Danny,
My youngest son left home the day he turned 18 and spent a year couch surfing and doing drugs and alcohol. He was raised right with sound values. I would not and will not compromise our family's values. Neither would his brother, sisters and mother. I made it clear he was responsible for his choices. It was a very frightening time. I see what drugs do to lives every single day. I gave CPR to a guy who overdosed on heroin today. it's painful.
I've read every response and this tremendous insight and wisdom in them. What I, we did was let my son know we would be there for him when he was ready to seek our help, genuinely seek our help. We allowed him back with love but a level of accountability. He had had enough and realized he missed us and our unconditional love for him.
He relapsed twice and we worked with him. The hardest issue was his addiction to pain killers. We've been through it for years. My wife and I finally moved him back in with us and helped him address his addiction and his other mental health issues. I won't lie. It's been difficult and at times exhausting but we refused to enable him, EVER. He's sober, back in school, has a son and is a fantastic father. He has something more important to live for than himself.
I once interviewed a burglary suspect I had arrested numerous times over the years. I told him to be honest with me and I would do everything in my power to get him to treatment even while he was in prison. He told me he didn't want treatment. He told me, " You don't understand Doug, I love it. (heroin) I love how it makes me feel and more than that, I love how it doesn't make me feel." That's a quote, word for word and it hit me like a bucket of crap. Your boy will have to search his own heart and I pray he will seek you out. I know you will be their when he does. I wish he could talk to my boy. Even then, he may not listen but my son would tell him sober is better than on the knod.
Praying for you Danny.