Poor Richard

You gotta love 'em! Come on, troupers, superstitions are fun, part of the spice of life. My favorites: 1. If the fish don't bite, it is because someone in the party had sex the night before. 2. If there is an inexperienced woman angler in the party, she will catch the best and most fish. 3. You must keep the first fish, no matter how small, or the fish gods will punish you with a bad day. 4. You must strive not to strive: a fish bites only when you are not thinking about it biting. 5. Beginner's luck. 6. Always say "one more cast," then make two. This worked once for me. 7. A big bass will remember your face. 8. If fishing is slow, someone must light a pipe upside down. 9. If no one is catching anything, someone in the party is insincere. 10. Always spit on the bait This last one is true. On a hideous day floating the Skagit River, we saw nothing but floating trees, ice floes, and mud pies. As we ran up to rerun one of the few floats available, I declared that we needed to spit on the bait. My colleagues hooted and howled, but I did so spit, and at the end of the drift I caught a very nice 10# buck steelhead. I was hooted some more, of course. We took the drift again, I spat nicely on my bait, and at the end of the run I caught his mate, a fine 10# hen. My colleagues grabbed me, threw me overboard, and I perished in the frigid water. Nonetheless, these were the only two fish that bit that day. I rest my case. Poor Richard says, "Attitude is everything."

Watched impulsive nephew (in his late forties, old enough to know better) fail to resist enticing a snapping turle wih his bass bait. He thought he saw the turtle eat the Rapala, but it turned out to be hooked in the front right foot. Probably when the turtle felt the lure, she tried to wipe it out of her mouth. Nephew maneuvered turtle to the dock, where it was netted, and as it tried to get out of the net, the hook came loose from the foot (paw? claw? hand?) and stuck in the turtle's butt. Now things were very dangerous. Who is the hero? Why, the nephew's older sister, my niece (doh), who at risk of fingers got hold of the lure and snapped it free of the snapper. I am sitting in a boat nearby, unable and unwilling to help, except with this sage advice: "You do know that is one of the more dangerous critters in Michigan, kiddies." doh again. And it was: this was a very old, very big snapping turtle, easily capable of taking away a good chunk of someone's hand. What was weird about this? My nephew, of course! One more: Little Brother (age 65) caught an enormous bowfin right next to the boat. When it hit his lure, it made such a concussion that I got quite wet! It then proceeded to turn the boat (12" Alumacraft) around. We landed and released it--a big ol' cow 'fin she was. Poor Richard says, "There's no free lunch in philosophy, either."

We often get bass just under 2" when bluegill fishing. Also, we release lots of fiesty ones that are just shorter than the Rapala they've bitten. There is a moral here: if bass grew as big as grouper, you couldn't go swimming in your home pond! The tiny percentage of bass that make it to adulthood, let alone lunkerhood, must know that their first rule is to attack, eat, fight fight fight. A really angry 8" bass is a model of aggressive toughness. What a fish. No wonder we love 'em.

Here is what you are up against: a long history of people transporting fishes of all kinds, the end result very often being disaster. I, for one, am more comfortable with the idea of keeping fish in their home waters as much as possible. There must be alternative solutions to the probems said ban will cause. I have personally observed losses in my favorite lake from the introduction of crappies by some nut who thought he could improve things. Now the bass have to fight for every minnow and the bluegills--ours are of sterling quality--are getting crowded away from their territories and diminishing in number. Check out the gold fish around the docks in Missouri impoundments. Have you caught a snakehead fish yet? "Meditation and water are wedded forever."

From, of course, Benjamin Franklin the printer, who may have said, "I must compose myself." Read his ten virtues for true enlightenment. He was the bravest of confidence men and a true inventor, and at one time may have been the most famous living person in the world. He started life with absolutely nothing; where others might have despaired, he saw only unlimited oppportunity. Another of my heroes is Jane Austen, but I didn't sign her name because my reputation for weirdness is already overloaded. Poor Richard says, "Never mind the beauties of nature; get the fish in the boat!"

