that the stress of keeping a wife and children, and grandchildren, and great grandchildren in your life isn't nearly as bad as the benefits. For everytime I growled at one of the kids for a bad report card, an outrageous phone bill, or getting caught sneaking in late at night, there were times that I will cherish until I die. Like the simple joy of a small child getting up in the morning and climbing into my lap to cuddle while they wake up. And I get to relive that special time with each generation that comes along. If you've ever felt what it's like to help someone with one of live's lessons, you can possibly imagine what it feels like when I child thanks you for being there for them.

For many married couples, the number one cause of stress isn't directly the kids, but it is the cost of them. The same money you plan on having loads of is what causes most arguments. For us married guys, we have the chance to pool our resources with a life long partner. My wife and I have had some real doozies for arguments, but we always find a way to get through it. It's a long trip through life to an end none of us can escape, and I can't imagine making it without her. That's because a couple that is committed to each other will have a lot less to worry about than the guy who needs to keep spending more and more trying to attract the next gold digger he's trying to attract.

But I will admit that married life isn't for everyone. If that's the case for you, I hope it works out for you.

That right there case of 99% of the arguements me and the wife have like the one were having right now about affording a new truck tacking on another bill. The kids are almost never the cause of our fights its the money they drain but its worth every penny.

[Tokyo Tony]

How much fun will it be to grow old alone wondering if anyone cares about you??? You say as long as you have money you can date younger women in which case you can grow old and still wonder if anyone cares about you and who is with your young girlfriend while you are out fishing. I have 4 children and stay broke but could not be happier with life. I know where every wrinkle on my wife came from because I caused most of them. lol

I'll have friends and family who care about me. As for my girlfriend straying, well if she'd stray as my gf, she'd also stray as my wife.

Glad you're happy. Honestly, personal happiness is literally the most important thing in life, no matter what path you choose.

There is nothing more enjoyable in the world then being with someone you love, and spending time with your kid(s). And yes this includes fishing.

My full answer is being withheld because it most likely would be taken as offensive.

Well I would love my girlfriends. I love my current girlfriend, and she loves me back.

I'm sure it is an awesome feeling hanging out with your own kids...kids who are part you. This would obviously be a big sacrifice if I choose the bachelor path, but there would also be benefits.

Oh, and you can say whatever you want - I'm nearly impossible to offend

Tony, when you get to that age, that younger gal is called a trophy wife. Unless you have the kind of money that The Donald has, you will most likely have to settle for what Larry the Cable Guy calls a leopard. Basically it's a cougar with a lot of liver spots!

From the married side of the tally book, I'd have to say that the stress of keeping a wife and children, and grandchildren, and great grandchildren in your life isn't nearly as bad as the benefits. For everytime I growled at one of the kids for a bad report card, an outrageous phone bill, or getting caught sneaking in late at night, there were times that I will cherish until I die. Like the simple joy of a small child getting up in the morning and climbing into my lap to cuddle while they wake up. And I get to relive that special time with each generation that comes along. If you've ever felt what it's like to help someone with one of live's lessons, you can possibly imagine what it feels like when I child thanks you for being there for them.

For many married couples, the number one cause of stress isn't directly the kids, but it is the cost of them. The same money you plan on having loads of is what causes most arguments. For us married guys, we have the chance to pool our resources with a life long partner. My wife and I have had some real doozies for arguments, but we always find a way to get through it. It's a long trip through life to an end none of us can escape, and I can't imagine making it without her. That's because a couple that is committed to each other will have a lot less to worry about than the guy who needs to keep spending more and more trying to attract the next gold digger he's trying to attract.

But I will admit that married life isn't for everyone. If that's the case for you, I hope it works out for you.

The main appeal of kids to me is raising them to be awesome. Teaching them how to deal with life, how to deal with people, how to do things, and how to be happy, and when they grow up, enjoying the fact that they appreciate having been raised so well by the best father ever. I'd be a great dad. Of course, they're an extreme burden financially and emotionally. I'm legitimately unsure at this point in my life whether or not I want that burden. I'm sure if I have them, I'll be glad I did, and if I don't have them, I'll be glad I didn't. Well, not so sure of the 2nd part, but I think I'd be glad I didn't.

