Dummy Dilemma
My younger years were spent fishing and camping most every chance I got. I, like all my friends and many of you, would spend the week working doing chores around the house and as many weekends as possible chasing my hobbies fishing and camping. Huntsville Alabama was the place of my birth and I lived there until I turned nineteen when I “thought” I was a full grown man, left my boyhood home and moved to a small community in south central Tennessee called Hot Rock. Now Hot Rock is a beautiful place located in the rolling hills of Tennessee and I was lucky enough to settle on a large cattle ranch. My home located right in the middle, half way up one of these rolling hills, overlooking a big valley, small creek and around 800 acres of rolling hills and pasture bounded on the south by the Elk river, a perfect place for an outdoorsman like me.
North Alabama where I was born is the home of the Tennessee River, which runs out of southeast Tennessee Smokey Mountain range into northeast Alabama. The river then meanders through north Alabama traversing the width of the state to exit in north west Alabama close to the small town of Waterloo, Alabama. The same Waterloo where Andrew Jackson forced the Cherokee nation to cross the Tennessee river during the Trail of Tears, a forced march to the west.
History had proven that flooding during spring could be devastating to the whole north of the state, so the Tennessee Valley Authority (TVA) was formed and dams were erected up and down the river to form several large manmade lakes named Guntersville, Wheeler, Wilson and most of Pickwick.
Both Huntsville and Hot Rock were situated right in the middle of all these and several other lakes and rivers that meant a short fifteen minute up to one hour drive in any direction would put me on a different lake. My hardest decision was which one should I visit.
One winter day a couple old friends of mine, Jay and Aaron or to me Double A Run, came by the house and we started reminiscing of the old days when we would camp every chance we got together normally fishing or canoeing. Double A Run made a suggestion that we take a camping trip, come spring, down to a good spot on Wheeler lake where there were still some primitive camping sites right on the lake that didn’t cost a dime to use. This sounded really good to Jay and myself, so plans were made and come March we were going out for a new adventure.
About a year or so before that I had bought my first real bass boat, a 16 foot Bass Tracker, at the time was my pride and joy. Since we were going in March and the Crappie should be biting, we decided to take it along on the trip and do some boat fishing. Back then there were occasionally a little trouble in the area we were going, with people breaking into cars and ransacking camp sites. I started thinking how would our camp be safe to leave for several hours for us to get out and do some Crappie fishing.
Work for me was on a firing range on Redstone Arsenal, an Army base near Huntsville AL, where we tested and fired many different missile systems and such. We fired missiles to evaluate damage to enemy tanks and vehicles, so this type thing wouldn’t need to be guessed at in the field by soldiers. One afternoon after a test had finished, I drove down to a tank we had fired a missile into to determine damage done to the inside of the vehicle. When I popped the turret cover open and looked in, there was George, a mannequin we used inside the tank to find the kill power of said weapon system. Well George, the dummy, was sitting there looking up at me and the light bulb went off. I invited George the dummy to go along on the camping trip with us to guard our possessions while we were out fishing.
The day of our trip finally arrived and Jay, Double A Run, George the dummy and myself hooked up the boat, loaded our camping gear, several cases of beer and headed out for the lake in my old 69 Ford pickup.
When we got to the camp site we put the boat in and dressed George the dummy in a pair of old coveralls, stuck a couple rubber boots on his feet, laid him down on a lawn chair, stuck a hat on his head, pulled it down over his eyes, folded his arms where his hands weren’t readily visible and George the dummy was ready for guard duty. Double A Run, Jay and myself hopped in the boat and started our search for the Crappie we came after. That afternoon was a struggle and couldn’t find our pry until just before dark we scored, dropping a minnow down in a blown down tree. The bobber went down and out came a really nice one pound crappie. We hurriedly caught a couple more and the dark of night finally found us.
When we arrived back at camp there was George the dummy laying on the lawn chair and all our camping gear in tact. George the dummy had served his purpose and protected our camp from invaders.
