People Change: Even Best Friends (Need Advice)

[Floridabassking352]

I don't like making personal posts on the forum that don't have to do with fishing, but I can't stop thinking about this one incident and it keeps bothering me. One of my best friends just became a Marine a few months ago. He's gone through boot camp and had a couple more months of other training. Being that he's on leave right now, he had a party at his place with a few of our friends and we were drinking of course. I brought my nice Ovation acoustic guitar over to play at the request of my friends. I've done it in the past without any trouble but this time was different. I was playing a song and all of a sudden he spills a crapload of beer on my $800 Ovation (on accident) and a lot of it went inside the guitar. I got mad and said what the *#@% and immediately started drying it and I stormed out and told him to please get my case so I could put it away. He totally flipped out and my friends had to restrain him from fighting me. I went to my car and got in to chill out and he grabs my door to prevent me closing it after I told him several times to let go of my car door. We talked it out a few minutes later and he started telling me I need to think before I act and that I have no authority to "give him an order" and that it took all of his strength not to deck me. He tried to tell me that he's gone through all this stuff that I will never go through to guilt trip me into thinking I'm wrong and that me getting beer spilled on a guitar is nothing compared to Marine boot camp. Then my other friend jumped in and tried to guilt trip me as well by saying his uncle committed suicide and having beer spilled on my guitar is nothing compared to that. I'm still incredibly mad about this. I mean come on, when someone spills beer on an $800 guitar, don't you think they have a right to get mad? It can warp the wood or mess the electronics up (it's acoustic/electric). Expensive instruments are nothing to be goofed around with. It's not like I cussed him out and tried to fight him, I even said I wasn't trying to disrespect him. All I did was be a normal human get mad and react and he's mad because "I snapped at him." Eeventually I ended up driving home drunk, which was not smart. My friend tried to stop my car by jumping in front because he didn't want me driving but I went around. I just wanted to go home and clean and dry my guitar out. Now neither one of them will talk to me and I feel like my two best friends aren't friends with me anymore. Do you guys think I overreacted? I honestly feel that my Marine friend was the one who needed to chill out and my other friend had no business getting involved as he had nothing to do with it. I don't know how to resolve this issue now other than to wait a couple days and discuss it again later. It just goes to show that even your best friends can change and I expected him to be different but I never imagined this happening. The whole thing is stupid but I don't think we're friends anymore. Any advice or words of wisdom?

[Tin]

All three of you were wrong, and the booze didn't help the situation either. Give everything a little while to cool down then go about the talking things out bit. If that doesn't work, well then you don't need people like that in your life.

[tallydude]

Hmm. That's a tough one. I kind of always thought that there was never an excuse to be an a__hole. So what if this guy went to Boot Camp? That's supposed to instill discipline. So what if this guy's uncle offed himself. My father in law killed himself last month and I'm not out acting like a jerk because of it.

I'd hit the guy with the bill to have your guitar cleaned/replaced. Your friend or not, a man needs to be accountable for his actions. If he's not willing to remedy a situation he caused, this guy is bad news and you probably want to distance yourself from people like that.

I understand he's been your friend for a long time, but when people start negatively affecting my life, I move on. You might want to consider the same.

Either way, it sounds like you have a difficult decision ahead and for that, I don't *** you.

Hope it works out.

[fourbizz]

Yes you should have been piszed. SOME.

Guilt trips infuriate me more than just about anything. If you cant win an argument without a guilt trip, you are probably wrong.

Now, for the other side. You took an $800 guitar to a party. Come on. Bunch of guys drinking and tearing it up. You dont think that the probability of it getting messed up was pretty good? Drunk people spill beer.

I've gotten into physical fights with my best friend. We've always come out even stronger friends than we were going in.

I snap at my friends sometimes. It happens. But the last time somebody freaked out on me for an ACCIDENT, I got mad about it. Your initial reaction to doing something like that, spilling the beer, is to feel horrible. But when the person over reacts and starts yelling and screaming, I stop feeling bad and start getting mad. It was an accident.

If he cant realize why you were pizzed, then he's wrong. If you cant realize that a high end instrument probably doesnt belong at a kegger, and you probably overreacted to an action that wasnt intentional, then you are probably wrong.

I'd way rather have one of my prized possessions wiped out by a drunken accident, then my family members side swiped by a drunk driver.

[burleytog]

Hug it out ___________ !

[Bass XL]

Here's my advise: Don't drink and drive. You could of had far worse problems on your hands that night. You could have crashed into someones car killing somebody's mother, grandfather, sister, or child. Now how would you like to have that on your conscious?