So the baseball player, while playing his bass guitar, thought he might go bass fishing. He called his friend, the bass in a barbershop quartet, and following their base instincts for finding bass, went out and caught several nice . . . walleyed pike! And how many fish in the world's rivers, lakes, and seas are called perch?

Oh man, we have opened a can of plastic worms this time! 1. When I lived on the Gulf Coast, I discovered that the green trout cohabit the estuarian rivers with speckled trout and white trout, more commonly called weakfish. Anyway, green is closer than black to their actual color. By the way, when "green trout" attain five pounds, they migrate out to salt water, take up residence on the reefs and become giant "black groupers." Oh, well. 2. : But why aren't you worried more about "micropterus"? Probably, the "small fin" tag comes from the specimens that first showed up in Europe, badly preserved or not preserved at all (p.u.). These specimens would have been skins, and the name was given by people looking at bad drawings. (Tomelleri & Eberle, p. 169). And "salmoides"? Well, "salmo" in the root suggest "jumper," and I guess I can buy that! But you can't compare a lusty bass to a wimpy troutoid. 3. When the first platypus arrived at the British Museum from Australia, early in the 19th century, scientists there examined it very closely and publicly declared it to be a fake, even though they could not discover how it had been sewn together. So you just never know. You can't see under the water until you know what's there. Poor Richard says, "a fish in the hand is worth two under the bush and is a lot more slippery, too."

Senile 1 : You've never seen a bass pumping iron? Hmmm. Try a little harder. In our local gym, the pond down the road, they even do fin presses and belly builders. It is inspiring to see older women extending their lives and fitness like this. Almost inspires us senile ones to do the same. The common scale as most bass fishermen apply it is as follows: over 10" = 1 lb. bass over 13" = 2 lb. bass over 15" = 3 lb. bass over 17" = 5 lb. bass over 20" = 7 lb. bass over 22' = state record bass And you should see all the one-pound 9" bluegills the pot fishers get around here. - Poor Richard says, "If it gets away, it can be any size you want."

It is so much easier than y'all think. All our lore can be boiled down to one rule. Poor Richard says, "They're either bitin' or they ain't." Problem solved.

Wow! This is great news. I have been trying to identify these little wagon wheels for most of my 70 years. I seen 'em, I seen 'em! Thanks to the biology gals and guys! Poor Richard says, There's no end to miracles; I'm here, ain't I?

;D I was bank fishing a pond next to a road. I caught a 12" bass that slipped out of my hand and put the Rapala's front hook right through my left little finger. Still attached, the bass flopped and jerked and flipped around yanking on that hook and I was hurting like mad and laughing my head off. People on the road up above me were laughing and pointing. I couldn't find a way to get a hold on the fish. Finally, with the wounded hand, I got the jaw and removed the hook from the bass, though this required more tugging on the hook in my finger. Bass back in the water. Me back on my bicycle. Me pedaling home with the lure dangling from my finger. I fish with barbs pressed down, but I still had to cut the hook off and pull it out the other way. Then off I go to County Health for a nice tetanus shot. But look at the great funny story I got out of it. Heard once about a fisherman on a beach pier in Florida got a 4-ounce jig up his nose when he was standing heedlessly behind a wild and stupid cobia angler. I always wear my glasses with their wonderful safety lenses. They saved my eye in a chain saw massacre, but that's another yarn.... Poor Richard says, They don't bite like they used to and they never did.

Oh yeah, I forgot to mention the REALLY dangerous animals we all will meet no matter where we go. Besides bees and wasps, mentioned above (and if you are allergic, hope you've got your antidote with you), I would remind us of these three: least of the three, but way ahead of most snakes, is the Brown Recluse Spider. I've seen a few people crippled up by one of these nasty ladies, and have heard about many more. Its bite kills a big wad of flesh, and if that wad is in a main muscle, you are in trouble. You don't want one down your pants. Second is the mosquito, of which we have at least nineteen species in Michigan, one for each two weeks spanning early spring, summer, and late fall. A few subtropical diseases are showing up here, and we all know about bird flu. But third and most obvious: "We have met the enemy and he is us," as Pogo so famously said. So watch your backcast and keep your head down. Knew a fellow once got a 4-ounce cobia jig up his nose on the caster's upswing. There, now you all get to keep that image for the rest of your life, too. But these, of course, are the least of our dangerous ways. Tread lightly, sisters and brothers; worship your Mother Earth. Oh, yes: watch out for the ever-present vampire bass. You thought they said "vampire bats," but you misheard. It is "vampire bass." The infection rate among competition bass fishermen is a closely guarded secret. But next time you are out there, be sure to watch to see who does and does not throw a reflection in the water.

