Spanking our children

[fishfordollars]

Looks like the government and the great state of Mass. will soon be passing a law against spanking our children. What are we coming to? Your thoughts

My thoughts:

Spanking:              YES

Beating:                 NO

[grimlin]

You don't want to know my thoughts.It'll turn the wrong way.But to make it short why do you think kids are the way kids are nowadays getting away with everything?lack of discipline?I think so....

I'm old fashion...i spank.

[Jake P]

Im not a father so i cant relate to how you guys feel but i remember growin up my dad would whip out the belt when i messed up and my mom would smack me for having a smart mouth and i think that it helped me grow up quicker and not get into as much trouble as alot of kids do. Personally i think it should be allowed. Telling a kid not to do something isnt gonna do all that much but if they know that a but whoopin is coming they will deffinatley think twice before doing something they shouldn't.

[MattStrykul]

I was spanked when I was a kid, but I really had to mess up. I definetly think it disciplines kids, concidering that my parents never spanked my littlest sibling and truthfully, she has the smartest mouth of anyone and is always mouthing off. Theres .02 cents from a youngin.  ;D

[Guest muddy]

You don't want to know my thoughts.It'll turn the wrong way.But to make it short why do you think kids are the way kids are nowadays getting away with everything?lack of discipline?I think so....

I'm old fashion...i spank.

I have never put a hand on my daughter. She is respectful, doing great in her 2nd year at  College and is a wonderful young adult.

[Guest avid]

In all honesty, I have mixed feelings about spanking your children.

But I have no problem if you spank your monkey.  :-/

[Big T]

The problem with society is that we give kids too much imput. For example I use to work at Toys-R-US when I was in college and I would see kids grab stuff or start acting wild and the parent(s) would say something like Johnny don't you think it would be a good idea if we put that up or some crap like that. Don't ask them to do something, tell them. And another thing I hate is timeout, that only gives them time to think about what they are going to get into next. I did not get many spankings growing up, I probably got less than 4 or 5 in my entire youth. I had to really mess up to get one. It starts when they are toddlers and learning respect, which is something I do not think many kids have these days. Sorry for such a long post, but that is my opinion and everyone has one when it comes to raising children.

Big T

[roadwarrior]

My "kids" are almost grown... :'(

My son is starting medical school, my daughter, the "smart one", is a freshman in college. Maybe my wife and I "got lucky", but here are my thoughts, short and sweet:

Be a father, not a friend.

[Catt]

I'm the proud father of 6 kids (4 boys & 2 girls) and each one is different therefore each must be disciplined differently. With my youngest daughter I could talk to her and that was worse than a whipping, while my second to the youngest son I had to constantly ride with belt in hand. I will tell y'all this, while you may think they do no evil you'll be surprised when that get old enough to tell you truthfully the things they got away with.

When God created your child in placed a nerve that runs from their butt to their brain and it works  

[dave]

    I think what the government tries to prevent is abuse.  Spanking is not abuse.  Unfortunately there are many parents/adults that go to far.  It is in the news almost everyday.  It was mentioned in the Washington Post yesterday in an article about the coverage of the death of Shawn Taylor,  a 2 year old girl was beaten to death.  It was buried in the new and got very little attention. :'(

    I grew up with friends and family whose father used the belt for every offense large or small.  It did very little to keep them from getting in trouble.  Only to make them slicker about not getting caught.  

[TopDog]

My dad would spank me when I was young and I turned out ok.  I have 2 kids now a 6 year old and a 4 year old. I dont need to spank, I just have to give them "that" look and Tone of voice.  Im surprised at how polite and well behaved my kids are most of the time.  Once they get out of hand Out comes that tone and look. Right back to behaving.

Spanking...Yes

Beating and abusing....NO

The problem as stated above is that we have become to liberal.

[flechero]

Spanking is not abuse.

It's sad that so many people can't see the difference.  

I was spanked and when needed, the belt came out.  I honestly don't remember one unfair spanking or belt use on me or my brothers.  We needed it.  We are all better for it...  we would probably all be in prison if Dad hadn't cared and loved us enough enough to do whatever worked... in our cases spanking was the answer.  We were hellions- spanking or the belt were just about the only things that scared us.   Time out and all the "negotiations" are fine if they work (they didn't with any of us) but a lot of the boys I know and see can use a little correction to the butt now and then.  