[Low_Budget_Hooker]

All three of you were wrong, and the booze didn't help the situation either. Give everything a little while to cool down then go about the talking things out bit. If that doesn't work, well then you don't need people like that in your life.

I agree fully with Mike here.

Granted, he is probably RACKED with stress right now and the booze didn't help but if his opinion is the same after a little time, sobering, and heart to heart discussion....it may not be worth saving.  Sad, but as your title suggests,....people DO change.

[CFFF 1.5]

Rule #1 Don't Bring an $800 guitar to play at a party, sooner or later something is going to happen to it. Alcohol makes people act different, wait a day or so and see what is up then. Just tell them let's forget that night and move on.

[frogtog]

That's what friends are for.

[cart7t]

1. You overreacted. You took a very expensive guitar to a booze party and somebody ACCIDENTLY spilled beer on it. It happens.

2. You got way over torqued over an accident. Yep, beer on a guitar isn't a good thing but this guy is your best friend and obviously didn't intentionally mean to do this.

3. Booze and a guy just out of Marine basic training don't mix well. Yes, he's probably changed a little. They don't teach gardening or crocheting there.  He's spent the past few months learning the Marine way to resolve conflicts... with a bayonet or the business end of an M16. He's still a little "keyed" up, turning that off takes a bit.

4. Apologize to the guy for going off the deep end. In the end it'll all be alright.

[Muddy]

I threw a brand new Cabelas Prodigy Fish Eagle II combo off my boat this year. A month later my best friend was fishing the same spot with me and threw it's twin over into the lake. He's my best friend, I had done the same thing, my response Well at least they are at rest together!

Why: He's my closest friend, we have been through a lot together and I let him use it in the first place, why make a bad situation worse.

 We both don't drink, but had we been drinking that may have ended ugly also;

 When you are both sober you need to own up to the fact that bringing an Ovation to a beer party was your responsibility and choice , not his.You only can make amends for your part in it, you can't fix his end, that's his responsibility

[Dan:]

But the last time somebody freaked out on me for an ACCIDENT, I got mad about it. Your initial reaction to doing something like that, spilling the beer, is to feel horrible. But when the person over reacts and starts yelling and screaming, I stop feeling bad and start getting mad. It was an accident.

Exactly. People feel bad when they do something on accident, but it's easy to change from feeling bad to getting defensive and angry when the other person makes a big deal out of it. I am horrible with that. I am always trying to keep myself from getting defensive when I do something wrong. It takes a lot of wisdom and patience to be able to keep from getting angry in those situations.

Don't be angry at your friend, it was an accident. Even if he was being dumb, it was an accident. He shouldn't have guilt tripped you, but you should just tell him that you were upset and things got out of hand.

[Floridabassking352]

1. You overreacted. You took a very expensive guitar to a booze party and somebody ACCIDENTLY spilled beer on it. It happens.

2. You got way over torqued over an accident. Yep, beer on a guitar isn't a good thing but this guy is your best friend and obviously didn't intentionally mean to do this.

3. Booze and a guy just out of Marine basic training don't mix well. Yes, he's probably changed a little. They don't teach gardening or crocheting there. He's spent the past few months learning the Marine way to resolve conflicts... with a bayonet or the business end of an M16. He's still a little "keyed" up, turning that off takes a bit.

4. Apologize to the guy for going off the deep end. In the end it'll all be alright.

I don't see how you can possibly say I'm the one that went off the deep end. That's exactly what everyone else said, and that's incorrect. The only thing I did was get mad and and leave and ask him to get my case. He's the one that tried to fight me. I didn't confront him or cuss him out or try to fight him or even yell. The problem is that people who don't play an insrument just don't get it. Musicians are very picky about their equipment. One of my friends I've known for years who I'm starting a band with won't even let me touch his guitar. Ask any musician how they would react if someone spilled beer in their guitar and they would all be ticked. Granted, I should not have played it in that situation but I've done it countless times in the past without any issues. I certainly won't bring it around alcohol ever again. But honestly, I did not overreact, I merely got mad and asked him to get my case. I don't see how anyone can say that me getting mad because he spilled beer inside my expensive guitar means I'm the one that overreacted. It's a natural human response to get upset in that situation. The guy tried to fight me! Who the hell tries to fight someone after they spilled beer in a guitar and the other guy got mad? That's totally backwards. He shoulda just said sorry but instead he wanted to fight. Just because someone becomes a Marine doesn't make them an invincible badass. I had every right to get mad when something like that happens, and I even told him a few minutes later that I wasn't mad anymore and that accidents happen and I understand that.

[preach4bass]

I don't see how you can possibly say I'm the one that went off the deep end. That's exactly what everyone else said, and that's incorrect.

