Three stories ...
job application a 17 year old boy submitted at a
mcdonald's fast-food establishment in florida ... And
they hired him because he was so honest and funny!
Name: greg bulmash
Sex: not yet. Still waiting for the right person.
Desired position: company's president or vice
president. But seriously, whatever's available. If i
was in a position to be picky, i wouldn't be applying
here in the first place.
Desired salary: $185,000 a year plus stock options and
a michael ovitz style severance package. If that's not
possible, make an offer and we can haggle.
Education: yes.
Last position held: target for middle management
hostility.
Salary: less than i'm worth.
Most notable achievement: my incredible collection of
stolen pens and post-it notes.
Reason for leaving: it sucked.
Hours available to work: any.
Preferred hours: 1:30-3:30 p.M., Monday, tuesday, and
thursday.
Do you have any special skills?: Yes, but they're
better suited to a more intimate environment.
May we contact your current employer?: If i had one,
would i be here?
Do you have any physical conditions that would
prohibit you from lifting up to 50 lbs?: Of what?
Do you have a car?: I think the more appropriate
question here would be "do you have a car that runs?"
Have you received any special awards or recognition?:
I may already be a winner of the publishers clearing
house sweepstakes.
Do you smoke?: On the job no, on my breaks yes.
What would you like to be doing in five years?: Living
in the bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy
blonde super model who thinks i'm the greatest thing
since sliced bread. Actually, i'd like to be doing
that now.
Do you certify that the above is true and complete to
the best of your knowledge?: Yes. Absolutely.
Sign here: aries.
Saying right thing in the right time!!
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A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished
to see the bed nicely made up and everything neat and
tidy.
Then he saw an envelope propped up prominently on the
pillow. It was addressed, "Dad". With the worst
premonition, he opened the envelope and read the
letter with trembling hands:
Dear Dad,
It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing
you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend because I
wanted to avoid a scene with you and Mom.
I've been finding real passion with Joan and she is so
nice. I knew you would not approve of her because of
all her piercings, tattoos, her tight motorcycle
clothes and because she is so much older than I am but
it's not only the passion, Dad, she's pregnant.
Joan says that we are going to be very happy. She owns
a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood,
enough for the whole winter. We share a dream of
having many more children.
Joan has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana
doesn't really hurt anyone. We'll be growing it and
trading it with the other people in the commune for
all the cocaine and ecstasy we want.
In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a
cure for AIDS so Joan can get better; she sure
deserves it!
Don't worry Dad, I'm 15 years old now and I know how
to take care of myself. Someday, I'm sure we'll be
back to visit so you can get to know your
grandchildren.
Your son, Chad
P.S. Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at
Tommy's house. I just wanted to remind you that there
are worse things in life than the report card that's
in my desk drawer.
I love you! Call when it is safe for me to come home!
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Jack wakes up with a huge hangover after attending his
company's Christmas Party. Jack is not normally a
drinker, but the drinks didn't taste like alcohol at
all. He didn't even remember how he got home from the
party. As bad as he was feeling, he wondered if he did
something wrong.
Jack had to force himself to open his eyes and the
first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a
glass of water on the side table. And, next to them, a
single red rose! Jack sits up and sees his clothing in
front of him, all clean and pressed. He looks around
the room and sees that it is in perfect order,
spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house. He
takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black
eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror. Then
he notices a note hanging on the corner of the mirror
written in red with little hearts on it and a kiss
mark from his wife in Lipstick:
"Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to get
groceries to make you your favorite dinner tonight. I
love you, darling! Love, Jillian"
He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is
hot breakfast, steaming hot coffee and the morning
newspaper. His son is also at the table, eating. Jack
asks, "Son... What happened last night?"
"Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk and out of
your mind. You fell over the coffee table and broke
it, and then you puked in the hallway, and got that
black eye when you ran into the door.
Confused, he asked his son, "So, why is everything in
such perfect order and so clean? I have a rose, and
breakfast is on the table waiting for me??"
His son replies, "Oh THAT! Mom dragged you to the
bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off,
you screamed, "Leave me alone, I'm married!!"
Broken Coffee Table $239.99
Hot Breakfast $4.20
Two Aspirins $.38
Saying the right thing, at the right time. . .
PRICELESS!!!