You and I both know the best way...
Hit up Fourbizz on AIM. He will whine and complain non-stop about his life, his girl, what he is currently eating and drinking, his job, how he found a chocolate chip in his chocolate-chipless cookies.... You name it, he has an issue. I'm usually asleep in 3-4 minutes depending on the day he has had and whether or not the girl is at his place or at work.