Here is my advice to you:

1.  Don't ask our advice if you don't want to hear it.

2.  When you decide that "everyone else" is wrong, you're probably the only one who is.

3.  Leave the alcohol alone.  You have proved you can't handle it.

4.  Quit being a baby.

I hope you and your friends can work this mess out.

[cart7t]

1. You overreacted. You took a very expensive guitar to a booze party and somebody ACCIDENTLY spilled beer on it. It happens.

2. You got way over torqued over an accident. Yep, beer on a guitar isn't a good thing but this guy is your best friend and obviously didn't intentionally mean to do this.

3. Booze and a guy just out of Marine basic training don't mix well. Yes, he's probably changed a little. They don't teach gardening or crocheting there. He's spent the past few months learning the Marine way to resolve conflicts... with a bayonet or the business end of an M16. He's still a little "keyed" up, turning that off takes a bit.

4. Apologize to the guy for going off the deep end. In the end it'll all be alright.

I don't see how you can possibly say I'm the one that went off the deep end. That's exactly what everyone else said, and that's incorrect. The only thing I did was get mad and and leave and ask him to get my case. He's the one that tried to fight me. I didn't confront him or cuss him out or try to fight him or even yell. The problem is that people who don't play an insrument just don't get it. Musicians are very picky about their equipment. One of my friends I've known for years who I'm starting a band with won't even let me touch his guitar. Ask any musician how they would react if someone spilled beer in their guitar and they would all be ticked. Granted, I should not have played it in that situation but I've done it countless times in the past without any issues. I certainly won't bring it around alcohol ever again. But honestly, I did not overreact, I merely got mad and asked him to get my case. I don't see how anyone can say that me getting mad because he spilled beer inside my expensive guitar means I'm the one that overreacted. It's a natural human response to get upset in that situation. The guy tried to fight me! Who the hell tries to fight someone after they spilled beer in a guitar and the other guy got mad? That's totally backwards. He shoulda just said sorry but instead he wanted to fight. Just because someone becomes a Marine doesn't make them an invincible badass. I had every right to get mad when something like that happens, and I even told him a few minutes later that I wasn't mad anymore and that accidents happen and I understand that.

You said in your initial post

I got mad and said what the *#@% and immediately started drying it and I stormed out and told him to please get my case so I could put it away.

I'll try and be nice. You over reacted and acted like a baby.

I mean come on, when someone spills beer on an $800 guitar, don't you think they have a right to get mad? It can warp the wood or mess the electronics up (it's acoustic/electric). Expensive instruments are nothing to be goofed around with.

I'd be mad alright, mad at myself for bringing it to a drinking party. crap happens.

All I did was be a normal human get mad and react and he's mad because "I snapped at him."

Your initial description of how you reacted sounded "drama queenish".

It's a guitar, it can be fixed. Friendships aren't so easy to mend.

Eventually I ended up driving home drunk, which was not smart.

So you WERE drunk. Not only were you drunk but you admit to making the wrong decision and driving home that way. Sounds like a series of mistakes. Booze does that. Holding a grudge against someone for something said under the influence is petty. He obviously wasn't in his right mind and neither were you. Get over it.

It just goes to show that even your best friends can change and I expected him to be different but I never imagined this happening.

He was supposed to act differently how to your over reaction?

Throw himself at your feet and beg forgiveness? I can imagine there was a hint of disrespect in your voice as you were ranting. I'm sure he picked up on it and took it as such. Remember, you and he were drunk. The rules of human behavior get tossed out the door when you are.

[mattm]

1.  Don't ask our advice if you don't want to hear it.

Very good advice.  

He might of went over the top with the guilt trip.  He is no more special than you for going to boot camp, but there is noway around the fact you started this.  A FRIEND accidentally spilled beer on your guitar and you cussed at him, and stormed out of the room to clean it.  

[KU_Bassmaster.]

My opinion ...

Yes you had every right to get mad or upset. I mean crap!! There is beer in one of your most prized possessions!!!! I think anyone with a pulse would have the same reaction.

At the same time, it was an accident so you can't really get upset at that person. Especially a "best friend". If he truly was a "best friend" he was probably putting a huge guilt trip on himself. Put yourself in his shoes. How would you feel if you potentially ruined your best friend's guitar?

And as everyone else said, you assumed the risk of bringing the guitar to the party. You had to see that there was a chance at this happening. That's on you.

I don't know the whole context of the story, but after the incident happened I am picturing the kid from back in the day that got upset and says "I am taking my ball and going home". As Dan said, that probably is what triggered your friend from feeling bad to getting defensive and angry.