[KYbass1276]

I got a few swats in school and by my parents and I'm glad I did.  I worked at a juvenile prison for boys.  To make things short I will let you guess why they got into trouble so much and was placed there.  The majority of them could have been corrected very early on in life if they just had a good spankin.   While some on a sad note got more then spankings and couldn't take it anymore and breaking the law and being sent there was there only way out.     Spankings yes   obviously beating no

[Raul]

I admit I have spanked my kid twice in his almost 5 years of age, but man he really asked for it and  was more a simbolic gesture than actual beating, how hard the blow can be when he had his rear en protected by a 2 inch thick diaper ?

[SPEEDBEAD.]

It only took a few swings from my mother's paddle to realize I was doing something wrong.

I hark back to some of those memories when I am faced with a moral dilemma. I still think it helps me make the right choice.

I am 100% in agreeance with Catt.  While I do not have any kids yet, I have had a couple years experience working with kids.  Each child's punishment / reward system needs to be tailored to their individual needs.  Honestly, the only way to determine this is trial and error.

Once you find what works, you will just know.

Like I said....I know I didnt like the feel of that old paddle, still with me to this day and I am DEFINITELY A BETTER MAN BECAUSE OF IT.

I thank my mother for all I have been given, whippin' included.

Wayne

[Alpster]

Be a father, not a friend.

AMEN!! Most parents don't get this. My oldest daughter is graduating from Rutgers this month "Phi Theta Kappa" honor society. She is a black belt in Karate and a national champion in the CBBA. My youngest is an honor student in HS, secretary of her class, manages the HS vocal group, leads her youth group at church. They lost their mother to brain cancer 6 years ago this month. Both of them got a spanking when they needed it, they just didn't need it very often. Both would tell you without hesitation that they always new where the boundaries were and exactly what to expect if they crossed them.

It's the dimwits who can't descern discipline from abuse and those that expect the government to raise their kids that invite big brother into your home to tell you how to live. Next you will not be allowed to insult them or judge their behaviour on any level. I for one, am glad my kids are nearly grown, and I am also thankful for the values they will pass to their kids (my grandkids). I won't be surprised at all to see their kids as successful as they are. JMHO

Ronnie

[Low_Budget_Hooker]

It only took a few swings from my mother's paddle to realize I was doing something wrong.

I hark back to some of those memories when I am faced with a moral dilemma. I still think it helps me make the right choice.

I am 100% in agreeance with Catt.  While I do not have any kids yet, I have had a couple years experience working with kids.  Each child's punishment / reward system needs to be tailored to their individual needs.  Honestly, the only way to determine this is trial and error.

Once you find what works, you will just know.

Like I said....I know I didnt like the feel of that old paddle, still with me to this day and I am DEFINITELY A BETTER MAN BECAUSE OF IT.

I thank my mother for all I have been given, whippin' included.

Wayne

same here.  Something to think about is, when we got the paddle as kids, what did we feel?  GUILT!!  We KNOW mom/dad didn't WANT to do that.  I remember the words,..."this is gonna hurt me more than it's gonna hurt you" and although my thoughts at the time were "yea, right!"..... now that I'm older, I fully understand and am appreciative of the lesson.

Now, every family is different, abuse is a whole different can of worms but when it comes to lessons necessary to get through life, I'm all for it.

[grimlin]

You don't want to know my thoughts.It'll turn the wrong way.But to make it short why do you think kids are the way kids are nowadays getting away with everything?lack of discipline?I think so....

I'm old fashion...i spank.

I have never put a hand on my daughter. She is respectful, doing great in her 2nd year at  College and is a wonderful young adult.

You got the rare one muddy,there's not many like that anymore.Not saying all kids need a beating,like somebody mentioned every kid is different.Me growing up i got grounded one or twice and spanked maybe 2 times.I was pretty good growing up as well.My mom says i'm the best one out of her bunch.

There is a fine line between spanking and abuse,i've seen friends come out with belt welts.I'd never go that far.

I agree with be a father not a friend....just about all my friends parents are like that(friends instead of parents first)....boy are those kids messed up in the head.One of my friends once told me i wish i had your parents and just maybe i wouldn't have gooten into so much trouble.That was probably the saddest thing i've ever heard come out of his mouth.

[SPEEDBEAD.]

Ronnie, one of your points stands out to me.

EXPECTATIONS!!!!

It is nearly impossible for a child to know what is expected of them unless these guidelines are clearly stated at an early age and they are set in stone.