As for love "til death do we part", I'm kind of jaded on that. I don't think we're programmed to be monogamous, and as far as being one couple forever, most people would be generally happier with another person after a certain amount of time.

Regardless, fortunately, as a man, I have time. IF I do marry/have kids, it won't be until my late-30's at the earliest. Women don't have that luxury. I enjoy hearing everyone's perspective...keep it comin!

[Tokyo Tony]

The only one who can tell ya how its gonna play out in the end is yourself

This is true. I just like hearing from older folks who have experienced it.

lol @ you putting up more weight after a fight with the wife. That's awesome.

And you say, like almost every father, your kids are the most important things in your life, above yourself. Not sure I want that, but time will tell. Thanks for the post.

[clayton86]

This is true. I just like hearing from older folks who have experienced it.

lol @ you putting up more weight after a fight with the wife. That's awesome.

And you say, like almost every father, your kids are the most important things in your life, above yourself. Not sure I want that, but time will tell. Thanks for the post.

im not older folks lol

how old are you anyways

but time always tells everything

[BrianinMD]

Loving someone does not depend on looks, this statement "Lastly, and I know this is shallow, but I can't stomach the idea of only being intimate with one girl for the rest of my life, especially WHEN she gets old, wrinkly, and likely puts on a good bit of weight." shows you have a LOT of maturing to do. It may be best you wait for actual love, not the kind you say because its the "right" thing to say. If the hint of leaving someone just because they don't fit into your approved set of looks you do not love them. By the sounds of things you posted, having love and kids needs to wait until you mature enough.

Maturity is not an age.

[Tokyo Tony]

how old are you anyways

28

[Tokyo Tony]

Loving someone does not depend on looks, this statement "Lastly, and I know this is shallow, but I can't stomach the idea of only being intimate with one girl for the rest of my life, especially WHEN she gets old, wrinkly, and likely puts on a good bit of weight." shows you have a LOT of maturing to do. It may be best you wait for actual love, not the kind you say because its the "right" thing to say. If the hint of leaving someone just because they don't fit into your approved set of looks you do not love them. By the sounds of things you posted, having love and kids needs to wait until you mature enough.

Maturity is not an age.

Yeah, I've heard that before, many times, but the fact remains that whether we admit it or not, we're all shallow. Can I love an older, heavier, less-attractive woman? Of course. Will I need ed pills to make love to her? Most likely. Is it easier to fall in love with a beautiful, young woman whose appearance stirs my deepest animal desires? Absolutely. I also believe it will be a deeper, more intense love.

"Actual" love, as you call it, is more of a comfort, friendly, partners-for-life love than the love I describe. What I'm talking about is when a girl turns you on like crazy, you have an amazing time doing new and exciting things with her, you want to see her all the time, you're proud she's yours and she's proud you're hers. When you see each other you can't help but smile like a ritart. You get that deep, tingly feeling inside when she snuggles up to you (no ****). You constantly think of all the new things you want to do with her, all the places you want to go. Of course that kind of love can't last forever, but in my opinion it's no less real than what you call "actual" love.

Regardless, love is literally just a chemical reaction in the brain, similar to what happens when a woman eats a piece of chocolate, but obviously stronger.

You're right that I'm "immature" by societal standards; however, I've realized that the goal of societal standards is not your personal happiness. Their only goal is furthuring society.

If being immature is wrong, I don't wanna be right

[grimlin]

I've been questioning myself rather I made the right choice in having a kid...My wife blatantly said it herself to me once.Kids are expensive,I don't care what anybody says. The problems I've got with mine isn't even the kid's fault. You really have to expect the unexpected when it comes to having kids and a family.

Honestly....It is a stressful life. In some sense it is worth it because of some of the joy kids can bring you.In other ways it can really screw people up.

