Bammer
We all need to vent from time to time. You've been through a lot, esp. at your age, and your frustration is understandable. I often share your frustration. Over the last couple of years I've had heart related problems that have resulted in the loss of my job, and severely restricted my activities. A pacemaker, many tests and procedures, and too many dollars to think about later, I am still having the problems. Your post touched me. I understand the guilt and frustration that goes with not being able to do the things that you want to do, and that need to be done.
It is my relationship with Jesus Christ that has sustained me through this. It is the knowledge that He is with me in all the circumstances of my life, that He is sovereign, and that he loves me with an everlasting love that gets me through. My family, including my church family, has been there to help and encourage me, and remind me that I am not alone. It is my prayer that He will give you peace through this, and touch you with His healing hand.
I don't know what your religious beliefs are, and if they are different than mine I mean no offense. Know that you will be in my thoughts and prayers. PM me if you want to talk further.
Kirby