Hey Clayton, it's been a while buddy. I hope you are doing well.
I've been blessed. My wife and I are on the same page with my son. Even when I on the road working, she is steadfast in our way of discipline. We spank our 4y/o. We also use a mix of talking when we can get away with it.
You in a tough spot. But it is relatively simple. Obviously you two are not made the same way. She is taking the easy rout as a parent and giving in to children. You see the discipline even if it sucks as the parent as an investment; your kids will turn out ok.
To me, unless she makes a serious change in parenting, she is not a compatible mate. Simple as that. You don't want years and tears invested in something that is destined to not be right.
Keep your head up, keep the dialog going, and keep your kids as your first priority
Clayton, you are a good dad. You Will do whatever is best. I got faith it that.