But if you are really unsure of it...STAY SINGLE! There's nothing and I mean NOTHING wrong with staying single....90% of my single friends are some of the happiest people I know. 75% of my married friends are some of the most messed up people I know.

There are some people I know specially the girls who jump into relationships so fast that later in life pretty much regret everything.

I didn't start my family till I was 27. So even then,I started later than most might.

I know I may be on the darker side of this from most people's opinion,but just take a look at most families and marriages....most of them are a mess. Maybe I may be looking at the wrong in this here and around negativity more than I should be.

It a choice and a hard one....there's good and bad in both staying single or being married.

But honestly,kids can be your pride and joy,they come from a part of you and their mother. Something like that can really change you.While i still question myself,I have no regrets....So have no regret in whatever you choose to do in life.

[aumdb487]

I have a loving wife and two boys (4 years old and 7 months old). Seeing them smile when I come home from work is a better feeling than catching a big bass any day of the week.

[Tokyo Tony]

But if you are really unsure of it...STAY SINGLE! There's nothing and I mean NOTHING wrong with staying single....90% of my single friends are some of the happiest people I know. 75% of my married friends are some of the most messed up people I know.

Same here, except for my friends who don't want to be single, but are.

Also, the divorce rate is 50%+, with around 70% initiated by the wife, and with the divorce laws so in favor of the woman, you're betting half your assets on a coin toss nowadays. In a no-fault state such as CT, my wife could cheat on me with my brother, father, best friends, divorce me, and take half my money. Ridiculous. Of course, everyone who gets married thinks he'll be the exception, but you never know. Anyway...

So have no regret in whatever you choose to do in life.

Good advice.

I have a loving wife and two boys (4 years old and 7 months old). Seeing them smile when I come home from work is a better feeling than catching a big bass any day of the week.

I bet it is - nice to hear!

[SoFlaBassAddict]

Heck. I'm 30. Twin nine year old girls that live with me. Their mother is basically not a part of their life. I've had a few relationships that have lasted a while, and a bunch of short term ones. I couldn't be happier. . I'm sure one day I'll settle down, but who the heck knows when. I'm a drama free type of dude. Marriage always seems to have unnecessary drama happening far too often for my tastes.

[J Francho]

I'm THE WRONG guy to ask. Heh.

[Tokyo Tony]

Heck. I'm 30. Twin nine year old girls that live with me. Their mother is basically not a part of their life. I've had a few relationships that have lasted a while, and a bunch of short term ones. I couldn't be happier. . I'm sure one day I'll settle down, but who the heck knows when. I'm a drama free type of dude. Marriage always seems to have unnecessary drama happening far too often for my tastes.

Did you raise them on your own? Was/is it really tough? I've considered the idea of being a single father...

Nice freakin peacock btw

I'm THE WRONG guy to ask. Heh.

Why?

[J Francho]

I just tried PMing you....couldn't send. not for public consumption.

[SoFlaBassAddict]

Did you raise them on your own? Was/is it really tough? I've considered the idea of being a single father...

Nice freakin peacock btw

I did.

Was or is it hard? Of course. Raising children is not an easy thing. Especially by yourself. Sure it's got it's good and bad moments, but on the whole, nothing is more worthwhile. Just don't expect to have extra cash lying around without having a good job. Kids are expensive...

[Fishing Rhino]

Here's the deal. No one can answer your question but you. Marriage may not be for you, but this I will offer.

Wait until your late thirties to have kids, and you'll have no retirement. It's possible you'll be schooling your kids (college hopefully) and having those expenses into your sixties. The reason nature has parenting physically begin in the teens is because it takes a lot of energy to keep up with children properly. Sure, you can go out and shoot hoops or whatever with your child when you are in your fifties, but if you think you can do it as well as in your thirties, you are sadly mistaken.

While there are no guarantees in life, the odds are that you can participate in your child's activities better when you are younger. Illness is more likely to deprive you of energy and mobility as you get older. When you are sixty is when you want your freedom to pursue your activities. Normally, at sixty, the kids are young adults, and don't need your constant supervision and attention. Your home is paid for, and you are debt free.