If you dont allow certain behaviors sometimes but turn around and are not consistent with reprimanding the same behaviors at other times, you end up with a confused child who will likely not know which way is up.

Clear expectations and consistency are very important to me.

Good point sir.

[Zel]

I agree with the statements that punishment must be tailored to what works with each individual child and should never be abusive.  I've been lucky in that I've very seldom had to use spanking as punishment on my children, and my kids are good and respectful.  As a matter of fact, more often than not a spanking was used to equate a particular action to a resulting danger, such as the child reaching for the burner on the stove.  My dilemma has always been having to figure out just the right amount of spank as to not have it appear as a joke to the child.

Off subject, but there are a couple of things I have found out about children:  

If you have trouble getting your children's attention, just sit down and look comfortable.

Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said.

You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance.

[RobbyZ5001]

I think spanking is best if the adult comes across calm and collected. The child gets the idea that it is a form a punishment. If your an adult and you come at your child in rage and anger I dont think that spanking would be appropriate. I think the child then thinks that your hitting him and taking your aggression out which could lead to bad things.

[Fisher of Men]

I teach 7th and 8th grade students. I used to use corporal punsishment in the past (I used to be a vo-ag/shop teacher), but I no longer use it as an option, even though our school district still allows it (I don't feel that I need to). I do have to admit, some of our kids could have used a "bustin' in the britches" alot more often than they got (if at all). The important thing is to institute a discipline plan early on (toddler years) and be CONSISTENT. Each kid is different and all methods don't work on all children. YES, I spank my daughter, although not very often. We only use it as a LAST resort, when all other methods have failed.

Russ is right. When I was little, I never believed that it "hurt them more than you", but now I know it absolutely breaks my heart  to spank her.

Robby, you make good points about being calm. I also might add that you need to explain to your child what they did and why it is wrong.

Spanking- all for it.

Abuse- no.

[FishingBuds]

A punishment needs to fit the crime, I spanked my son when he was 6 for throwing a rock at his 4 year old sister and hit her next to her eye. I did not spank him when he shut the door on her fingers when he was 4.

I spanked mt daughter when she was 5 for bitting my son and drawing blood, I did not spank her when she was 6 for popping his birthday ballon on purpose.

All others deserve firm parenting talks that puts the fear of God in them.

I understand your carefull approaches on spanking but, I believe the worse thing you can do is redicule your kids, cuss them and down talk them-verbally abuse them. To me that is not a parent  >

I have no respect for anyone that cusses thier own child as if it was a stranger.

[clipper]

I think children have to learn that there are consequences to their actions, good and bad :'(. If parents don't teach that to their children, a judge will get to try when they are grown. How to accomplish that varies with the child as has been pointed out above. In addition to appropriate discipline, children need love and attention(time with their parents). They also need parents who respect and love each other. Watch your children and see if they don't treat their mother the way you do and treat you the way your wife does. They also need to GO FISHIN' and going to church doesn't hurt either. My thoughts on the subject.

[KYbass1276]

When I worked at a boys prison some of the stories I heard them kids talk  almost made me sick.   Every sunday was visiting day and one kid never got a visit from his family  the whole time that he had been there.  Some how we got to talking why he never had a visit from his family, I thought and I said to him was it because it was his family lived 200+ miles away.  He said no even if it was two miles away they wouldn't come.   He said they could care less as far as they are concearned he was one less mouth to feed.    

The kids were supposed to tell us there life stories as a part of the program.  One that I remember well is a boy was in there for kidnapping a girl at his school and holding here at gunpoint.    I asked why.  He said he had to get away from his parents.  Of course I asked why and he begin to tell me how his parents would beat him with there sex toys and lock him in the closet for hours at a time.   He said I always got beat.    Well being that he said they beat him with sex toys I really didn't beleve him,  because they do lie to get atten and he laughed a little telling the story.  So after checking into it myself I found out he was telling the truth and he even held back on some things.  His worthless parents would lock him outide and wouldn't let him in didn't matter what kind of weather.   Sorry to say alot of kids there was there because there parents just plain didn't care.   Some was there because they seen a way out from their abusive parents.   In fact they would act up and get in trouble just so they would have  to stay until they was 18 so they wouldn't have to go back..      I just thought I would share what some kids go through out there.   I know it's a little off topic   Some kids have really bad out there.   I think discipline  them when needed and being fair and honest goes along way with kids.  The kids I worked with had none off this