TENNESSEE
THE OWNER OF A GOLF COURSE WAS CONFUSED ABOUT PAYING AN INVOICE,
SO HE DECIDED TO ASK HIS SECRETARY FOR SOME MATHEMATICAL HELP. HE
CALLED HER INTO HIS OFFICE AND SAID, 'YOU GRADUATED FROM THE UNIVERSITY
OF TENNESSEE AND I NEED SOME HELP. IF I WERE TO GIVE YOU $20,000, MINUS
14%, HOW MUCH WOULD YOU TAKE OFF?'
THE SECRETARY THOUGHT A MOMENT, AND THEN REPLIED, 'EVERYTHING
BUT MY EARRINGS.'
ALABAMA
A GROUP OF ALABAMA FRIENDS WENT DEER HUNTING AND PAIRED OFF IN
TWOS FOR THE DAY. THAT NIGHT, ONE OF THE HUNTERS RETURNED ALONE,
STAGGERING UNDER THE WEIGHT OF AN EIGHT-POINT BUCK. 'WHERE'S HENRY?'
THE OTHERS ASKED.
'HENRY HAD A STROKE OF SOME KIND. HE'S A COUPLE OF MILES BACK UP
THE TRAIL,' THE SUCCESSFUL HUNTER REPLIED.
'YOU LEFT HENRY LAYING OUT THERE AND CARRIED THE DEER BACK?'
THEY INQUIRED.
'A TOUGH CALL,' NODDED THE HUNTER. 'BUT I FIGURED NO ONE IS
GOING TO STEAL HENRY!'
TEXAS
THE SHERIFF PULLED UP NEXT TO THE GUY UNLOADING GARBAGE OUT OF
HIS PICK-UP INTO THE DITCH. THE SHERIFF ASKED, "WHY ARE YOU DUMPING
GARBAGE IN THE DITCH? DON'T YOU SEE THAT SIGN RIGHT OVER YOUR HEAD".
"YEP", HE REPLIED. "THAT'S WHY I DUMPING IT HERE, CAUSE IT SAYS 'FINE
FOR DUMPING GARBAGE'.
LOUISIANA
A SENIOR AT LSU WAS OVERHEARD SAYING... 'WHEN THE END OF THE
WORLD COMES, I HOPE TO BE IN LOUISIANA .' WHEN ASKED WHY, HE REPLIED
HE'D RATHER BE IN LOUISIANA BECAUSE EVERYTHING HAPPENS IN LOUISIANA 20
YEARS LATER THAN IN THE REST OF THE CIVILIZED WORLD.
MISSISSIPPI
THE YOUNG MAN FROM MISSISSIPPI CAME RUNNING INTO THE STORE AND
SAID TO HIS BUDDY, 'BUBBA, SOMEBODY JUST STOLE YOUR PICKUP TRUCK FROM
THE PARKING LOT!'
BUBBA REPLIED, 'DID YOU SEE WHO IT WAS?'
THE YOUNG MAN ANSWERED, 'I COULDN'T TELL, BUT I GOT HIS LICENSE
NUMBER.'
GEORGIA
A GEORGIA STATE TROOPER PULLED OVER A PICKUP ON I- 75. THE
TROOPER ASKED, 'GOT ANY I. D.?'
THE DRIVER REPLIED, 'BOUT WHUT?'
NORTH CAROLINA
A MAN IN NORTH CAROLINA HAD A FLAT TIRE, PULLED OFF ON THE SIDE
OF THE ROAD, AND PROCEEDED TO PUT A BOUQUET OF FLOWERS IN FRONT OF THE
CAR AND ONE BEHIND IT.
THEN HE GOT BACK IN THE CAR TO WAIT. A PASSERBY STUDIED THE
SCENE AS HE DROVE BY AND WAS SO CURIOUS HE TURNED AROUND AND WENT BACK.
HE ASKED THE FELLOW WHAT THE PROBLEM WAS.
THE MAN REPLIED, 'I HAVE A FLAT TIRE.'
THE PASSERBY ASKED, 'BUT WHAT'S WITH THE FLOWERS?'
THE MAN RESPONDED, 'WHEN YOU BREAK DOWN THEY TELL YOU TO PUT
FLARES IN THE FRONT AND FLARES IN THE BACK. HEY, IT DON'T MAKE NO SENSE
TO ME NEITHER.'
SOUTH CAROLINA
'YOU CAN SAY WHAT YOU WANT ABOUT THE SOUTH, BUT I AIN'T NEVER
HEARD OF ANYONE WANTING TO RETIRE TO THE NORTH!!