Your current desires are selfish, centered around what you want. But that's fine, since you seem to recognize it and are not ready to have a wife or family "deprive" you of your liberties.

Speaking for myself, and myself only, in a few weeks my wife and I will celebrate our 47th anniversary. There were times that I could not do the things I would have liked to do. Family responsibilities, and finances limited us. Our older daughter is in her 40s, and our youngest turned 40 this year. Our youngest got her masters degree nearly twenty years ago.

That means that my wife and I have been independent, and able to do what we wanted to do, when we wanted to do it. No mortgage, no debt, good health, and the means to enjoy our remaining years together. Will it be another five years? Another ten years? Who knows?

This much I do know. If I had the opportunity to turn the clock back fifty years, I wouldn't change a thing. I have no regrets. It's a beautiful life.

[Tokyo Tony]

I did.

Was or is it hard? Of course. Raising children is not an easy thing. Especially by yourself. Sure it's got it's good and bad moments, but on the whole, nothing is more worthwhile. Just don't expect to have extra cash lying around without having a good job. Kids are expensive...

Good job man.

Here's the deal. No one can answer your question but you. Marriage may not be for you, but this I will offer.

Wait until your late thirties to have kids, and you'll have no retirement. It's possible you'll be schooling your kids (college hopefully) and having those expenses into your sixties. The reason nature has parenting physically begin in the teens is because it takes a lot of energy to keep up with children properly. Sure, you can go out and shoot hoops or whatever with your child when you are in your fifties, but if you think you can do it as well as in your thirties, you are sadly mistaken.

While there are no guarantees in life, the odds are that you can participate in your child's activities better when you are younger. Illness is more likely to deprive you of energy and mobility as you get older. When you are sixty is when you want your freedom to pursue your activities. Normally, at sixty, the kids are young adults, and don't need your constant supervision and attention. Your home is paid for, and you are debt free.

Your current desires are selfish, centered around what you want. But that's fine, since you seem to recognize it and are not ready to have a wife or family "deprive" you of your liberties.

Speaking for myself, and myself only, in a few weeks my wife and I will celebrate our 47th anniversary. There were times that I could not do the things I would have liked to do. Family responsibilities, and finances limited us. Our older daughter is in her 40s, and our youngest turned 40 this year. Our youngest got her masters degree nearly twenty years ago.

That means that my wife and I have been independent, and able to do what we wanted to do, when we wanted to do it. No mortgage, no debt, good health, and the means to enjoy our remaining years together. Will it be another five years? Another ten years? Who knows?

This much I do know. If I had the opportunity to turn the clock back fifty years, I wouldn't change a thing. I have no regrets. It's a beautiful life.

Sounds like a great life Rhino. The only thing I disagree with is having that many rods in a canoe. lol

Sure you won't have as much energy to raise kids when you're older, but you also don't have as much energy to pursue your passions. I guess it all comes down to your priorities and what you want in life. The trouble is I don't know what I want. Leaning towards being selfish and golfing/fishing/galavanting through my youth. If I'm lonely and unloved when I'm older, I can always just off myself (not serious).

btw you might be an old man (compared to me) but we have the same hobbies. I constantly have to decide whether to fish or golf.

[roadwarrior]

The happiest moments of my life have been the few which I have passed at home in the bosom of my family. ~Thomas Jefferson

My wife and I will celebrate our 35th anniversary this year. My son graduates from

medical school next week and my daughter is completing her Master's Degree. My

family represents fulfillment in my life.

[preach4bass]

You love your girlfriend, but are anticipating getting rid of her when she gets a few wrinkles? Part of me wants to tell you that if that's your definition of love, please don't have kids. The other part of me knows that if you have kids, you'll learn what love really is. And, one of the best ways to love your kids is to love their mama (wrinkles and all).

[SirSnookalot]

Been on both sides, didn't get married until I was 46, 20 years ago. The last 20 have been the best of my life.