As for your friend, if he was feeling no remorse for the whole situation (even if it was an accident) ... yeah I would be pretty ticked about that. And his whole guilt trip and wanting to fight you is ridiculous.

[Floridabassking352]

After the incident, I picked up my guitar and walked away because that's the smart thing to do when everyone's been drinking if you want to avoid getting physical. I needed to take the strings off and get my guitar dried ASAP, as at the moment that was my main concern, to make sure that I cleaned it up before it could do any damage. It is clear that a lot of people still don't get it, and that's fine. When you are a musician and someone does something that could potentially damage your instrument, whether it's intentional or an accident, you will understand and I guarantee that you won't be able to help getting a little bit angry. If you wouldn't get mad, then my hat's off to you. I wouldn't really have given a crap if it was inexpensive, but the more expensive equipment is, the more expensive it is to fix. At the time, I was concerned it might be damaged. Aside from that, I guess the moral of this story is that alcohol affects the judgement of people and can turn an otherwise harmless situation into a big deal, and I need to understand this and chill out next time and try to not to let my temper flare. Usually tempers and alcohol don't mix. I guess I can't really say that I'm right and they're wrong, and they can't say that either because all three of us reacted a little bit immature, and three wrongs don't make a right. I appreciate all of the advice guys. I realize that I may have been too quick to pull the trigger and I will keep this in mind in the future and let my friends know. Thanks. I'll let you know how it turns out.

[frogtog]

Always remember as we get older in life the guitar can be replaced.

[Muddy]

1. You overreacted. You took a very expensive guitar to a booze party and somebody ACCIDENTLY spilled beer on it. It happens.

2. You got way over torqued over an accident. Yep, beer on a guitar isn't a good thing but this guy is your best friend and obviously didn't intentionally mean to do this.

3. Booze and a guy just out of Marine basic training don't mix well. Yes, he's probably changed a little. They don't teach gardening or crocheting there. He's spent the past few months learning the Marine way to resolve conflicts... with a bayonet or the business end of an M16. He's still a little "keyed" up, turning that off takes a bit.

4. Apologize to the guy for going off the deep end. In the end it'll all be alright.

I don't see how you can possibly say I'm the one that went off the deep end. That's exactly what everyone else said, and that's incorrect. The only thing I did was get mad and and leave and ask him to get my case. He's the one that tried to fight me. I didn't confront him or cuss him out or try to fight him or even yell. The problem is that people who don't play an instrument just don't get it. Musicians are very picky about their equipment. One of my friends I've known for years who I'm starting a band with won't even let me touch his guitar. Ask any musician how they would react if someone spilled beer in their guitar and they would all be ticked. Granted, I should not have played it in that situation but I've done it countless times in the past without any issues. I certainly won't bring it around alcohol ever again. But honestly, I did not overreact, I merely got mad and asked him to get my case. I don't see how anyone can say that me getting mad because he spilled beer inside my expensive guitar means I'm the one that overreacted. It's a natural human response to get upset in that situation. The guy tried to fight me! Who the hell tries to fight someone after they spilled beer in a guitar and the other guy got mad? That's totally backwards. He shoulda just said sorry but instead he wanted to fight. Just because someone becomes a Marine doesn't make them an invincible badass. I had every right to get mad when something like that happens, and I even told him a few minutes later that I wasn't mad anymore and that accidents happen and I understand that.

 I do understand about instruments. I had a 1964 Pearl Grey/mint condition Ludwig Drum kit, all through the 60's and 70's. I chose one day to bring them on a side gig where there were some bikers at a party on the Lake Front in New Orleans,. It's a long story but my bass drum got a .38 slug through it, no one was hurt but the drum was severely damaged.

 Our guitar player picked me up for the gig and knew I had a few other kit.s and suggested I bring another, bottom line my choice, my fault.

 I never let my stuff own me, when stuff becomes more important than people I need to look at things, I NEVER LET MY STUFF GET THAT IMPORTANT.

 Perhaps if many are telling you that you overreacted you may want to listen, or you may want to find some other Mook to co sign bad behavior on your part. I do not think you will find any co signors around here.

[Dan:]

It's not like the rest of us don't understand valued possessions. We have a different perspective on the situation. You asked for advice, we told you what we think.

[Floridabassking352]

I find it hard to believe that snapping at someone because they spilled something on a guitar is worse behaviour than trying to fight someone or guilt tripping them, and that seems to be the general consensus here. I have never tried to fight one of my friends before. Oh my God! He snapped at me! Gee, I think that calls for me beating the crap out of him. Where is the logic in that?

[roadwarrior]

Don't ask our advice if you don't want to hear it.

Goodnight Irene.

-Kent  a.k.a. roadwarrior

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