Kids!

[papajoe222]

My attempt to revive the joke thread:

As I was packing for a business trip, my three year old sat on the edge of my bed, joyfully playing by herself. After a short, quiet spell, she turned to me and exclaimed as she held up two fingers: "Look daddy!"

In an attempt to keep her occupied, I replied: "Dady is going to eat those little fingers" and put her fingers in my mouth. I left the room to get some grooming items to pack and upon my return, my daughter sat bewildered, looking at her hand. 

"What's the matter, honey?" I asked her

Still staring blankly at her fingers, she replied: "What happened to my bugger?"

[Oregon Native]

Protein!!!  Have a safe trip/

[Catch and Grease]

A man is driving down the road and breaks down near a monastery. He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, “My car broke down. Do you think I could stay the night?” The monk graciously accepts him, feeds him dinner, and even fixes his car. As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a strange sound. The next morning, he asks the monks what the sound was, but they say, “We can’t tell you. You’re not a monk.” The man is disappointed but thanks them anyway and goes about his merry way. Some years later, the same man breaks down in front of the same monastery. The monk accepts him, feeds him, and even fixes his car. That night, he hears the same strange noise that he had heard years earlier. The next morning, he asks what it is, but the monks reply, “We can’t tell you. You’re not a monk.” The man says, “All right, all right. I’m dying to know. If the only way I can find out what that sound was is to become a monk, how do I become a monk?” The monk reply, “You must travel the earth and tell us how many blades of grass there are and the exact number of sand pebbles. When you find these numbers, you will become a monk.” The man sets about his task. Forty-five years later, he returns and knocks on the door of the monastery. He says, “I have traveled the earth and have found what you have asked for. There are 145,236,284,232 blades of grass and 231,281,219,999,129,382 sand pebbles on the earth.” The monk reply, “Congratulations. You are now a monk. We shall now show you the way to the sound.” The monk leads the man to a wooden door, where the head monk says, “The sound is right behind that door.” The man reaches for the knob, but the door is locked. He says, “Real funny. May I have the key?” The monks give him the key, and he opens the door. Behind the wooden door is another door made of stone. The man demands the key to the stone door. The monks give him the key, and he opens it, only to find a door made of ruby. He demands another key from the monks, who provide it. Behind that door is another door, this one made of sapphire. So it went until the man had gone through doors of emerald, silver, topaz, and amethyst. Finally, the monks say, “This is the last key to the last door.” The man is relieved to no end. He unlocks the door, turns the knob, and behind that door he is amazed to find the source of that strange sound. But I can’t tell you what it is because you’re not a monk.

[A-Jay]

Recently as part of a rather in depth annual check up - I was convinced to participate in a very comprehensive genetic mapping work up along with a the majority of my immediate family.

Researchers begin a genetic map by collecting samples of blood or tissue from family members that carry a prominent disease or trait and family members that don't. Scientists then isolate DNA from the samples and closely examine it, looking for unique patterns in the DNA of the family members who do carry the disease that the DNA of those who don't carry the disease don't have. These unique molecular patterns in the DNA are referred to as polymorphisms, or markers.

 When all the testing was finally over and the results were tabulated & evaluated, it was determined that I was carrying a single DNA marker that no one else in the family tree possessed.     

Bacon.

A-Jay

[Gundog]

Dance like no one is watching and fart like no one is listening. 

[jr231]

What kind of music should you listen to while fishing ? 

Something catchy... 

 

Here's one I like.. 

 

So a man was fishing in a state park after hours.. 

 

A DNR officer comes along his way and tells him he's gonna have to write him a ticket for all these poached fish in his bucket..

 

The man explains to the officer.. "no sir, ya see , these are my pet fish. I bring em out here and let them swim around for awhile and when I whistle they come back to me so we can go home.."

 

The officer says there is no way.. I don't believe you. 

 

The man replies "here ill show you." 

 

The officer is intrigued.. "man I've got to see this.."

 

The man carefully takes each one of his fish and puts them back in the lake.. a little while passes and the man starts whistling his tune.. the officer says "where are your fish?"

 

The man replies... What fish ? 

 

 

 

 

[jr231]