Jay started right in on the beer we had brought and Double A Run was right behind him. When they ask if I wanted one, I declined and told them, guys I’m not drinking a thing, I’m going back out in the morning and catch some more of those Crappie. The rule in my boat was alcohol and water don’t mix, always has been, always will be. So while Jay and Double A Run started in on the beer, I got my tarp fixed over the bed of my truck and fixed a spot high and dry for the night.
Now Jay is a red headed man, very light complected fella who, when he gets several beer in him has a big blue vein that sticks out on his neck. Double A Run and I, being such good friends with Jay, took notice and mentioned to him, you really have a big blue vein sticking out on your neck. Jay, for some reason took it as an insult. This mention of his blue vein made him really give us down the road about it so as good friends do, we milked that insult to the hilt. Double A Run really started in and got to calling Jay a blue vein throbber. This went on for a while and every time Double A Run mentioned it Jay went off. Finally Jay had enough and was ready to get to bed and get some sleep. He walked over to George the dummy, grabbed him by the collar, jerked him up from the recliner and shouted, “this is my bed for the night” and with that tossed George the dummy against a tree where he crumpled to the ground in a heap loking like someone who just couldn’t make it any further and just crumpled to the ground by the tree.. With that it was time to get some sleep and I crawled up in the bed of the truck and sacked out.
Sometime during the night the wind got up and started raining. I was comfortable under my tarp and soon Double A Run crawled up in the truck with me. Ivey you don’t care If I sleep in here with you do you? I consented and soon heard Jay shut the door of the truck and we were all in for the night.
Daylight came and I was up and gone back after those crappie to no avail, the nights weather had shut them down. I went back to camp to stoke the fire and get some breakfast cooking. Jay and Double A Run were up but not looking to good. Jay had started a fire so we had breakfast coffee and relaxed for a while, just sitting around. Jay was nursing a hangover and Double A Run in rare form.
About this time a boat pulled up close to camp and the guys in it started fishing down the bank toward us. They got down to where we were and one of them yelled up “did y’all spend the night out in that weather last night?” Double A Run answered back yes, we did and it was tough. One of the guys in the boat yelled back ” you guys are some tough cods aren’t you.“ Double A Run answered back yep tough cods and just loud enough for us to hear, and one blue veined throbber. With this Jay lost it, he stood and yelled back at Double A Run why don’t y’all just shut up and leave me alone. I just happened to be looking at the guys in the boat and they thought Jay was yelling at them. They put their gear down and started up their boat and left. I guess, assuming we were trouble and wanted no part of us. Well this really got away with Double A Run and I and we just laughed and went on about our business while Jay went about draining the rest of the beers we brought.
Mid day we had fixed some lunch and were sitting there eating when a Sheriffs car pulled by. We waved and he went on by circled around and very slowly drove back by and out of the camp site. Just a few minutes went by and I noticed something moving up the road. There was the Sheriff sneaking back down the dirt road toward our camp. It was kinda like a cartoon, the Sheriff was sneaking back toward us from one tree to the next hiding along the way, his big belly sticking out from behind the tree every time he thought he was hidden. Telling Jay and Double A Run here comes that sheriff I asked did you guys pick up all your beer cans? Assuring me they had and fearing the sheriff was coming for them, I told them I’ll just go over and talk to him. Getting up, I slowly strolled over to the last tree I saw his belly sticking out from behind and said morning, how are you. The old sheriff looked very surprised, he came out from behind the tree and ask, what you boys up to. “Just camping I replied “we were camping and fishing and just enjoying the day on the lake”. He straightened up and sternly ask me, “well what about that guy by the tree, he looks dead”. Talking about George the dummy. Breaking out in a laugh, I told him that’s just George the dummy and explained we had used the mannequin to protect our camp. The old sheriff scratched his head, thought for a minute and said, “you know that’s one of the better ideas I’ve heard in quite a while. You boy are pretty smart, stay outta trouble and have a good day” He turned and started back out the road and was gone. We finished our campout without any more trouble and had a great time, caught up on old times together and packed up to go home. Monday George the dummy was back on post at the firing range and now I’ve got a pretty good story to tell about our Dummy Dilemma.
