Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?
So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills.
O.M.G., I'm rich!
Silver in the hair
Gold in the teeth
Crystals in the kidneys
Sugar in the blood
Iron in the arteries
AND
An inexaustible supply of Natural Gas.
I never thought I'd accumulate such wealth.
What do you call a ghost's mother and father?
Transparents.
New Times
When Americans woke up a few months ago, they suddenly realized:
15 years ago they had Steve Jobs, Johnny Cash and Bob Hope....Today they have no Jobs, no Cash and no Hope.
50-50
A little kid is in school, taking a true-false test and he's flipping a coin. At the end of the test he's flipping the coin again.
The teacher says, "what are you doing?"
He says, "I'm checking my answers."
Trivia
-No piece of paper can be folded in half more than 7 times.
-Oak trees do not produce acorns until they are fifty years of age or older.
-The first product to have a bar code was Wrigley's gum.
-A Boeing 747's wing span is longer than the Wright brother's first flight.
-Venus is the only planet that rotates clockwise.
-Apples, not caffiene, are more efficient at waking you up in the morning.
-The first owner of the Marlboro company died of lung cancer.
-Marilyn Monroe had 6 toes.
-Betsy Ross is the only real person to ever have been on the head of a Pez dispenser.
-Pearls melt in vinegar.
-Average life span of a major league baseball? 7 pitches.
-A ducks quack doesn't echo and no one knows why.
Shakespeare
Librarian to college football player. "May I help you?"
Football player "I have to read a play by Shakespeare."
Librarian "Which one?"
Football player "William."
Library book
A blonde walks into the library, SLAMS a book down and screams at the librarian, - "This is the WORST book I've ever read!" "It has NO plot and far too many characters!" The librarian looks up at the blonde and calmly remarks -"So you're the one who took our phone book."
True
In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth. After that, everything else was made in China.