Snakes alive! In response to Matt Fly and Toddn 76: Other snakeless places: there aren't supposed to be any poisonous snakes in Washington State WEST OF THE CASCADES. However, EAST of the mountains are some of the meanest rattlers you'll ever see. As for Michigan: we absolutely have only one poisonous snake, the little woods rattler called a massasauga. It is rare and very shy. I once saw a fellow on television who had been bitten over a hundred times. They filmed him trying to get one to bite him--it took him quite a while before succeeding, then afterwards he said he just felt a little sick. Well, some people stick their fingers in the mouths of toothy fishes, too. Now here is the big message: folks up here think we have moccasins. We do not! The farthest north they get is Cairo Illinois. When someone yells moccasin in Michigan, it is invariably just our little natrix, the common northern water snake. Sometimes it is the Kirtland water snake, which is endangered. I have been assured by a friend that he has seen a copperhead; if so, it was somebody's pet. I lived a long time in Pensacola, where very serious snakes live even on the university campus and in neighborhood holding ponds. Now here is the big trouble: You just NEVER KNOW. In one neighborhood, a man called the sheriff and said, "You'll probably think I am crazy, but I just saw a cobra." He was not crazy. This seven footer had gotten away from a collector, who was given a stern warning by the judge. Two weeks later a man called in and said, "My dog is out in the cul-de-sac hassling with a boa constrictor." By now, of course, everyone was clued in. This was an eight-footer and put an end to the collector's hobby once and for all. Then, of course, there is South Florida . . . . I admit I would shoot a cottonmouth first and chat with him later. But the rest of the snakes should be left alone: they are useful, fascinating, and important in the big sense that the more wildlife we kill off, the weaker we become as a species. :'( ------------------------ "Life is hell, nature is a meatgrinder, we are a mean and pitiful species, and God is dead. I couldn't be happier; this is my kind of place," says Poor Richard's grumpy alter ego. Poor guy needs to go bass fishing, and soon! :

:-/ I am a great fan of mashing down the barbs. It's saved a lot of fish and reduced the damage on at least two incidents of self-hooking, one of mine and one of a nephew's. You will lose a few more fish, but if you c&r, so what? Not recommended for competition, of course. By the way, the true quotation about teaching someone to fish is: "If you give a man a fish, he will feed his family if you have already cleaned it; if you teach him to fish, they will never see him again." And don't forget, the 10% of the anglers who catch 90% of the fish do 90% of the fishing. So says Poor Richard.

[smiley=cry.gif Right: they are harmless, and the old guys used to say they'll "cook out." These li'l bugs are common to virtually all inland lakes throughout the upper Midwest, and elsewhere, too. You seldom see a bluegill that has none. Michigan DNR has more good info on them for you. I tend to discard a filet that is loaded with them, just because it's ugly. Other than that, no sweat. They are natural citizens, though the fact that people release snails into our ponds has not helped: snails are one of the vectors. Around here, their numbers in fish seem to decrease as summer wanes. But there is a really easy solution for bg: release your bass! If you've got walleyes, there's no reason to eat a smallmouth (though some lakes produce very tasty ones, I'll admit). However, black spot should show up in your walleyes, too. You may also find a larger, yellow one. It, too, is judged harmless, but we nip those out. They are alive; if you look close, you will see them move! Ooky, ooky. Ever step on a slug in your bare feet? Pleasant dreams, fishin' friends. You don't want to know too much about parasites, especially since they comprise more than half the species on earth. I figure the little black spot guys to be the seeds of the aliens who walk among us. Oooky. Besides, who isn't a parasite?