This is going to be a long post, and I'm not confident that I can compose it to where it "flows" properly but I will give it a shot. I am not phsyically disabled, so I don't want to categorize myself with the men who have posted before me, who are going through some very difficult times, trying to just "live" the normal life that they were accustomed to. However, if I can maybe shed some light on PTSD, maybe some of your relatives or friends can be helped. I know there are veterans, active soldiers, emergency medical workers, and maybe even a few other cops on this board, who will enjoy reading this post. My biggest concern is for the hundreds of thousands of troops who will hopefully be returning stateside, that believe me, will be forever and irreversably effected by what they have gone through in Iraq. I'm not quite sure how we as a Nation are going to be able to properly assist these brave veterans.
Now mind you, I'm not comparing myself to the brave fighting soldiers who are or were deployed in the middle east who are engaging in daily patrols and urban warfare. Far from it, but inner city and "ghetto" cops experience many similiar events. As do Paramedics, EMT's, ER personnel, etc who work in high crime or troubled areas.
My case is actually a bit of a landmark case for law enforcement, where the Federal Government has stepped in and changed the provisions required for a diagnosis of PTSD for emergency workers and first responders as it relates to disability retirement.
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder has always been diagnosed as an acute onset "one event" condition. Meaning that the victim of PTSD would have experienced a single event that caused overwhelming stress rendering him/her incapable of performing their duties. This usually applied to Officer involved shootings, near death experiences, murder/torture of children etc. The victim would show an almost immediate set of symptoms soon after experiencing their "event". I have experienced all but one of the listed events, but was not effected profoundly by any of them individually. My troubles were a result of a cumulative effect of having all of these things happen to me over a long (11 years) period of time. Thus explains the new Federal Guidelines put in place to consider the cumulative experiences of an officer for retirement purposes. This was a long medical and legal battle for me. My last day on the department was December 12th 2005. I was just officially granted my retirement on September 29th of this year.
For a time there, being a cop in the ghetto, was certainly ruining my life, marriage, interpersonal relationships, ability to sleep, function normally in society, and I developed a severe alcohol addiction.
I will get into some of my personal experiences. Please don't think I'm bragging. Just telling my story to guys I enjoy sharing with and writing experiences helps my condition greatly. I did nine years as a regular patrol cop (responding to 911 calls for service) and my last two years in the Gun Recovery Unit. As a patrol cop I was the reporting officer on over 70 homicides. (reporting officer is the first car to arrive at the scene) This would entail standing around the crime scene staring at the gruesome body for hours while detectives investigated, crime scene search processed evidence, and finally the one man medical examiner would respond. Requiring the reporting officer to assist with the bagging, wound search of the body, and transportation to the morgue. I can still see many of their dead faces staring back at me in dreams etc. During a vehicle chase, I struck an eight year old kid at about 70 mph. Permanently disabling him and rendering him a virtual vegetable to this day. I have been shot at, attacked with a samurai sword, hit in the head with a toaster, bottles, canned foods etc. I suffered a pretty severe human bite to my right hand which had me on HIV drugs for six months. Almost all foot chases would invariably end with a fight to subdue and arrest the fleeing felon. This resulted in various minor injuries on an almost daily basis. I began to despise the community I was working for and became very brutal in my arrests. If I wanted to fight for a living and share my ground fighting skills, I would MMA fight for UFC or PRIDE, not as a cop making 60,000 a year.
Eventually it all became much too much to bear. The last five years on the job, I would come home, ignore my wife, consume fifteen to tenty beers (every night) and call my cop friend and complain for hours while getting drunk about how much we hated our jobs, the citizens, our lives etc.
I was lucky to have gotten out, and am doing much better. I still suffer from the problem of interrogating people instead of talking to them, and I have an almost consuming hatred of liars. I still suffer a little from social anxiety and hyper-vigilence but am improving every day now that I live a normal life.
Thank you all very much for listening, and I hope I somehow helped someone. I have not had a drink since December 15th 2005 and I was a serious drinker, so if anyone wants to discuss alcohol addiction, PTSD, signs to look for in family members, or how these troops are going to assimilate back into society, please PM me.
Mike
